


Love Is Still The Answer More Than Hate Will Ever Know

by KidWestHope16



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, xxxHoLic
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Angry dad Kurogane, Anxiety Attacks, Child Soldiers, Child Syaoran, Everyone is horrified that a child was enslaved and then cloned, Fai gives him a hug, Found Family, Hugs, Imprisonment, Kurogane gives him a hug, Kurogane is going to look after smol Syaoran, Kurogane is team dad, Loneliness, Mokona looks after Syaoran, Muteness, Not as much cold or distant attitudes, Not as much resentment, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Rejection, Sakura gives him a hug, Smol Syaoran, Smol Tsubasa, Social Anxiety, Syaoran has a little black book, Syaoran has an information network, Syaoran is broken, Syaoran stayed frozen at age 7?, Team as Family, Threats of Violence, Tsubasa has a little black book, Tsubasa has an information network, Tsubasa needs a hug, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, What-If, at seven years old he continues his journey, he takes dadding seriously, his time was rewound and moved on without him, syaoran needs a hug, use of aliases
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2019-09-06 00:39:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16821649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KidWestHope16/pseuds/KidWestHope16
Summary: What if instead of time resuming for Real Syaoran at 14/15. He stayed a seven year because Watanuki and his clone who took his place aged. Seven years old but older mentally. I mean he always looked like a child in the manga when i read it. Am i the only one who saw it?





	1. How Come I Always End Up So Far Away From You?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LinniLotus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinniLotus/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syaoran could never make up for his mistakes. They just seemed to build up. That didn't mean he'd stop trying to fix them. He was doomed to a painful end, living a painfilled life in the mean time was just preparing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: honest by tfk  
> Posting this as a gift for my birthday 12/5.

Syaoran eyed the dimension witch and saw surprise in her eyes. It flickered to amusement then sorrow. Syaoran looked down at his reflection and then his hands. He gazed upwards ignoring the water pouring down around him.

"You do not have the power to cross dimensions. The one who sent you..." The wish granter paused, eyes boring holes into him. "Is Xing-huo. Am I right? What did she say?" Syaoran didn't hesitate. The reply was immediate.

"That "the dream must end."" She looked down as if the words had some deep meaning he didn't know.

"I see." She looked at him. "The unfulfilled dream of theirs is as if its been broken to pieces. The fact that you are here means that you want something. What is your wish?" Syaoran could feel a presence warm and comforting approaching. It resonated within him and he knew he had to hurry. Damage control was only effective if he made it in time.

"To be sent to my right eye."

"Your price... I've already received it, haven't I?" Her eyes closed with sympathy. "Connections... And also... Freedom and time." She raised her left hand.

"Then you may consider your wish granted." A magic circle appeared beneath him. "Being sent to the right eye... Is within the limits of my meddling." The presence drew closer and Syaoran selfishly drew comfort from it. 

"Because all I do is grant wishes... However, after that-" she began only to stop as Syaoran cut through her words.

"I have to give it back! No matter what!" Syaoran stated knowing time was of the essence.

The presence was behind him, he turned and faced him. "Don't disappear." He ordered.

Pleaded.

Urged.

He had to remain safe.

He vanished catching the look of shock in his blue eyes and felt regret and shame burble unpleasantly in his belly.

He only had a few precious seconds to take everything in. He stood between his clone and their companions.

He stood before his clone, the half of his soul given freely returned to him. The imbalance he felt from ripping out his soul didn't heal, it burned.

"Long ago, I gave you half of my heart..." He could remember the agony of tearing out his right eye and pushing through a barrier in hopes that he could derail Fei Wong Reed's plan. Even now his hand was still numb. "The seal on it began to break.. And that magician tried to return it to you. But in doing so, he lost his left eye. Unfortunately..." Syaoran could see everyone hanging onto his every word. He prayed that he could break through to the Other, spark his soul into existence.

"A seal that is broken... Can never be resealed no matter what method you try." He stated moving his hands to the blindfold. "The magician must have known that, but still he made his bet..." He continued removing the blindfold shutting his eyes so he would not be blinded by the light.

"That the possibility exists." He opened his eyes, not a hint of emotion. He glared at the Other before him with guilt gnawing at him like a ravenous beast. Everything that happened was his fault. 

"Kurogane-san! Fai-san! Moko-chan! Syaoran-kun!" Sakura screamed pounded the bubble she was in. Syaoran clenched his hands drowning in guilt as she screamed in anguish.

"I've been watching all this time. Through your right eye. The things you've seen. The people you've met." He couldn't control his composure anymore. Syaoran didn't feel anything for anyone here and he was at fault for the pain everyone was in. "The one for whom _that_ Sakura was the most precious... Wasn't "my heart"..." He tried again to appeal to the heart nurtured in a body that was a replica of his but still not him. He knew it would hurt them all, the princess especially but he still had to try. "It was you wasn't it?!!" He cried out in desperation wanting more than anything for things to go against the grain. 

He'd failed. And now they were all going to pay the price.

Sakura began crying.

The Other launched himself at Syaoran and despair filled him even as he prepared himself. A foot slammed into his stomach just as he tensed his muscles. He pushed himself upwards landing on a fallen pillar and wrapped his arm around his stomach.

He had seconds to recover before the Other was once more launching himself and Syaoran knew his own attacks would not be as strong given the age and size difference between them but that didn't mean that he was going to give up. He crossed his arms above his head blocking the heel from smashing into his face and pushed upwards over balancing the Other. He used the momentum to kick the other in the abdomen sending him skidding back a few feet.

"My sword! Give me my sword!!" Kurogane cried out and Syaoran tensed as the Other turned to look upwards. A sword emerged from Mokona and runes lit the air as he spelled the sword to his side. Syaoran knew how destructive Hien was and braced himself as the runes etched themselves into the air over the sword sparking a mythical fire into existence.

"SYAORAN-KUN!!!" Sakura cried out as fire engulfed the room. He could hear screams of panic and fear.

The very foundation of the room warped and cracked as the fury of fire rampaged through the confines of its perceived space.

Fire slammed into him ramming him into the floor. His head cracked against the floor and warmth instantly seeped from the wound. He pushed himself to his feet feeling pain on the bottom of his feet as they made contact with the burning floor. He pushed through holding himself upright with a burning pillar. 

"When I gave you half my heart..." He began panting as exhaustion began to catch up to him. "... I looked on the "mirror" and said to you..." His shoulders heaved with every breath but he pushed forward. "Before the seal on your right eye breaks and the heart that you possess is wrenched from you..." Fire crackled around them as he peered at the Other with determination. 

"...I am betting that you will give birth within yourself..." It was getting harder to breath with all the fire leeching oxygen from the air. "To a heart of your own. I believe that these days you spent and the people you spent them with..." Sakura was still crying out.

The magician was dying.

There wasn't any time.

And yet.

He still was trying to make the Other respond to him.

"Will allow you to grow with your own will, a heart. But..." Syaoran guided his magic to his hands as a magic circle formed beneath him. Magical pressure built up in his body and leaked off him pushing out the fires closest to him and stirring his clothes up with the air currents. He pressed his palms together, right hand pointing up, left hand away from him. "If it so happens that the seal breaks too soon and you haven't had the time to grow a heart." Fire illuminated his left palm as he began to pull out his sword.

"And you rampage the way you were compelled too..." A thick silence hung in the air as his sword began to form and solidify. "Then I will remove you myself!!!" He cried out sword fully formed as he braced it against his right hand feeling its comforting weight.

"RAITE SHORAI!!! Lightning formed brilliant and blinding. It arched off his sword and slammed into the Other. He was leaping forward sword carrying him down faster with the help of gravity as he weighed very little. He landed awkwardly, sword nearly impaling the Other as he prepared to end the existence of the Other Syaoran.

"STOP IT!!" Sakura was crying heavily. Despair and pain colored her voice as she pleaded. "DON'T KILL SYAORAN-KUN!!!" He looked at her before a burning, jolting pain blinded him. He looked down seeing a sword buried neatly into his right thigh. His vision whitened as it was pulled out and he collapsed as a loud noise drowned out his hearing. Trembling hands released their grip on his sword as he clenched them tightly over the wound on his thigh.

He was choking on air. He was gasping for breath as he struggled to slow his breathing down. His chest heaved with each breath as he turned to his side to peer at Sakura. The Other slashed open the bubble, water flowed out briefly washing over him and bringing clarity to him. His fingers, dyed red with blood couldn't contain the blood seeping out of his wound.

He couldn't afford to lose anymore blood.

Movement behind him startled him and he saw a man with yellow eyes and claws come to a stop behind him with an angry look on his face. Syaoran glanced back at the bubble but he could not see the Other. He struggled to push himself into a sitting postion but slipped on the ground slick with blood and water. The fall jarred him and suddenly he was swept away in waves of agony as he curled into a ball. The throbbing in his thigh coincided with his pulse and he could feel a coldness sweep through his veins.

He couldn't let it end here. He pushed himself up sensing the rip in reality and then the Other faded away. Syaoran used his sword to tear some cloth from his clothing and struggled to tie it to his wound. He used his sword as leverage to hold himself up when he heard footsteps crunching along the broken floor. He looked up in dread as the ninja appeared carrying the magician. The look in his eyes as he eyed the symbol he wore. He could see anger in the red eyes yet he wasn't afraid. He would accept anything.

This was his burden.

"Hey you..." He paused to shift the magician. "Explain that mark on your chest." He ordered dangerously.

"That is the mark of the one who murdered your mother." He answered without preamble. Red eyes narrowed in fury as he took a step forward.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!" interrupted a strong voice in a commanding tone. Syaoran looked up dizzily to see Yuuko. "The Syaoran you see there was captured by the man who murdered your mother." Syaoran exhaled feeling colder. He shut his eyes as the emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

"Also, he doesn't know where the man has gone." She continued looking at them with expressionless eyes that radiated disapproval as Kurogane turned to glare down at Syaoran.

"Kurogane! Look at Fai!" Mokona cried out tearfully. "Sakura and this Syaoran are injured too." Mokona's voice cut right through the red haze blinding Kurogane and Syaoran didn't know if he should be grateful or not. 

"After, I want to hear this..." Kurogane turned away and Syaoran felt his sword slip away. He pressed one hand to the ground to hold himself up but slipped forward landing flat on his face. 

Darkness swallowed him whole.

Darkness was an old companion...

Lonely.

And cold.


	2. And My Surrender Keeps You From Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane eyed the waif like boy wielding a sword larger than himself fight for his life. This was the real Syaoran?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: parabelle- my surrender  
> This Chapter is also a gift for my birthday 12/5.

* * *

Kurogane was furious. The kid had eaten the idiot mage's eye and showed no remorse. His arm was broken and yet he felt no pain. It was as if someone had replaced the boy with the broken heart of gold and left a hollow husk in his place.  
Their stalemate was broken by the presence of someone new slipping into this world. He shifted the mage closer to protect him from the new threat only for a child to land between them and the kid.

And it was a child. Younger than ten but older than five. They looked alike. A relative?

A glow on the kid's chest had him looking back to see a small white and black ball emerge from his chest and solidfy. It flew to the child and merged with him.

"Long ago, I gave you half of my heart..." The child spoke in a soft solemn voice. "The seal on it began to break.. And that magician tried to return it to you. But in doing so, he lost his left eye. Unfortunately..." The child's eyes burned with determination as he stared up at Syaoran. 

"A seal that is broken... Can never be resealed no matter what method you try." He stated moving his hands to the blindfold. "The magician must have known that, but still he made his bet..." He untied the black cloth with thin nimble fingers.

"That the possibility exists." His childish voice grew stronger. The princess called out their names in tears as she pounded her fists against the bubble she was trapped in. 

"I've been watching all this time. Through your right eye. The things you've seen. The people you've met." His eyes narrowed fiercely a challenge in his eyes.

"The one for whom _that_ Sakura was the most precious... Wasn't "my heart"..." He was grieving. This child was grieving for the kid who could no longer feel.

* * *

"It was you wasn't it?!!" A child's voice cried out with urgency. He couldn't focus. 

Everything felt distant. The pain.

Dull throbbing.

Roaring flashes of light then darkness.

Silence.

Then noise. So much noise. A child. Feeling so much like Syaoran-kun he wanted to slink away.

Someone held him tightly enough to cause discomfort. Shielding him as raw magic. _His magic_. Tore apart the very foundation that held the building.

They only way to stop him...

He would be joining Fai at last.

He welcomed the darkness admist the chaos.

* * *

Sakura couldn't believe her eyes. What had happened while she slept? Why was Syaoran-kun acting so strange. And his _eye_.

That was Fai's eye.

Fai who was badly hurt that he couldn't seem to stay awake.

And the child. He bore a striking resemblance to Syaoran-kun. He was bleeding. Syaoran-kun had hurt this child without a single shred of remorse.

"If it so happens that the seal breaks too soon and you haven't had the time to grow a heart." Magic built up underneath the boy illuminating a magic circle beneath his feet. He clapped his hands together, eyes burning with intensity as he continued speaking. "And you rampage the way you were compelled too..." What was he saying? About Syaoran-kun no less.

"Then I will remove you myself!!!" He yelled as a sword formed in his hands that was twice his length making him seem smaller in comparison. It was almost comical to watch this waif like child holding such a long sword.

At least it would have been had the magic in the air not seemed so strong as a blinding light eclipsed him from view.

"RAITE SHORAI!!! Lightning, raw and seething, left a path of destruction in its wake as it slammed into Syaoran-kun. The child jumped cutting through the air with a sword larger than he was. This child was ready to take a life.

A life that he'd ripped out half his own soul to nurture its own.

She couldn't allow this to happen!

"STOP IT!!" Sakura could feel her heart breaking and wished that she had woken sooner. "DON'T KILL SYAORAN-KUN!!!" She begged of the child. He peered up at her as if he could see her turmoil and regretted it. His eyes widened in pain.

Syaoran had run his sword straight through the boy's leg.

She'd caused this. This child was hurt because she had distracted him.

His face convulsed as it was roughly torn away from him.

His legs gave out from under him. Sword clattering to the floor as his face contorted in agony. His small hands clenched tightly to the wound. Her chest heaved with each sob as she watched the child hurting. 

Syaoran stood before her with an unreadable look in his eyes. He lifted his sword and she flinched as he brought it down. 

* * *

Kurogane made his way over to the boy after Syaoran vanished. He froze when he saw the red bat like symbol on the boys chest. His thin limbs trembled as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

"Hey you..." Kurogane shifted the mage hating the way his head lolled against his shoulder. "Explain that mark on your chest." He demanded in a rage fueled by the state of the mage, the princess and the damn kid that had actually never had a soul.

"That is the mark of the one who murdered your mother." The child answers softly blinking in a languid fashion. His pale skin seemed to grow paler as blood seeped from his wound, yet the boy showed no fear as he gazed up at Kurogane. Kurogane felt the rage spark when he knew it should not. This child was going to bear the brunt of all their frustrations.

* * *

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!" Yuuko called out just as the ninja took a threatening step forward. Syaoran peeked up at her with glazed amber eyes. She could see a sheen of sweat along his temples but kept her gaze trained on the ninja. "The Syaoran you see there was captured by the man who murdered your mother." The ninja glared at the boy stepping back to keep her in his sights.

"Also, he doesn't know where the man has gone." She kept her cool gaze trained down on all the travelers. All their eyes met hers. Grief.

Horror.

Rage.

Hatred.

Betrayal. 

Regret.

Sorrow.

They each would have to carve out their own paths in this world. Bound by one wish.

Trapped in a child's wavering hope.

"Kurogane! Look at Fai!" Mokona whimpered, empathy tore her poor heart. "Sakura and this Syaoran are injured too." She could see Mokona's voice reach the vengeful spirit that took Kurogane's place. The rage simmered in his red eyes. A dark look of loathing aimed at her as he turned to face her completely.

"After, I want to hear this..." He stated, unaware of ths suffering of the child behind him as he focused on the blond resting fitfully across his back. Yuuko watched the light fade from the amber irises with sorrow in her heart.

She could only protect the one in her reach. This one was out of her reach, destined to wander for a calamity such as he had no true home.

The loud cacophony of metal landing on rock startled everyone. Terror on their faces as they searched for an enemy that could not be found.

"Syaoran!" Mokona cried out as the small boy fell unconscious. The ninja gazed behind him, shock on his face as if he couldn't believe that he had left an injured child alone.


	3. I Hope Some Day I'll Make It Out Of Here Even If It Takes All Night Or A Hundred Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one could understand the fear of being imprisoned and cloned. Forced to watch your life pass on without you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: lovely- billie Ellish ft. Khalid  
> Birthday today! 12/5.

No time was wasted as Kurogane grabbed the boy and took off running.

It was a flurry of controlled chaos as those medically trained took care of the child and mage. The princess slumbered on beside them but even that could not erase her grief.

Groups of three surrounded the boy and mage. Kurogane could see the boy had lost a dangerous amount of blood despite the tourniqet he'd tied. The mage was in a more dire situation as infection set in.

"Its no good. His eye was gouged out, and he's lost so much blood he's going into shock." Said the woman with black and white hair as she bandaged Fai's eye.

"This child is in just as much danger. There's no guarantee that he will make it through the night." The silver haired woman said from she hovered over the boy. His eyes opened a fraction and glanced at Fai with genuine regret before he passed into unconsciousness once more.

* * *

Mokona could feel Fai fading away.

She could feel Sakura's soul aching despair.

And Syaoran was like a candle, flickering out before roaring back to life.

Everything was falling apart, Mokona didn't want this.

She cried out to Yuuko. Yuuko could fix this. She would help them.

"You can't..." Fai's voice sounded weary. "Syaoran-kun has half my magic, even that is too powerful." Mokona could feel the geyser of rage explode before Kurogane was storming over to Fai. Mokona felt horrified that Fai didn't want to live. 

"While I'm still alive..." He couldn't seem to catch his breath and that frightened Mokona. "Syaoran-kun's magic still lives."

"Who told you to make that decision now?!" Kurogane demanded to know slamming his fist into the wall causing it to crumble as he stormed right up to Fai.

"NO!! KUROGANE!!" Mokona shouted when Kurogane roughly pulled Fai into a sitting position. His smile was a pale imitation of the one he showed Syaoran. He faded away to near nonexistence and a burning determination roared to life in Kurogane.

"Witch... Is there a way to keep him from dying?" Mokona glanced hopefully at Yuuko. Her gaze never wavered from Kurogane's fsce as she answered him but Mokona could still sense that her attention was not solely on him but on the others that were not conscious.

There was a heavy sense of panic in the air as the humans spoke of the water that had vanished. Then Yuuko said something that made Mokona worry for Fai.

"Vampire? Like in those books Yuuko showed Mokona?" Mokona could remember those books. The humans who had gone insane from the blood lust. And others who had been consumed by the siren call of blood.

"You would have to become his game." That would break Fai. Mokona could feel it. She could feel the brittle pieces holding Fai together splinter further as he tried to dissuade Kurogane. The roaring tempest silenced him as Kurogane made it clear that the only way he was going to die was for Kurogane to do it.

* * *

There was silence. Then screams.

A struggle.

Animalistic howls.

Silence. The world spinning out of control.

More struggling.

He had to wake up.

He'd been too late, he couldn't be too late for this.

Spots danced across his vision. Limbs weak and shaky but he wasn't out for the count just yet. There was no one around aside from the pale youths that radiated just a glimmer of their true visage and his travel companions. The Other's travel companions.

"Kid, you with us?" Syaoran nodded even though he couldn't see straight. "Grab the princess." He grunted struggling to hold down the magician. Syaoran crawled forward despite the pain and tugged the princess to his side. Fai continued howling as he struggled to rip his arms free. Syaoran caught sight of Mokona and felt his heart clench as she shed tears. He finally managed to drag the princess closer and felt his leg throbbing. He held out his hand for the small furred creature and cradled her closer.

A sweet gentle creature didn't deserve to see their friends suffer like this.

Syaoran looked up at the raven haired woman and saw her peering down at him. Her eyes flicked ahead before she subtly shook her head. His breath caught in his throat as he heard that the magician's eye was lost forever. Eaten by the Other.

Torn away in a mimicry of what Syaoran had done when the Other had been created. His stomach cramped and convulsed as he tried to strangle the sob that rose in his throat.

He'd done this. He'd cost them all so much and he would continue to bring them misery.


	4. He Promised Forever But She Never Knew The Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai couldn't stand the sight of this child. He was younger than the one who had so callously ripped out his eye. It changed nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: Alec Benjamin- the wolf and the sheep.  
> Infinity next chapter.

Fai hadn't asked to be saved. He never wanted to hurt someone as much as he had right in this moment.

 _Instead_ he had to put up even more walls. Cease the particular idiosyncrasies he'd created to rile the man up.

Blurred lines had to be redrawn.

Thick glacial walls to keep his frozen heart from beating in tune with that despicable ninja. The siren call pulsating. Beating like a drum of war.

He opened his eyes. Eye. And felt the aches and pains from the short fight had already healed over.

His talk with Yuuko was like a breath if warm air in Ceres. Brief.

Fleeting really.

_Cruel._

He'd lost sight of his goal as he tried to help Syaoran and Sakura. Hearing that he was important to them hurt. They'd suffered together. Laughed. Cried. Yet none of that could ease his guilt.

It could not _erase_ the lie he was living.

"Is Sakura-chan still sleeping upstairs?" Asked Fai wanting to ease the young princess' suffering. 

"No." An ominous crack sounded from somewhere far away yet simultaneously close by. 

_**"SHE'S OUT THERE?!"** _

The child seemed so small and delicate wearing that oversized cloak. He stared up at Fai with genuine regret in his eyes even though he was trying keep up a blank facade.

He could see his feet turning red, hear the skin sizzlling and yet the child didn't even flinch as he worried for Fai. Worried for Sakura. Worried for everyone but himself.

Just like Syaoran. 

This boy was also a good child.

It hurt more. He could see exhaustion in this boy yet he continued to look imploringly at Fai. His eyes shut involuntarily and he gave his head a slight shake as if it would help keep him awake. 

His heart softened despite himself.

"Sakura!" Mokona cried out before could even think to reach out and his attention left the child.

* * *

Syaoran felt useless.

He had not woken in time to pay the price for saving the magician. All he could offer was his blindfold to cover the eye that the Other had ripped out.

He could not carry the princess and neither could he walk the distance to the reservoir on his own.

Instead he had to be carried. It frightened him to be close to someone after imprisonment. His back and the backs of his legs tingled unpleasantly at the odd pressure. 

What use was he if he couldn't stand being near anyone?

At this rate he would end up becoming a burden instead of pulling his own weight. He couldn't be dead weight, he had to find a way to be useful so that his presence would not be as detested as it was now.

He was set down on his feet while the princess remained in the hold of the pureblood vampire. A hand gently ruffled his hair startling him even as he took a step away from the hand. Sorrowful dark eyes gazed at him in sympathy as the hand fell away.

When the subject about the price of water was brought up he made to volunteer. It was only right he make up for causing these people to lose their water.

"I'll go-" he started only to be interrupted by Sakura.

"No!" She shouted angrily. He flinched away at the hurt and rage in her emerald eyes and bowed his head. There was an awkward silence, Syaoran gripped his pants tightly in both hands as if it would ground him. The young princess walked closer to him amd knelt down in front of him.

"You were hurt because of me. You're in pain, please rest." She gently reached out laying her hands on the backs of his. He took an unsteady step back feeling the warmth disappear from his cold skin. Her eyes that had been filled with regret gazed emptily at his wound. She stood folding her hands in front of herself before looking upwards.

Regal and poised as any princess she met the eyes of each of her companions then looked to the wish granter Yuuko.

"I will pay the price. It is my feather, until then... Tell me what happened while I slept." Syaoran looked to Kurogane who simply stared at the princess stating he would be waiting and gazed back at Yuuko. She stared at him then looked to Mokona with a slight tilt of her head. Syaoran reached out to the small creature and _~~wished.~~_

He hugged Mokona to his face when he quietly confessed to his loneliness. The warmth of those tears shed hurt far more than then the cold ache in his chest. What right did he have to complain of loneliness? The princess was out there in a world that was on the verge of ruin.

Alone with no companions.

No help.

She could be hurt.

Or killed. And he'd be at fault for not standing his ground and paying the price. 

"Fai! Fai!" Mokona cheered perking up as she rushed off to the magician leaving Syaoran alone.

He missed the warm weight on his shoulder. 

He felt exhaustion creeping up on him again. He could feel his limbs trembling with the effort to stay standing and lamented the loss of mobility now more than ever. It seemed it would be awhile yet before he could regain his former strenghth.

A rough and heavy material was thrown over his head, adrenaline flooded his veins as he fought the material for freedom. He peered up at the tall imposing ninja once freed and adjusted the cloth. Red eyes glared at his chest, he self consciously covered himself feeling ashamed.

Their conversation was a blur, if asked about it he could honestly say he didn't recall a thing besides apologizing. He had a lot to apologize for. Not that his apologies meant anything to anyone here.

A soft haze entered the edge of his vision as the magician stormed forward like a tempest.

A soft patch of hazy white filled his vision and stretched an arm out to catch the gentle creature. He turned away holding her close to him as if his weak body could shield her from the hurricane of emotions behind him. Tears trickled down soft downy fur and his heart clenched in pain.

His eyes kept sliding shut against his will as he trotted after the two men absently cursing their long legs.

It was a clash of wills. Fire burning brighter than the sun. Ice cooler than the vast emptiness of the space between worlds. He took a few wobbly steps forward clutching the cloak in a death grip as he tried to soothe the tempest.

He appealed to the magician with the thought of the princess and her compassion. Her empathy and how much she cherished their bond. The glacial fury subsided but Syaoran was swept away by a wave of fatigue so great the he barely felt the sting of the rain. He could see the princess in the distance and felt relieved that she had made it back. He took a step forward.

The soft warmth vanished.

He was staring straight at the sky.

That was bad. Wasn't it?

He pushed himself onto his side and pushed himself into a sitting position. The princess... He had to see... 

His hand slipped but an arm slung across his chest pulling him up. His adrenaline spiked and he broke out into a cold sweat as the hairs on the back of his neck rose. A strangled gasp escaped him as he clawed at the hand and scrambled to his feet. He looked up and saw the tall man with short black hair and sunglasses that had taken on Kamui with ease. His easy smile so familair yet foreign, fell slightly but he stepped back. He said nothing and yet he somehow conveyed his concern. 

"I'm sorry." He inclined his head to Syaoran then looked at the duo surrounding the princess and his features tightened briefly before he slowly extended his hand. Syaoran pulled the cloak tighter to his body and took an unsteady step back with a shake of his head. 

"You currently have no shoes, the rain here is harmful." He kept his hand low and still as Syaoran cautiously crept closer knowing he couldn't walk back to the safety of the building in his state and hated his weakness. Every move was telegraphed and he still jumped in shock as arms wrapped around his waist and lifted him off the ground. His hands gripping his cloak turned white as he held himself still until they reached shelter then struggled for all he was worth to get down. 

His feet screamed in agony but he retreated several feet from the man as he waited for the others knowing Yuuko would want him present. He could feel it, a distant feeling of floating that he once attributed to the Other in mortal danger. That link was gone leaving one other. One other that would have felt the chaos and imbalance of his soul and would suffer the consequences of it just as Syaoran would.

He listened in silence as Yuuko confirmed everything he knew. Everything that had happened as a consequence of his selfishness. Hearing her speak of the two futures. Seeing that One so close to fading yet hanging on. He caused the suffering of an innocent. He felt it.

That moment in which he near faded.

The moment the seal on the Other had shattered must have been felt by him too.

His awakening was causing just as much trouble and he didn't think he could ever make up for even existing.

He was a curse.

Ruining everything he touched.

He didn't know his heart could break even further when he expressed his wish to follow and protect the princess. Not until he saw the beginnings of apathy stirring in her eyes as she regarded him with cool eyes that didn't hide their hurt and betrayal.

"I understand your reservations about taking a child along side you..." He said bowing his head so that he would not have to look at their burning stares. "I will do my best to not be a burden. Everything that I have, skill, power... Magic... All is at your disposal if her highness will have me." Syaoran remained silent and bowed until he heard a soft exhale.

"I will not stop you. Do as you feel you must." Syaoran bit his lip as he thanked her.

Her heart was breaking.

Fai had lost more than an eye.

Kurogane had lost his student.

Mokona had lost a friend.

And Syaoran was trampling on the remains.


	5. All The Pain You Feel, I'm Sure You Didn't Wish For That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were many stipulations to having a child play chess. It had never been done, yet there was still child slavery.  
> A chance to show off skills, and then the depths of the underworld reared the mighty heads and declared a vote.  
> They were changing a dark world and tainting it further with ideals that warped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: soleil- vocaloid english cover by Lizz Robinett

Syaoran looked up at his opponent with defiance in his eyes. The man sneered down at him with a look of manic glee in his cold grey eyes.

"Well, _child_?" He didn't rise to the bait. He held his ground as Fai and Kurogane fought back to back. The whip tightened around his neck, thorns biting into his skin, he did not flinch.

He wasn't allowed help.

He could not lose or their match was forfeit.

Just because he was a child everyone thought they could walk over him. Expected him to roll over at the first sign of danger.

He crouched low as if to submit and the man relaxed his grip. That was his first mistake.

Syaoran launched himself forward into a handstand.

The man dropped his guard, that was his second mistake.

Syaoran kicked upwards with both feet, quickly twisting so that his legs locked around the man's windpipe and then punched him in the nose.

His third and final mistake had been to demand the princess watch him and only him for the duration of the match. Though his master also had the same demand, he could only get to this one.

He would not be a burden.

He would not be the reason for anymore pain in the princess' heart. 

Even if he could _never_ make her smile. He was going to protect her.

The man blacked out just as Kurogane and Fai beat their opponents. 

"Black wins!" The referee called out. Syaoran ignored the tight feeling of his throat and the blood collecting in the collar as he followed Kurogane to the medical team.

He was to have medical treatment after each match. With his 'owner' present, though they got away with Kurogane taking the princess' place.

"You did good." The ninja stated gruffly crossing his arms over his chest. The doctor, a man that looked just like the man from Piffle, Yamazaki, Takashi. He was a child doctor with a penchant for tall stories. He even once managed to startle a laugh out of Syaoran and made it his goal to gain another.

"How is my favorite patient today?" He asked reaching out to ruffle Syaoran's perputually messy hair. "Why, you would not believe the day I had. There was an outbreak of a new disease! Only little boys were affected and the carriers of the disease were little girls!" He sounded genuinely surprised and Syaoran blinked stupidly at the man as he vaguely recalled hearing about the disease.

"Cooties?" He said hesitantly trying to recall what he knew about the disease. Yamazaki looked surprised before nodding wisely as he applied something to Syaoran's neck and wound a bandage around it.

"I see you've heard of this formidable foe. Have you personally encountered the disease or witnessed the remnants of its victims?" Syaoran didn't think it was real. But...

"No?" He asked even as his sleeve was rolled up to get a better look at the cut he received from Kurogane's opponent. He tsked under his breath but smiled placidly at Syaoran as he applied something to his skin and brought out a needle, and some scissors.

He hated this part.

Thirty six stitches. The doctor looked positively stormy as he eyed Kurogane but remained so gentle with Syaoran.

"Does anything else hurt? Remember, no lying." Syaoran checked himself over then gestured to his ribs. He recalls being kicked within the first ten minutes of the match. Cold fingers prodded his ribs but it was just tender and bruised. "At least nothing is broken." The doctor said cheerfully ruffling Syaoran's hair again. 

"You have how many more matches today?" Syaoran peered uncertainly at his knees feeling a quiet despair that people saw him as a child and condemned his companions.

Not even his companions knew he was not a child even though he was.

"Two more and then we get the next month off." Kurogane answered swiftly with a glare.

"Then see to it that he rests and takes it easy." There was something icy about his countenance even as he smiled.

"Please stay safe Syaoran." Syaoran was set down on the floor and waved off. He silently waved back aware of the fuming ninja behind him. He never said anything to Fai or the princess about the visits but he could tell he was past his limit. 

"Sorry..." He whispered as they headed to the assigned room they had to rest in before a match. Nothing was said but he reached out to lay his hand on Syaoran's head. He just rested it there and somehow he felt like it would be okay despite the confusion he felt for the man.

"Next match is in five minutes. You just made it back in time." Fai said back facing them as they entered the room. Syaoran quietly sat on the floor and waited for the knock on the door that signaled their turn and prayed that the princess was okay in her room. It wouldn't be the first time she was harassed in her room while they were unable to reach her.

"How are your injuries?" Syaoran jumped and looked at Fai to see him looking at the wall above Syaoran's head.

"Okay." He shrugged hesitantly unsure if the move would hurt. He winced as he moved his neck and felt the skin pull tight to the bandages. He peered at his boots when nothing else was said and wiggled his toes even if he couldn't see them. It was amazing to have such a range of movement. He wiggled his fingers unable to contain his restless energy.

* * *

Fai watched as the child wiggled his fingers with wonder and awe written plainly on his face. He was most honest when he thought no one was paying him any mind.

It was _heartbreaking_ to witness. This boy was afraid of them. Apologized for everything under the sun as if his very existence was the cause of all that was wrong with the universe. Yet he stood tall. Fought with a ferocity of someone trying to escape. 

Maybe he was _still_ trying to escape.

Held captive by _that_ man and cloned. Forced to live vicariously through the eyes of his replacement and then made to feel like a replacement.

He had not been kind.

Kurogane walked over to the child and leaned against the wall beside him clealry stating without words he would not tolerate anymore of Fai's antagonistic attitude for the boy. Fai couldn't tolerate it anymore either. They'd been here for over three months and the boy had said maybe fifteen words all together that weren't apologies. 

He watched the boy rub his eyes tiredly, (without flinching away for once) at least he didn't fall asleep. In the beginning he could barely stay awake for a few hours at a time. It was hard on them all om the beginning month here.

Sakura could barely move her leg without pain.

Fai was in a constant state of near hysteria, swinging from violent depression to apathy.

The boy had lost so much blood. He could barely stay awake. Couldn't eat. And slept so much that he developed insomnia. 

Kurogane had supported all of them. Feeding them. Forcing them to bathe. Had even gotten a job, though they never found out what he did to make enough money to afford an apartment in a really seedy part of town.

The second month they had found out enough about the world they landed in when the boy went out with Kurogane being the only one who could read this world's language.

He'd argued vehemently to be allowed to participate in the chess matches. He had several key points but the decision had been left up to the tournament regulators. They'd allowed an exhibition match between their team and a relatively tough if new team and filmed the match. 

Once the people voted to allow the boy to participate, mostly thinking he was a slave, they had made a series of rules just for him. It would be a trial run.

Most of the restrictions tied their hands. The boy never once complained though. He stoically took each blow. Apologized after every match when the scorn for them grew over forcing a child to participate.

A knock on the door announced that they were up next. He steeled himself and looked at the boy before reaching forward and squeezing his shoulder. The boy froze then he tensed and slammed his back against the wall staring at Fai in wide eyed terror. Fai flinched back in shock but Kurogane didn't seem surprised. He simply stared with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Breathe." The amber eyes slowly lost their terror. 

"He doesn't like to be touched." He stated looking the child over before opening the door and stepping out. Fai followed behind aware of the blank stare burning a hole into the back of his head.

* * *

Kurogane watched the kid out of the corner of his eyes and silently promised to get the white pork bun to sleep with the kid tonight. It seemed to help him sleep. Seeing that other kid with the black hair that the witch hired made him feel at ease. He pretended not to know about the conversations they had, because there was definitely more than the one he'd accidentally interrupted.

He'd impulsively rested his hand on the boy's head not too long ago and he had only tensed before carrying on. The mage had squeezed his shoulder without the boy seeing the movement coming. Kurogane lifted his hand and held it up and slowly moved to put his hand on the boy's head. He could see the mage watching but put him out of his mind. 

Wary but not afraid the kid didn't duck away at the hand on his head. 

"I mean it, you did good today." He pursed his lips then glared fiercely at Kurogane with a fire that he only saw in the matches. He ducked his head and faced straight ahead with his head held high.

Kurogane smirked as he looked ahead to the weapons room and picked out his sword. The kid had a lot of spunk. Didn't let anything keep him down even when he was scared.

"Maybe after today's matches we can go buy a cake." The mage said softly to the kid not that the kid noticed as he hefted up a few different weapons. He changed weapons for every match trying to find one that he could use as every weapon here was made for an adult or teenager.

His shoulders slumped as he went with a staff for this match. Kurogane quirked a brow at the mage when he continued waiting silently by the door with a scythe. Idiot. 

"Oi, the mage over there is talking to you." The kid whirled around then glanced around himself before dropping his mouth open in surprise.

"Sorry. I didn't realize..." He rubbed his fingers along the staff as his lips pulled into a thoughtful frown. He glanced at the mage with hesitation in his eyes but was interrupted before he could speak when the doors opened. He seemed a little dispirited as if he'd missed out on something great, which he might have. The mage and princess did everything in their power to avoid him and he followed their example going one step further and leaving the apartment to explore the world. Kurogane accompanied him sometimes but the kid had an independent streak a mile wide.

Took the white pork bun with him if no one protested. _Those two were awfully chummy_.

"Make it a chocolate cake and the kid will be all over it like the white pork bun on sake." The kid huffed with an indignant squeak.

"That's not- I don't-" he spluttered red faced with embarrassment. If he was so embarrassed then he shouldn't have eaten all that chocolate last week before they went back to the apartment. Sure he brought some for the others to eat but Kurogane had him pegged. 

"Sorry." He whimpered petulantly tapping the wall with the butt of the staff. Kid was funny when he sulked.

"Alright, chocolate it is." The kid's ears turned red as he ducked his head lower.

"Sorry." 

* * *

Syaoran held out his hand for the princess to grab hold of. Instead of grabbing his hand she reached further and cupped her palm to his cheek. She gently thumbed the scratch there from the first match of the day.

"This is the most matches we've ever had... Let me know if it's too much." She said softly leaning back. He watched in stunned silence as the platform raised as she rose out of view. Syaoran's cheek felt warm.

He felt cold. And the world was spinning. A hand was wrapped around his neck. His arm was outstretched and pinned to something cold. 

_No._

**No!!**

**_"NO!!!"_** Syaoran's eyes snapped opened and remembered where he was. He lifted a leg ramming into between the brown haired man's legs. Then pushed his heels into the man's chest and roughly twisted his hand feeling a sharp burning pain in his wrist but pushed the feeling back. He slammed the heel of his palm into the man's chin when he had the room to maneuver. He heard the man's teeth click and then he heard a beeping sound that indicated the man had lost.

The fight wasn't over. He scrambled over to his staff kicking it into his hands using it to launch himself forward to kick Fai's opponent's in the face. Fai's blue eye widened in surprise before he smiled and cut the chain linked to the man's collar. The two of them turned to see Kurogane finish off his opponent.

"Black team wins." The referee called out. Syaoran set his staff down wishes he could lean on it but they weren't allowed to bring their weapons out of the arena. 

"Come here." Syaoran stumbled towards Kurogane and blinked stupidly at the ground when his feet left it. That has been happening with increasing frequency these days. He looked at his hands seeing that his right hand was swollen. He tucked his hands into his sleeves and looked up at Kurogane.

"That quack is going to be pissed." He made to apologize but red eyes glared right at him daring him to say the word. 

Later on Syaoran will think back to this moment and realize this was maybe the first time he'd relaxed and trusted someone other than Sakura, King Fujitaka, Prince Touya, or Priest Yukito.

Syaoran looked Kurogane in the eyes feeling his lips stretch upwards.

"I'm sorry." The outrage coupled with disbelief wasn't all that funny. He burst into laughter and shimmied his way down the taller man as if he were some tree to be scaled. He burst into the medical room still laughing.

"Well, someone's in a good mood." Syaoran slapped his hands to his face to stifle the laughter. He was not going to lose to this man. If he continued to not laugh at his jokes he'd bring Syaoran a slice of the triple layer chocolate cake he was eating when Syaoran first met him. 

"Could it be that you caught the laughing disease that left an entire civilization bereft of joy for fear of becoming comatose?" He grinned widely as he wrapped his hands around Syaoran's waist and lifted him onto the soft mattress reserved for him. Syaoran leaned forward before stilling and glaring warily at the man.

"For real?" He asked lowering his hands so the doctor could grab them. His hands were cold but it felt great against his right wrist. 

"What do you think little historian?" Syaoran knows it's possible. With the different worlds and cultures out in the vast expanse of the universe.

But this man was a great story teller.

"Maybe." He tried not to be disappointed but he still felt disappointment at the thought of never knowing.

"Worry not little one. I went out to get a trinket for you." Yamazaki said cheerfully ruffling Syaoran's hair as he set his hand on a black table. It lit up and showed some red lines that indicated he'd broken his wrist in two places. He probably shouldn't have catapulted himself at Fai's opponent.

"How long will it take to heal?" Kurogane asked curiously as he leaned forward. The doctor didn't change expression but he didn't seem as warm somehow. Kurogane sighed and leaned back.

"Kurogane-san is very kind..." Syaoran whispered softly setting his hand on the doctor's hand. He looked at Syaoran and sighed. He patted Syaoran's hand and Syaoran realized that he hated seeing children hurt and wanted them to be out of pain. Yet Kurogane kept bringing Syaoran to him in various stages of hurt. No one else would take the job, so someone had been randomly selected.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't worry so much little one. The only worry you should have is resting once you've finished your last match and reading this." Syaoran froze when he saw grey eyes staring into his own.

"Wha?!" He leaned forward but Yamazaki shut his eyes and tapped a book to Syaoran's head. 

"Don't pout." He was not pouting. Just... That was the first time he'd ever seen the man's eyes open. "I'll hold onto this until your last match." 

Syaoran looked at the thick plaster and poked it. It was really sturdy. He could use it to bludgeon his next opponent. Ah, no. That might upset Yamazaki. He scratched the bandage circling his forehead and huffed when he looked down at the floor.

"I can walk." Not for very long. 

"For how long?" Kurogane asked before pointedly looking away. He crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head away from the red eyed man. Two could play the silent game.

"Wait, I can feed myself!" Syaoran was aware of the magician watching in open mouthed shock but he was to busy being outraged at being treated like... Like a child!

"You can use your left hand?" He asked eyebrow quirked.

"Yes. It's stupid to favor one hand." Kurogane said nothing more as he stopped cutting up the meat and passed him his plate then passed over a plastic cup of water and an orange tablet. He glared at it hating it with every fiber of his being.

"You're not getting out of taking them." He said stuffing the small rectangle of pills into his pocket. Somehow he always made it a point to hide them from him so he couldn't throw them away like he had the first two times.

"I don't want to." He whined. Heat engulfed his face as he looked down mortified at his childish behavior. He shoved the pill in his mouth quickly washing it down with water. He ate as much as he could before their break was interrupted by the referee announcing their next match. 

"I won't make you take them if you really don't want to. But you'll take them until the swelling goes down." Kurogane bargained as they reached the weapons room. That was better than nothing.

"Try these." Kurogane passed over two three pronged daggers. They were light weight and about the length of his arm from elbow to finger tips. 

"Don't let me laugh in front of Yamazaki." He ordered pointing the three pronged dagger at the ninja. He smirked.

"Anything for chocolate." Syaoran looked away as he pressed his lips together.

"For chocolate." He agreed knowing the other man would not keep his promise if he didn't admit it. Not that there _was_ anything to admit too.

* * *

Kurogane could see the kid's eye twitching as the doctor rambled on and on about calendars. Twice he opened his mouth before pointedly turning away. His lower lip extended past the upper lip in what could only be a pout. The more he tried to act mature, the more childish he acted when he lowered his guard.

"Alright now you take care little one." Yamazaki said cheerfully passing over a book and setting the kid down on thr floor. The kid stilled lips puckered and eyes squinted.

"I thought i had you that time." He teasingly wiggled his fingers along the kid's waist. He could see the kid's restraint failing and simply plucked him off the floor.

"Take care now Syaoran." The man shoved his hands into his pocket and smiled warmly.

"Bye." The kid whispered over Kurogane's shoulder as he cradled the book to his chest. 

* * *

Sakura felt her heart clench as Kurogane cradled Syaoran in his arms. Thick bandages encircled nearly every part of him. He was asleep cradling a book to his chest and seemed completely unaware of anything as the medicine he took knocked him out. She too hated the medicine, and its side effects.

"How is he?" She asked Kurogane as she rested her palm on his cheek. He stirred briefly then burrowed closer to the man.

"The doctor said he should rest as much as he can. And only have soft foods for the next two weeks." He glared at her in disapproval but she pretended not to notice. She knows he was upset at her for ignoring Syaoran when he's awake. Yet she couldn't face him, his blank amber eyes that reflected wisdom beyond his years and so much pain. It was worse when childlike wonder filled his face making her realize hiw young he truly was. He was a child. And _everything_ had been stolen from him. The Syaoran she knew was a copy of this child. A glimpse at what he would have looked like had he not been imprisoned for her sake.

Every time she looked at him she was reminded that he was estranged from them all when they already knew another version of him. 

What did it feel like to be a replacement of yourself?

She knew. And he knew. But the others did not know. Could never know what it felt like to feel that you were an imitation of life.

She was hurting him. 

And he never said a word. He just took it.

There time would come to a close here. Would it be so cruel to try and make up for the hurt she inflicted? He never asked for anything. When she'd asked him about being captured for knowing Fei Wong Reed's plan he shrugged. 'I only knew you for a week. No one deserves what he had planned.' He stated simply and she knew that he was telling the truth. He'd torn his soul to give a copy created in his image a chance at life. To halt the plan's of a mad man but more importantly to protect her when the time came.

"I'm sorry." She flinched back as glazed amber eyes stared at her. She took a step back and his eyes slipped closed as he was pulled back under.

"No. I'm sorry."


	6. You Are The Place Where I Can Rest My Weary Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He made a conscious decision to fight fate. He'd broken a taboo and destroyed so many lives. He wasn't going to hesitate when it came time. His second chance was going to be his last. He was never going to let go. Even if he was treated as an outsider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: home- Alvin and the Chipmunks and Chipettes  
> Merry Christmas! Happy holidays!!
> 
> Also... I don't know what happened. It was supposed to be fluffy.

Mokona worried about Syaoran.

He had so many nightmares.

His eyes were dry but empty when he awakened.

Sometimes he would walk up to the doors while everyone slept and listen silently before returning to bed. Sometimes he slipped out to walk around taking Mokona with him if she slept with him and when she didn't she felt the distance between them and awoke. Mokona _liked_ when Syaoran talked with Yuuko. He didn't feel so lost and lonely even if the pain in his heart increased. Mokona _hated_ the times he hid away in his room because he would not wake.

Syaoran was asleep propped onto his side with pillows as he slept off the medication. He was wounded. When he awoke he would smile and shrug it off, it was even enough to lull Mokona into a false sense of security. If it wasn't for the fact that he immediately fell right back to sleep when he ate then no one would have been able to tell. Healing required sleep.

"Syaoran?" Syaoran blinked slowly. Stretched out his hands and pulled her to his chest without a word. His lower lip quivered and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Mokona remained in his hold for a long time. Neither slept. Or talked. They simply were.

"Syaoran should get something to eat. Mokona heard that Fai was going to bring chocolate cake." Syaoran shifted so his knees rested against his elbows amd shook his head.

"Yuuko..." He asked and Mokona looked straight ahead contacting Mokona when she felt a thrum of power. Syaoran stiffened and then the connection opened but it was not Yuuko. 

"Kimi-" Syaoran choked out abruptly sitting up.

"Tsu-" Watanuki's voice sounded strained as he gaped at them.

There was a tense moment then both exploded into movement covering Mokona's jewel.

**"Mokona! Cut the connection."** They both cried out. Syaoran was trembling as he wrapped himself around Mokona. 

"Syaoran?" Mokona called out in worry when the trembling hadn't died down after a few minutes. She could feel his heart thundering in his chest. "Syaoran?" She called again when he sniffed wetly and hugged her more tightly to his chest.

"Don't... Please." Mokona didn't know what he was asking but she agreed all the same. Anything to keep the fearful look off his face. He exhaled shakily collapsing onto his side and burrowing under his pillow. Silent and still he remained until he slowly slipped back into sleep leaving Mokona to test the connection again.

"I see. And you both felt a presence just before the connection?" Asked Yuuko glancing behind her at Watanuki. He glanced at her curiosity in his eyes before shifting to look at Mokona. His eyes took on a wounded quality as he gazed at Syaoran's current state.

"Does he need anything?" He asked gently, Mokona glanced at him with sorrow.

"He doesn't ask for anything. Mokona doesn't know how to help him." Watanuki kneeled down beside Yuuko and peered at Mokona then nodded decisively and stood up disappearing from view. Mokona gazed at Yuuko but she simply smiled mysteriously.

"It seems Watanuki can still sense their connection even if he does not know what it means." Yuuko looked troubled for a second. "I'll have to step up his training then." Watanuki appeared behind her a few seconds after she spoke holding a stuffed bear.

"I was going to give this bear I made to Himawari-chan but Syaoran-kun might need it more." Watanuki paused as he caressed the bear's head. "He's probably been alone for a long time, with no one to look after him. He grew to only rely on himself and doesn't know he can ask for things. If you ask he won't say anything, which means you'll have to watch him to see when he wants something." Watanuki looked pensively at Syaoran then pointed.

"See that?" Mokona saw Syaoran frowning as he clenched his hand tightly around the blanket. "He's in pain but more than that he's lonely. Give him this bear." Mokona felt a tug in her stomach. Her eyes opened as her belly stretched and opened her jaw wide feeling something solid erupt from her throat. A tan bear landed on the bed near Syaoran. She quickly pushed it close and watched as he seemed confused by the toy. His arms wrapped around it and some of the loneliness receded.

"Human children get lonely easily... And scared." Watanuki looked down with a painful smile. "More than anything we- he just wants someone to be there." He glanced at Syaoran again with that wounded look in his eyes. Yuuko ruffled his hair.

"You are a good kid. Syaoran is as well." Mokona felt as of she was witnessing a private moment. She had not seen this peace in Yuuko since she was first created. Moments after her creation Yuuko had become distant as Mokona and Mokona were sealed away.

"We'll let Syaoran rest now. Take good care of him Mokona." Yuuko side eyed Watanuki then Syaoran with sadness as the connection shut. 

* * *

Fai looked at the chocolate slice he cut for Syaoran then glanced at the door and sighed. Of course he wouldn't come, even if it was for chocolate cake. Kurogane disappeared into the room with soup and medicine a few minutes ago leaving Fai and Sakura to eat cake.

"Maybe he'll eat some cake tomorrow. Today was an exhausting day for anyone let alone a child." Sakura said resting her hand against Fai's arm as he twirled his fork. Fai glanced at her and smiled at the concern etched on her face. He didn't mean to make her worry 

"You're right." His heart ached as he thought of how cruel he's treated the boy. Was it any wonder Kurogane took the kid's side? Mokona took the kid's side without hesitation.

"But Syaoran!" Mokona cried out as she was carried out of the room.

"Is resting. After you eat then you can go back until then you won't be any good to him if you starve." Mokona's eyes watered as she sat in Kurogane's palm.

"Kurogane." She smiled tearfully at him. He glared uncomfortable by the display and tossed her at Fai. Fai reached out and caught their smallest companion. Fai saw the puzzled glance Kurogane shot the closed door before he headed to the kitchen with the bowl and wondered what had him confused.

Fai kept still as he watched Syaoran slip out of his room cradling Mokona to his chest. He leaned against the wall and sighed softly. He slowly made his way to Sakura's door and stared at it then glanced down at Mokona and twisted the doorknob open. Fai was surprised, Sakura locked the door at night. Syaoran kneeled and set Mokona on the floor allowing her to cross the threshold between the livingroom and Sakura's room before he shut the door. He stood slowly and stumbled to his room. He paused at the door then continued onwards and slowly shuffled to the front door. He stood on the tips of his toes and twisted the knob open.

"You should at least bring a sweater." Kurogane's voice startled Fai. He'd forgotten that the ninja had fallen asleep on the couch after giving him blood.

Syaoran glanced back at him then silently pulled the door open and slipped out. Kurogane sat up rubbing his hair clearly agitated. He swiftly entered the kid's room and theirs before exiting the apartment. Fai listened to Kurogane grumble under his breath about the kid and his independent streak.

Fai wondered how the child must feel to be so alone with people that he knows but don't know him.

* * *

Syaoran felt his skin crawl. He couldn't be in that place, confined. He could feel that his dreams had been touched and felt guilty that Sakura had witnessed the horror and pain he experienced when Syaoran was created. He'd woken when he felt her presence and pushed Mokona to her to soothe her worries. It wasn't enough though. 

It was never enough.

He'd destroyed everyone's lives including Sakura's. This imitation of life would figure out that she was not real and he didn't know how to tell her before that time. Her heart would break further.

"Oi, kid." Syaoran stiffened whirling around and dizzily stumbled to a halt as his vision swam. He shut his eyes and breathed slowly until the world held still beneath him. When he opened his eyes Kurogane was carrying him and had already placed his sweater on. 

"Next time you leave you take a damn sweater." Syaoran held still as Kurogane walked. He wondered where they were going, and if Kurogane would mind if Syaoran rested his head against his shoulder. He didn't dare presume that he would receive the same treatment he'd received yesterday after Kurogane carried him to Yamazaki.

"Listen..." Kurogane began shifting Syaoran and gently pushed Syaoran's face to his shoulder. "You don't have to keep silent about everything. Just rest, and when you're up to it. I can listen." Syaoran looked up seeing Kurogane look down at him. He frowned heavily but said nothing and curled his hands into Kurogane's sweater. Like this he could feel his body heat and hear the slow rythmic thump of his heartbeat. Feel the gentle swaying motion as he walked.

The silence in the air being broken by the faintest sound of footsteps.

The distant hum of vehicles in the distance.

All of it was somehow very soothing.

He missed being carried. He missed hugs.

He missed so much.

* * *

Kurogane stiffened as he looked down to see tears running down the kid's face. He was deeply asleep and didn't seem to be in any pain. He gently thumbed away the tears feeling remorse as he cradled the small head in his palm.

"You say even less than the other kid. At least he learned to share the burden." He muttered as he watched his breath fog drift skyward. Kurogane looked around for a place to sit knowing there was a bench around from all the walks they took. When he found the bench he sat down and hefted the kid higher into his arms and waited for time to pass. Whatever the kid had run from could wait to be addressed when he awoke. It'd be cruel to bring him back unaware.

The kid stirred rubbing his face into Kurogane's sweater. He huffed and glared sleepily at the sun as if he blamed it for waking him up. Kurogane smirked at the sleepy glare and tousled hair. At least this made him seem far different from the other kid. 

"You hair is a mess." The kid's lower lip protruded as he raised a hand to his hair. He sighed despondently.

"He had it easy. It always looks like a bird fell asleep in my hair." He murmured running his fingers through his hair to tame the wild locks. Any semblance of order vanished with the wind that passed by. He shot the wind a faintly betrayed look and burrowed closer to Kurogane's chest with a shudder.

"Alright, its way past time we broke our fast. No chocolate on the way!" He barked seeing the kid perk up. His eyes lost their joyous look, instead he sighed and gazed past Kurogane's shoulder at the bakery. The owner waved at him with a bright smile. The kid gave a small despondent wave that had the owner coming out.

"What's wrong little one? Looks like you got into quite the scrape." The kindly old man said giving the kid a once over. Kurogane felt felt his eyebrows twitch.

The nerve of the damn brat!

The kid gaze longingly at the shop. Imploring eyes bewitched the owner as he fell for the charm of what could only be puppy eyes. Cheeky.

* * *

Sakura doesn't understand what happened. Kurogane placed a box of baked goods on top of the fridge and deposited Syaoran onto the couch. Syaoran peeked over the back of the couch with large watery eyes. Her heart throbbed.

"No chocolate until you've eaten food." Kurogane glared. Syaoran disappeared from view with a loud sigh that seemed to give off the impression that his spirit had been visibly crushed with those six words.

"Meanie Kurogane! Always picking on Syaoran!" Mokona cried out indignantly beating her tiny paws to Kurogane's face. Kurogane grabbed her in one hand and squeezed her with a scary look on his face.

"Excuse me for trying to make sure he eats healthy food. You, pork bun, have no room to talk." Mokona went from flailing and yelling to be freed to laughing nervously and struggling to get away.

"Mokona was trying to be nice!!" She cried out as Kurogane lobbed her into the couch cushions. Sakura made to set the last plate on the table when Kurogane held out his hand for the plate and took it to the couch. He set the plate down and shook out a pill from the square plastic case then handed it to Syaoran.

"Eat as much as you can... And you better not eat any less so you can have room for those pastries you con artist." He muttered flicking Syaoran's forehead.

"Nngh." He mumbled in response. Kurogane made his way to the table with Mokona in hand. As they sat down to eat Sakura realized this was the first time that they'd all had a meal together in the same room. Even with Syaoran not sitting at the table he was still in the same room as them while they ate. She couldn't bear the thought of him being ostracized any longer. This distance she was enforcing was far more cruel than she had realized.

_He was a child!_

_Children needed warmth and safety._

_Not isolation and danger._

She should have denied him back then. But then what? He'd be trapped unable to travel anywhere and far from home. 

"Ah, those shakes Yamazaki-sensei recommended should still be in the fridge." Fai said as he served everyone a glass of juice. Syaoran coughed suddenly and peeked over the couch to glare at Kurogane.

"It tastes disgusting." Kurogane's eyebrow twitched.

"Haven't you heard the more disgusting it tastes the better it is for you?" But even as he said those words he seemed to pale at the mere mention of the drinks. Sakura remembered Kurogane angrily muttering about a doctor that should mind his own business. How someone grew was up to their family not medicine. Kurogane though, took Syaoran's health very seriously. 

"We had a deal remember?" Syaoran glanced away and shrunk out of view. "Anything for?" Kurogane prompted.

"I don't have a problem..." Then he whispered something that sounded suspiciously like chocolate. Kurogane made his way to the couch with one of the bright blue bottles and held it out to Syaoran. Sakura glanced at Fai who shrugged but Mokona quivered and seemed to puff up. She watched Syaoran pass his plate to Kurogane and take the bottle. She could hear him take a deep breath in then let it out and then she heard the sound of someone rapidly gulping down liquid. 

Syaoran gagged then coughed violently for several moments. He groaned and Kurogane reached a hand down to possibly ruffle his hair.

"Urgh." Syaoran groaned miserably. Kurogane seemed to take pity on him as he pulled something out of his pocket and passed it to him. 

"This changes nothing." He muttered in misery as Kurogane covered him up. Sakura felt a warmth in her chest when she saw the corner of Kurogane's lips lift upwards. He truly cared for Syaoran. He was what Syaoran needed.

* * *

Syaoran shuddered as the caramel flavored ball mixed with the disgusting shake he had to drink. Yamazaki was evil incarnate. Falling behind on the growth scale. Trouble maintaining weight. Pfft. Syaoran would grow just fine, he did the first time when he traveled all over Clow on his own. He grew up just fine and would again. He didn't need help. But Kurogane seemed to take his health very seriously

He even tried to limit his intake of sweets. Confiscated the stash under his bed and inside Mokona. How he knew about that he would never know. He blamed Fai. The magician had a sweet tooth and probably sniffed it out.

He was holding a grudge because Syaoran ate the last of the syrup. Or maybe because Yuuko sent him mini cakes Kimihiro baked and he didn't share them all. He did leave them enough to have two each.

Something was in his arms. It felt soft and fuzzy. It smelled sweet? Something comforting drifted lazily off of it. It felt familiar yet it also felt foreign.

"Where did he get the bear?" Syaoran buried his face into the soft fabric to get away from the loud noise. Something touched his face and he stiffened.

_"You're going to give me what I want or you'll never see the light of day." Syaoran grit his teeth as he fought the magic pressing him down. Trying to make him submit. He wasn't going to be used this way. He wasn't going to let this man hurt Sakura ever again!_

_Sakura hovered just out of reach as she was set to go through the same process. It hurt._

_Everything burned._

_It was like he was being torn to pieces. The harder he fought, the harsher the pain was. It hadn't felt like this the first couple of times. But then those times hadn't actually drawn out his essence._

Syaoran felt something holding his hand. He trembled as he tried to breathe to regain his breath. 

"Syaoran-kun?" Syaoran felt his breath catch in his throat as he met emerald eyes. It was **too** much.

He'd failed her. She held his hand.

And yet he hadn't reached out. Her hand outstretched forever out of reach even as his hand was cradled. He gripped the hand holding his tightly as he choked.

He didn't deserve this comfort. He didn't earn forgiveness.

He was an impostor in his own life. And he'd hurt _this_ Sakura. Worse, he was still hurting her.

He was gathered into Sakura's hold and he felt like the worst sort of human being alive.

"Shh. Good dream in me, come out. Flow into Syaoran-kun. Bad dream in Syaoran-kun, come out." Syaoran remembers _his_ Sakura performing this same ritual for him. Trying to ease the burden he carried without ever knowing what it was. 

_It hurt._

_His heart hurt._

He was choking. Tears blurred his vision as warmth encompassed him. His skin crawled. He felt nauseated. He needed to get away. He had to get away.

He wanted so badly to stay here.

He missed the comforting feeling that came from a reassuring hug. He held on desperately even as everything in him screamed to get away. To get away or he'd be in a lot of pain very soon. He squeezed his eyes shut.

He bit his lip to stifle the small noises of discomfort.

He gripped tightly to the small softness that felt so familiar and safe when everything around felt as if it was falling apart.

* * *

Kurogane watched the kid sob and cling to the princess and bear as if his whole world had fallen apart. The pork bun hadn't seemed surprised at the nightmare or lack of reaction aside from the heavy breathing. But when the princess grabbed his hand and his eyes watered she had looked relieved and frightened.

The princess bundled him into her lap and rocked him gently murmuring platitudes. Even using the same good dream spell she'd used with the other kid. He fell apart completely after that. Wailing in agony as he gripped her hand like a lifeline.

Then abruptly the sound cut off. The kid pressed his tearstained face into the princess' shoulder and cried in silence. Kurogane's heart throbbed.

No one could silence their screams of pain like this unless they had practice.

He knows of only _one_ reason that the kid would learn to silence himself. How cruel.

The mage looked troubled as he reached the same conclusion. The pork bun and the princess both wept as they cuddled the kid. This wasn't how he wanted her to start getting along with the kid. It wasn't fair.

Kurogane looked up from sharpening his sword when the princess sat up. She shifted the kid off her lap and tried to disentangle their hands but the kid stubbornly held on. He stared in dazed confusion. 

"Please..." He breathed out lips trembling even as he shuddered and flinched. The princess gently grasped his hand.

"I'll be right back." He looked crushed letting his hand fall limply onto his lap as he buried his face in the bear. The pork bun was curled into his neck rubbing their cheeks together.

This kid was shattered. Possibly beyond repair, yet he still fought and struggled to live and gain back the life stolen from him. How could he still continue onwards? Kurogane had only been able to continue forward because of his drive for revenge which pushed him into the arms of the dimension witch. This kid didn't have the spirit of a fighter. He was gentle. And purehearted.

"Does Syaoran want to speak-" the kid freaked out. He covered the pork bun's forehead wildly shaking his head in terror. It was silent. The kid wheezed. 

"Mokona won't. Syaoran... Mokona won't..." The pork bun warbled tearfully. What happened? What did the pork bun do? Those two were thick as thieves but something had driven a wedge between them. 

"Kid?" Kurogane called out. Wild amber eyes flicked his way then back to the manju bun. He curled his knees to his chest and hid the manju bun from view with a twitch. Kurogane set his sword aside after sliding it back in the sheath. The mage popped his head out of the room with a wary look as he glanced at him in confusion. Kurogane paid him no mind as he reached out and waited for the kid to see his hand before resting his hand on the kid's head. He ruffled his hair gently and flicked his forehead.

"I won't tell the stupid quack." Kurogane sighed wanting to wipe that kicked puppy look off the kid's face. He shrugged hesitantly not understanding. Kurogane glanced at the mage gesturing to the pastry box on the top of the fridge. His mouth formed an exaggerated o shape as he hurried to the fridge and removed the pastey box.

"Yamazaki-san isn't stupid... He's just different..." The kid's cheeks puffed as he shifted the pork bun onto his shoulder. "And a lying liar that lies." He hissed petulantly.

"You're still sore about the-" the kid fiercely jabbed his finger in Kurogane's direction.

"You said you wouldn't bring it up. Ever!" He growled heat engulfing his face. Kurogane couldn't blame him for his embarrassment.

For being so mistrusting and jaded... The kid practically fell for every lie that spewed from the quack's mouth.

* * *

Fai watched the exchange in silence. The ease at which these two interacted amazed him. The kid trusted Kurogane. Leaned on him even when he tried not to. And Kurogane let him. Prodded him into leaning when he fought against his fear of touching. He could see that the kid had been terrified of the prolonged contact with the princess but he pushed forward and clung tightly as if she'd vanish the second he let go.

"Don't make me regret this." Kurogane said accepting the box from Fai and handed it to the kid. Or rather he set it down beside the kid and Mokona opened it. A dozen different chocolate pastries sat nestled in the box. Fai gazed at the confections with longing.

The kid glared. Shifting his glare from Kurogane to the box. Mistrust in every line. Kurogane smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Mokona will eat one!" The kid watched Mokona gulp a pastry down before reaching into the box continuously glaring at Kurogane.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He declared then scarfed down the pastry.

It was little scary.

For being so tiny. The Kid could pack away the chocolate. It made Fai nervous for the cake he brought. 

"Oi." Kurogane's eyebrow twitched as the Mokona and the kid really went at it. "Oi. Slow down you addict." He reached a hand that was violently kicked aside as the kid jumped to his feet.

"Never!" He jumped off the couch and sped to the room with the box held above his head and Mokona sitting in the box. Kurogane smiled, a very dark scary smile as he instantly took off after them.

"Get your own!" The kid cried out pivoting on his heel and slipping between Kurogane's legs. The kid was leading Kurogane on a wild chase using his small size to his advantage. At one point he simply sat under the table with Mokona as they emptied the box. Shifting the chairs to block Kurogane's reaching hands. Sakura walked in just as Kurogane lifted the table over his head.

"What are you doing?" She cried out in shock. Fai reached out to steady her and smiled, her unease faded to confusion.

"Syaoran has a chocolate addiction. And Kurogane is very strict when it comes to matters of Syaoran's health." Sakura's mouth dropped open slightly as she looked back at Kurogane. He had the kid tucked into the crook of his arm as he viciously rubbed his mouth clean with a napkin. The kid struggled for all he was worth as he tried to get free.

"I don't have a problem! You do!" He cried out shoving and pushing at Kurogane's hand. Mokona sat on Kurogane's head cheering Syaoran on.

"If it isn't a problem then why do you-" Kurogane's head snapped back as the kid managed to smack him with the hand encased in plaster. "Always scarf it down?" The kid held still using his other hand to touch Kurogane's face. Kurogane held still closing his eyes as Syaoran gently prodded the reddened area. His hand smoothed the area with gentle care.

"Sorry." He whispered eyes shutting with shame. Kurogane grabbed the hand on his cheek and shook his head.

"You always take it away. Yamazaki-sensei told you I was malnourished and short. Then you took away the chocolate." He pointed accusingly at Kurogane's face. Kurogane paused then sighed letting go of the small hand.

"You're right." The kid crossed his arms over his chest and pointedly looked away. "That wasn't fair." It was silent for all of a minute as the kid stayed facing away before he too sighed.

"Chocolate is sugar which makes for energy and creates a rush of endorphins in the human body which helps. I like it... But I shouldn't eat so much." He said matter of factly.

"Still not addicted though." He muttered as he was set down. Mokona was smashed into his head eliciting twin cries of outrage.

"I'm not going to be taking the sweets away so long as you stop hoarding them and overeating." The kid shared a glance with Mokona before holding up his pinky. Kurogane frowned eyeing the small finger.

"It's a pinky promise. It means I'll hold true to my words, not to hoard or eat all the chocolate I see." Kurogane leaned forward and held out his own pinky to the kid who reached out to grab his hand and pushed their hands together. He curled his pinky around Kurogane's longer pinky and nodded solemnly when Kurogane returned the gesture. He swung their linked pinkies up and down.

"Does the country of Clow do these types of promises often?" Asked Fai as he glanced at Sakura but she looked confused.

"I've never seen it in Clow. Maybe he picked it up in another country?" She asked herself perplexed by the childishly cute gesture.

"Pinky promise hope to die. Swallow a thousand needles if i lie." Fai was taken aback by the solemn vow that accompanied the cute gesture. Even more he was surprised by the dead serious look in Syaoran's eyes as he looked up at Kurogane. Kurogane also looked taken aback.

* * *

Mokona could feel a soul aching despair resonate in Syaoran's soul when he linked little fingers with Kurogane. It faded away like an old wound when he let go. 

"We didn't finish our walk." He said curling his arms over his stomach. Mokona frowned when she saw him clutching his sweater tightly and wondered if this was the same gesture as before. She hopped off Syaoran's head and landed on the couch searching for the bear Kurogane had given him when he fell asleep on the couch.

"Aha!" She cried out in triumph catch everyone's attention. Syaoran looked so small. Lonely. Scared.

Mokona hefted the toy bigger than her and hopped over to Syaoran depositing it into his awaiting arms. He paused and glanced at the bear in one hand then Mokona in the other. The bear was stuffed into the hood of his sweater and his arms wrapped around Mokona's midsection.

"Mokona is very kind." He smiled softly down at her. Mokona smiled back. Mokona had listened to his unspoken plea. She was learning.

Mokona looked around the crowded sidewalk. Syaoran didn't seem to mind but she could sense that he felt uneasy as he always did in crowded places. He slipped past people always keeping within reaching distance of Kurogane as he listened to the people chatter.

"I heard it's the new team that's been the most popular."

"The death threats don't seem to bother them, poor kid though. There hasn't been a child slave seen in public in so long though."

"No, remember Kisa? She's still pretty popular in those shows. She's eleven now." 

"I'm betting the kid in that chess tournament makes it to the finals. I've bet a large sum on them."

"Hm? They're popular but doesn't seem likely that they'll win. The kid gets beat up a lot and all of the rules don't work in their favor."

Syaoran pulled his hood closer to cover more of his face as he hugged Mokona closer. 

"Hey, kid." Kurogane held out his hand as the crowds drew closer together. Syaoran reached up grabbing Kurogane's sleeve and walked closer as he frowned thoughtfully.

"Kurogane-san, we need to go to that place." Mokona didn't like that place. They had employed Kurogane and had also given Syaoran work in exchange for the information. He'd ended up banged up more times than Mokona could count but he'd held his own.

It was their fault Syaoran learned about child slavery, chess tournaments and the mafia that would entertain the idea of a child fighting.

There was so much violence, Syaoran could get hurt. Had been hurt.

Kurogane sighed and lifted his own hood to cover his face.

"How long?" He asked leading them away from the nice neighborhood to the more shady districts that they had arrived in. Syaoran practically molded himself to Kurogane's side without having to touch him. It was surprising that neither tripped with Syaoran literally half a step behind.

"Ten minutes at most. Sachi-san owes you a favor from the last job and owes me another for holding that thing." Mokona worried for Syaoran and Kurogane the most in this world. They kept silent about what they did to help the others.

"Mokona, remain hidden please." Syaoran smiled down at her as he zipped her into his sweater.

Loud music. Louder humans. Glass. The sound of flesh hitting flesh. Cards being shuffled. Wooden sticks hitting wooden sticks and the cracking of round objects. Mokona hated it all.

"Fuma! Subaru!" Mokona could hear Kurogane grumble at their aliases but otherwise remained silent. Syaoran tensed as did Mokona, when he relaxed she realized that he'd been picked up to be set on the stools. A hand brushed over her back as Syaoran soothed her while pretending to smooth down his clothes.

"Sachi-san, what can you tell me about the finals of previous tournaments." Syaoran asked thrumming with anxiety despite the poker face he was no doubt wearing.

"Ah, Subaru. What will you give me?" Something hit the wood beside Mokona hard enough to splinter it.

"Aha ha... Fuma, I didn't- easy." The bar tender stuttered.

"You owe us. The kid especially- going behind my back like that." Mokona patted Syaoran's chest when he turned then faced forward again.

"Eagle, he changes the rules for the semi-finals and finals each year. But there is one consistency. The semifinalists are always fought by one family. They toe the line each year and get closer and closer to breaking the rules." The man paused sliding something across the wood. Something landed in front of Syaoran and Kurogane. Syaoran made no move, Kurogane sent it back after a minute.

"The final match is fought by Eagle's top men. This year those top men are Geo and Lantis. Both are incredible combatants with unknown skills." Syaoran was crushed with disappointment, but other than a sigh Mokona would not have been able to tell if she couldn't feel it.

"Talking about Eagle's men carries its own risks. Consider my debt paid." An arm rested under Mokona's paws. Two arms wrapped around her body.

"Then we'll take out leave." Kurogane sounded bored, but alert. His arm tightened around Syaoran and Mokona as the pushed their way through the crowd.

Mokona looked at Syaoran's bowed head as he rested his face in his palms. Kurogane sat beside him staring up at the sky resting his elbow along Syaoran's back.

"I thought so. But to have it confirmed." Syaoran pulled his face away from his hands steepling his fingers to rest his chin on the backs of his hands.

"It's going to a lot harder in the next few matches as we reach the semi-finals. The Princess' will faltered twice the last two matches. And you and Fai-san are not allowed to lend a hand." Syaoran glared down at the floor.

"That family is going to cross the line and use illegal methods. And we might have to face those two, Geo and Lantis for the finals along with a third unknown." Kurogane continued mpving his elbow to rest it on the back of the bench when Syaoran sat up.

"Can I ask for your help Kurogane-san?" Mokona looked between the two of them as Kurogane sat up straight turning his intense gaze on Syaoran.

"Does it involve you being hurt?" Syaoran lowered his hands to his lap and swung his legs back and forth.

"I won't die. If that's what you meant." He responded stilling as he tilted his head back to look at the sky. "Being hurt is the only alternative to keeping everyone alive." His smile lacked warmth, it felt empty. 

"You're..." Kurogane stared at him wide eyed in stunned silence.

"I'm paying the price for my wish. I realized it a few years ago... Watching Syaoran live..." He looked down at Mokona with that empty smile and rubbed her head. "Trying to make your dreams happen, you can't falter or let others dictate your life. Sometimes people get hurt when faced with your determination, but you have to keep going because the second you falter." Syaoran closed his eyes, and when he opened them Mokona could see his regret and determination.

"I made a decision, that no matter the cost I was going to protect Sakura. Everything I've done... It will all have been for nothing..." He looked haunted by those words. He turned his head to the left and looked up. "So will you help me Kurogane-san?" Kurogane shut his eyes, his heart was breaking but he didn't show it. Instead he looked at Syaoran and nodded.

"The mage and princess are keeping secrets, why not add more?" He said rhetorically pulling Syaoran into his side in a side hug. "You had better keep your word."

* * *

Syaoran bit his lip as he leaned into the hold. 

It was frustrating.

Being unable to fulfill his own wish without help. But if he was going to change the future, he'd need all the help he could get. He wasn't going to mess this second chance up. He'd grab hold of Sakura's hand and he'd never let go.

Even if that meant hurting people. 

Or being hurt.

He'd manipulate the board to ruin that man's plans. One by one he was going to tear apart the restrictions binding him. 

He made the choice to make his wish come true. Even if it meant destroying someone else's wish. He would take the punishment for changing the future from what the princess tried to shift it to. 

"Syaoran." Mokona whispered tearfully and he felt guilt. He cupped his hands beneath the gentle creature and raised her to his face.

"I'm sorry Mokona. Can you please keep this a secret?" Mokona's eyes watered and he felt like the world's most wretched human being. He pressed his forehead to hers.

"I'm so very sorry." He whispered. Mokona shook her head rubbing her paws to Syaoran's cheeks.

"Mokona will keep quiet. But Syaoran has to learn to ask for more." Syaoran thought about the bear Mokona had retrieved for him while he slept the first time. Then again before they went for their walk.

"I'll try." Kurogane rubbed his head and stood up.

"It's getting late, we should hurry back." Syaoran nodded then hesitantly raised his hands. Kurogane didn't even pause and simply picked him up.

"This way we get back faster, we're a long ways away." Syaoran nodded silently.

* * *

"Kurogane cheated!" Mokona cried out indignantly as she entered the apartment alongside Syaoran and Kurogane. Kurogane had Syaoran sitting on his shoulders with Mokona riding on top of Syaoran's head. 

"No I didn't. You weren't paying attention." He defended kneeling down and lifting Syaoran off his shoulders.

"Kurogane-san didn't cheat. I was watching very closely." Syaoran said before he smirked at Mokona. "I cheated." Mokona gaped pointing her paw at him in a dramatic fashion.

"Syaoran! Why?!" Mokona wailed in betrayal. Syaoran picked her up and giggled into her stomach. 

"Mokona was trying so hard to cheat she didn't see me cheat." He snickered as Kurogane ruffled his wild hair. "Sorry Mokona." His mirth twinkled brightly in his amber eyes. Mokona couldn't seem to hold onto her feelings of betrayal as she too began to laugh.

"Mokona wants to play another round. This time against Syaoran." He agreed pulling out a deck of battered cards from his pocket and handed them to Kurogane who shuffled as he sat down. 

"Alright, what are you putting up this time pork bun." Mokona puffed up and shot out a dagger. Kurogane pulled out something from his pocket and put it in the center of the small circle they formed. Syaoran searched his clothes and pulled out piece of paper. It was a coupon for a bakery.

"Oi, princess, mage. Either of you want to join in?" Kurogane asked setting out the cards. Syaoran stared blankly at his cards looking dazed. Mokona huffed at him and stared at her cards in concentration. Sakura declined as did Fai who smiled at her as he set about making dinner.

"How?!" Mokona demanded as Syaoran one for the third time in a row. "Mokona can't feel anything from Syaoran!" She beat her tiny paws against Syaoran's knee when he smiled at her.

"Because Mokona cheats that way. I'm not tired, I'm meditating while we play." Kurogane smirked at him then let out a small chuckle.

"Leave it to you to figure out a way to keep the manju bun from cheating." Mokona laughed too.

"And I didn't even have to cheat." He said serenely collecting the scraps of favors they began to bet on the second round.

"Dinner is ready." Fai called out, Sakura set down the score board and reached down to help Syaoran to his feet when he made no move to get up. He grasped her hand firmly and wobbled to his feet. 

He barely made it to the table. He didn't last more than five minutes before falling asleep. Kurogane gathered Syaoran into his arms and fished the bear out of Syaoran's hood pushing it into his arms. He wrapped his arms around the bear and smiled softly as he buried his face in the furry object. Sakura's heart gave a little jolt at the heartwarming scene.

"Pork bun?" Mokona devoured her bowl and spit it out before hopping onto Syaoran's knee. Kurogane disappeared into Syaoran's room to tuck him in. Sakura realized that she wanted to see Syaoran smile. She wanted him to laugh and play games.

She wanted to hold his hand and make his worries disappear. The small hand that had desperately held onto her... He'd been so afraid but unwilling to let go despite his fear. A fear she was making worse by allowing him to fight.

"Syaoran-kun is a very sweet child." Sakura smiled at Fai. Fai looked down smiling in sorrow.

"Yes, he is also a good child." The two shared a look before glancing away as Kurogane emerged from the room. He shot them both a suspicious glare.

"I've avoided calling him by name until now... Tomorrow i start using his name, you should as well." He looked them both in the eye and Sakura nodded. She noticed, yet she hadn't realized it. All this time.

Mokona alome had called out Syaoran's name.

He'd essentially been nameless for months in their presence.


	7. I Spent So Much Time That I'm Never Getting Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Down time was time spent recuperating for the next match. That's how it usually went.  
> So... Then why was he in this grassy area with dozens of children running with wild manic glee?  
> He also didn't expect that Sakura and Fai would find out about what he and Kurogane did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: re:re- Natewantstobattle cover

Syaoran breathed out slowly and then made a fist. His muscles twinged uncomfortably. And he couldn't even form a proper fist with his right hand. He slowly rotated his arms and began stretching, always stopping when he reached a point between pain and discomfort. He curls his knees to his chest and hugs the bear gifted to him. Mokona slept on in the silence of the room leaving Syaoran to be awake. Outside the walls of his room he was aware that the others had long since fallen asleep and pondered his request.

"Yuuko?" Syaoran called out in a shaky whisper, afraid that the call would warp once again. There was no movement for several tense seconds before Yuuko appeared. Her long raven hair was draped over a bare shoulder and she held a pipe in one hand. Syaoran could see the sorrow in her red eyes.

"I... Have a wish..." She nodded setting down the pipe.

"Fate has already been set in motion. Your wish, and that of the desert princess..." Yuuko looked up, moonlight bearing down on her pale skin giving her an ethereal look.

"Yes, it is within the sphere of my interference... Considering you made your wish first and my priority is to the one who made the wish first." She gazed down at him reaching into the folds of her robe to reveal a leather bound bracelet with an opal center piece. Syaoran dug under the mattress and removed a golden tube that was the length of his palm and heavily engraved with enochian runes. "That vial of grace lost from this world for centuries, found its way into you possession in another world is proof." Syaoran felt guilty. He'd seen this in a text the Other read with father. Had found it during one of his excursions and had stolen it when the owner would not part with it. The brief premonition of disaster should the tube remain in this corrupt world.

And here he was trading away ill begotten gains to further his wish.

"I will do what I must. To save her..." He clenched his hand around the tube tightly enough that the runes dug into his skin. "I'm not going to allow the others to be hurt anymore." He accepted the bracelet and sent the tube into Mokona's mouth. Yuuko used the ribbon loosely holding her hair to bind the glowing tube.

"You have a question about Watanuki." Syaoran hugged his arms to his chest and nodded.

"You're teaching him... But his magic..." Syaoran flinched as he heard movement outside his room. It was silent and he realized that someone had gone to the restroom.

"You told me once to grant a wish it had to be equal. How long did it take you to learn?" He whispered thinking about the air of loneliness and wisdom Kimihiro had worn.

"Sa. When I first began as this shop's owner I made mistakes. Mistakes Watanuki will make if he is to learn how to negate any consequences. You can not take too much or too little. Determination. Passion. Strength and will. All are factors." Yuuko shut her eyes looking pained.

"The wheels of fate continue to turn in preparation for that day." Syaoran clutched the bracelet in his hand then cupped his hands over it and focused on pushing his magic into it. "Once that is used it will shatter. The leather will continue to hold remnants of your magic and can be used as a protective barrier. That too can only be used once." She said pointing at the glowing opal.

"Once is enough. I'm not going to let go this time." She heaved a small sigh.

"You never change... I will continue to protect Watanuki. You've made your wish known to him, only he can make it happen. But until then I, along with a few others will try to teach him the value of life." The feed went dead just as someone knocked on his door. Syaoran silently slipped out of bed and opened the door to see Kurogane with a glass of water in one hand and sake in the other. He jerked his head at the table and walked off. Syaoran glanced at Mokona and slipped out of the room keeping his palms cupped together.

Syaoran held out his hand and accepted the water. Kurogane remained silent, watching the sake swirl around in his cup. Syaoran kept his hand clenched tight to cover the brilliant glow that came from the opal being infused with magic.

"You talked with the witch." Syaoran nodded taking a sip of his water. Kurogane drank a mouthful of sake then held out his hand. Syaoran set his fist down in Kurogane's palm but didnt move to open his hand. Instead he met his gaze head on.

"Promise me that you'll use this on me when the time is right." He demanded, he had to make sure that Kurogane would keep his word or everything would fall apart.

* * *

Kurogane peered at the small fist resting in his palm then at the solemn face.

"Promise me that you'll use this on me when the time is right." He ordered eyes burning with the intensity of his determination. Kurogane gently closed his hand around the much smaller hand and raised his sword, pointing the handle to the kid he kneeled down and closed his eyes.

"I, Kurogane of Nihon, under the Tsukiyomi, vow to use this item entrusted to me by Syaoran when the time comes." The small hand in his opened and slipped free. He opened his eyes and saw a leather bracelet with a pulsing opalite orb nestled in the center resting in his palm. The kid had his hands curled into the fabric of his shirt.

"I stored some of my magic in that stone..." He looked down grimacing. "Wear it until that day comes... You'll know when you must use it." The kid looked up at him, amber eyes filled with sorrow locked onto him.

"You promised... So I'll promise too." He held out his pinky again. Kurogane curled his pinky around the kid's and waited. "I promise I won't die, or let anyone else die when that moment comes." He said swinging their pinkies up and down.

"Pinky promise hope to die, swallow a thousand needles if I lie." He whispered then released Kurogane's pinky and slipped out of his chair. He grabbed his cup and silently padded over to his room.

The door shut with an inaudible click leaving Kurogane alone. He slipped the bracelet over his wrist and tensed at the feeling of electricity that danced over him. The feeling faded and the pulsing orb slowly died down.

Syaoran needed stability. Safety. And trust. Vowing to help the way he had, it had been to gain his trust. He didn't need the kid pulling off something on his own the way the mage and princess were. He'd end up worse off than either of them.

He could taste static in his mouth which was a shame.

It ruined the taste of sake.

Kurogane knocked on the kid's door when he didn't get up for breakfast. He pushed open the door to peek into the room and found the kid fast asleep curled up around the stuffed bear. The pork bun was sleeping on the side of the kid's face. He looked exhausted, letting him rest for a while longer should be fine. He walked over to him and reached out to poke his forehead and was satisfied when the kid didn't have a temperature. He fixed the covers and exited the room.

"Don't serve the kid, he's still sleeping." Kurogane informed the mage drinking the tea set out. The mage glanced at the room with an unreadable look in his eyes.

"He usually doesn't sleep in. Did something happen?" Kurogane eyed the mage and wondered if he heard Kurogane's vow. 

"He's more banged up than usual." He shrugged in response. The mage said nothing for a moment before nodding his head.

"I suppose he is. And the nightmares don't help do they?" His shoulders slumped as he made his way to the table.

"He has nightmares every night?" The princess asked glancing at the door with worry. Finally she was dropping that apathy she picked up just before they left Tokyo. Kurogane remained silent as did the mage but she easily picked up on their unspoken confirmation. 

The meal was eaten in silence. The mage and princess seemed dispirited now that they were coming to pay attention to Syaoran. He didn't know what to think, was it better or worse now that they were finally paying the kid attention. Either way, there was progress.

The door opened and Syaoran stumbled out of the room with his hair in complete disarray as a small fist sleepily rubbed at his eye and the other held the pork bun. He peered blearily at the table then at the window. His mouth dropped open as he stared at the window with wide eyes.

"I slept in?" He looked bewildered at the thought of not waking up at dawn the way he usually did. Kurogane rested his arm on the back of the couch and turned back to the tv.

"Hurry through your morning ablutions." Kurogane felt his stomach knot up. "You have to drink that shake." He can't believe how foul it tastes. He drank a sip of it wanting to prove that the kid was just being dramatic. The doctor liked him and wouldn't give him anything bad. How wrong he was.

It was worse than anything he ever suffered in Nihon and for the kid to drink it twice daily was absolute torture.

"Sleep sounds good." The kid said turning to go back to his room. Kurogane sat up and faced the kid completely. The kid froze in the act of closing the door. His eyes watered and his lower lip protruded slightly as he gave off an air of being wounded. Kurogane couldn't believe this. Again.

"Ok." He sighed despondently making his way to the restroom as he dragged his feet. 

"Um... Kurogane-san, does he have to drink that?" The princess asked having fallen for the charm. Kurogane couldn't believe he fooled her. And the mage apparently.

"Yes. And we made a deal either way. That stupid quack had better mind his own business next week." Kurogane clenched his hand into a fist at the thought of the infuriating man. Just the thought of him and what he would have to say next week pissed him off to no end. Who did he think he was? Kurogane looked after the kid just fine, not that he even needed looking after. 

"Oh, he has a doctor's appointment next week." The mage hummed thoughtfully as he reheated the soup from earlier to serve the kid.

"Mokona, I just brushed my hair." The kid sighed exiting the restroom. He was picking at the plaster encased hand as he glanced upwards with a frown.

"But Syaoran's hair is so fluffy and soft." The pork bun was rubbing herself in the kid's hair making it look worse than when he'd climbed out of bed. The kid looked down and caught Kurogane's gaze and instantly averted his gaze as he began to sulk. He made his way to the table and climbed into his chair setting the pork bun down as the mage set food down before them.

The kid didn't bother stalling and ate at a regular pace. He looked slightly unnerved to be the center of attention so Kurogane went back to the tv and was joined by the princess while the mage resumed baking. 

"Good luck Syaoran." Kurogane turned slightly to watch the kid. He was pale as he held the drink like one would hold a particularly vicious snake. He shuddered then knocked his head back and drank the liquid as quickly as he could. He set the drink down and gagged. Coughing violently into his elbow for nearly a minute.

"Yamazaki-sensei probably lied about needing to drink that." He whined rubbing his mouth with his hand as if he could wipe off the taste.

"The quack doesn't lie about medicine. We'll ask him how much longer you have to take those." The kid sighed resting his chin on the table and Kurogane could understand. "We could see of they have different flavors." He compromised and already knew what the kid was thinking when he perked up. One track mind this kid.

He shook his head.

* * *

Sakura was still surprised to see Kurogane smile. It was small and fond but still very much a smile. And Syaoran was practically glowing with happiness even if he didn't smile. It was strange but she never really saw Syaoran smile. Sometimes he would appear to perk up but he never shifted facial expressions. His eyes were very expressive and told her what he felt when she looked at him. It was just this past day that she'd seen him be more expressive.

"No walking around today, we went further than usual yesterday." Syaoran nodded his head as he scooted his dishes to the edge of the table and slipped off his chair. He gathered the dishes and made his way to the kitchen sink carefully keeping his distance from Fai. Fai gave no notice as he continued mixing ingredients. Kurogane flipped through the stations looking bored but Sakura could see that while he changed channels the screen was black which gave him a clear reflection to watch Syaoran. Syaoran was glaring up at the sink that was a foot higher than he was tall. 

Mokona was pushing a chair his way seconds after he pouted at the table. He looked surprised even as he gave a nod of thanks. He set the dishes on the chair and climbed up kneeling to bring the dishes with him. He set the dishes in the sink and then stared radiating frustration. Sakura could see Fai glance over at Syaoran but a hand gesture from Kurogane prevented him from doing anything.

Syaoran turned on the water and grabbed a sponge in his left hand and awkardly grabbed a bowl go scrub clean. It was silent aside from the sounds of Fai mixing, water running and dishes quietly clinking together. Sakura continued to watch Syaoran through the reflection of the screen. Fai had finished setting three cakes in the oven and silently leaned against the counter as Syaoran dried the dishes. He turned around and jumped as he caught sight of Fai. He looked at the dirty mixing utensils and slowly extended his hands.

"I can wash them." Syaoran jumped again hands falling completely still as he frowned. He lowered his gaze to glance at Mokona who did something Sakura couldn't see.

"It's fine." Fai gently set the bowls and mixing utensils in Syaoran's hands keeping his hands close by in case the weight was too heavy. Syaoran pursed his lips and glared at Fai turning away abruptly.

"I told you the kid has an independent streak a mile wide." Kurogane stated leaning his cheek against his closed fist as he settled on a channel that was discussing history. Sakura clenched her hands in her lap as she listened to Syaoran wash the dishes.

Syaoran didn't head into his room as he usually did when he didn't go out. Neither did she as she wanted to see Syaoran and learn a little more about him before attempting to make up for her mistakes.

"Kurogane-san?" He asked stopping in front of the man coincidentally blocking the tv. Kurogane didn't shift but seemed to give off the impression that he was listening. Syaoran looked down brows furrowed and eyes shifting left to right.

"How do I take a bath with this?" He asked holding up the hand encased in plaster. Kurogane's eyes widened before narrowing.

"That quack didn't say anything, just to keep it dry. You didn't put in the water while washing the dishes, i don't think you can do the same in the shower." He sat up looking irritated as he rubbed the back of his head. He sighed getting to his feet and heading to the kitchen to look through the cabinets. Syaoran padded after him like a duckling. Mokona sat atop his head humming and swaying this way and that way.

"We can use this. We'll ask that lying quack what we're supposed to use when we see him." Kurogane muttered kneeling down and wrapping the plastic material used to wrap the leftovers around the plaster. Syaoran held still with his arm outstretched but Sakura could read a tension in the line of his shoulders. Kurogane seemed to as well, he moved slowly and touched Syaoran as little as possible.

Sakura was walking in the park with Fai as she has been walking here the past few months for rehabilitation. Even though she could not move her leg, she allowed Fai to continue talking her on these strolls.

"Syaoran always takes walks doesn't he?" Asked Fai as they glanced at the children playing around. Their joy and laughter.

Syaoran was rarely expressive. And when he was, it was solely to Mokona and Kurogane every now and then. He was imprisoned and hurt. For how long? And why would he continue to help Sakura if he admitted to not feeling the companionship Syaoran had. He was just a child, and yet...

"We should take him with us tomorrow. Kurogane-san said he could not go out anymore today." Sakura stated grabbing hold of Fai's outstretched arm as she stumbled. Fai smiled down at her as they finished their last circuit. And started on the walk home. 

* * *

Fai stilled as did Sakura. Syaoran was being held aloft by the back of his shirt like some errant kitten misbehaving. His arms were crossed over his chest and he pouted with chocolate on his forehead, nose and lips. Mokona was completely caked in chocolate frosting. Cake was on the floor.

"Explain it to me again." Kurogane demanded leaning close to Syaoran who puffed up in indignantion.

"You never returned the gesture in Outo! It's rude and even if its months late it's better than not returning the gift. So i tried to send it through Mokona..." Syaoran began defensively then twiddled his fingers together as his cheeks turned pink.

"Watanuki..." He began then faltered poking his index fingers together. "Something was clinging to him when he reached out to catch the cake... It backfired into Mokona..." The pink began to darken and spread as his ear were covered by his shoulders.

"It wasn't his fault. This was probably because the gesture was returned so late." He gazed forlornly at the cake on the floor while Mokona wipes herself off.

"What's so important about returning the gesture?" Syaoran squirms uncomfortably pushing Kurogane's hands as the ninja wipes his face clean. Syaoran bristles angrily using his feet to push Kurogane's hand away while his hands pry at the hand clenched around the back of his shirt.

"It's Valentine's day. Girls give chocolate and a month later boys return the gesture. And on top of that, it's Yuuko-san. Nothing in life is given freely. There is always an exchange." He said finally breaking free landing in a crouch beside Mokona. He pouted at the ruined cake radiating defeat. Mokona's jewel shone brightly and suddenly the witch of dimensions appeared with teary eyes peering right at Syaoran and the ruined cake.

"Sorry Syaoran-kun." Said the raven haired teenager that worked for the witch of dimensions. Syaoran's shoulders drooped and he glanced up pitifully. His hands were clenching and unclenching anxiously.

"Watanuki! They were finally sending a White day gift and you ruined it!" She cried out pointing dramatically at him. Two small children pointed at the boy and laughed as they repeated 'All his fault.' And danced around him. 

"Ah, we have another. I made three." Fai interrupted feeling sorry for the teenager as tears comically ran down his face. The teen perked up and something about his expression was disturbingly familar.

"Ah, yes. This is better. The one who accepted the gift is the one to return the gift. I graciously accept." The woman declared clapping her hands together happily. Syaoran glanced back at Fai and Sakura as they stepped further into the room. 

"Good boy Syaoran, making sure these heathens returned the gesture." She nodded approvingly and Fai felt shocked that Syaoran knew about the gestures and their significance. Sakura didn't know. Neither had the other Syaoran. So why did this child know?

"Eh? How does Syaoran-kun know when the others didn't?" The raven haired teen asked kneeling down beside his employer. Syaoran gazed up at Watanuki tensing as his hands gripped tightly at the material of his pants.

_He was terror stricken._

The witch lifted her hand shielding the teenager's gaze, her smile fading to a serious expression and then Syaoran ran to the room slamming the door shut. 

"It was much too soon to meet face to face. Had he not frozen, things would have become far worse." She stated simply lowering her hand.

"But Yuuko-san, we met before!" The teenager exclaimed looking worriedly at the spot where Syaoran once stood.

"It was but a glimpse with two words exchanged. And this time you were the one to exchange the words. Until that time comes you can not meet again." The teenager looked troubled and he looked as if he wanted to say more but held his tongue.

"Please continue to look after him." He said bowing his head to Mokona.

"Mokona will. When Mokona needs help, Mokona will call again." She said and then she swallowed the cake that Fai presented. The teenager scrambled up and caught the cake looking relieved. He shot them a troubled look and disappeared from view. 

"Yubikiri. That which is promised with the little finger is valued dearly. It is never to be taken lightly." She said cryptically. Kurogane shot her a scathing glare and made his way over to Syaoran's room knocking on the door. There was no response and when Kurogane tried to open the door they found out it was locked.

"He is a good child." She whispered solemnly gazing at the door in sorrow. The connection ended leaving them in a tense silence.

* * *

Kurogane could hear panicked breathing in the room. Though there was no movement which indicated the kid had simply dropped to the floor after locking the door behind him.

"Syaoran." He called out and the panicked breathing stopped. There was no signs of movement. His wrist warmed and then sparked shocking him when he touched the doorknob. He took a step back holding his wrist to hide the opalite though there was no hiding the shock he'd recieved. 

"Kurogane-san, are you alright?" Asked the princess as she stumbled over to him. Kurogane took a deep breath and straightened up so he was no longer curled over his arm.

"Yeah." He glanced at the door then looked away. "I'm fine." He walked away from the door and sat down on the couch. She looked troubled and gently rapped her knuckles against the door. The kid didn't open the door up for her either.

The door silently swung open and a small hand beckoned. Mokona sped off the table and into the room as the door closed with a final resounding click. Kurogane couldn't find it in him to force the kid to eat so he let it be and continued eating in silence. When he was ready, he'd talk. Until then.

"Leave him be." He said aloud when the mage climbed to his feet. His hand outstretched closed and was lowered to the table.

"Is it okay to leave him like that?" He asked glancing at Kurogane's hand that had been paralyzed by the electricity. Kurogane could feel the warmth of the opalite but couldn't tell if magic was radiating from it. The magician didn't give away his thoughts and asking would be giving too much away.

"This is nothing new. He'll spend as much time as he can outside tomorrow." Kurogane despised the terror in those amber eyes. He was terrified of the world inside and outside of this apartment but carried on because there wasn't any choice left for him. His life was stolen and he'd been locked away by a madman leaving deep scars. He was a child and to live a life this way.

He could see that the kid wanted to move past the terror. Forcing himself to leave. Staying even when he knew he would be outright ignored. 

"This is nothing new for him." He reiterated leaving the table and heading out of the apartment wanting to get away from the suffocating atmosphere.

Kurogane dropped by a few bars he and the kid had used to form contacts as they settled into the world. He eavesdropped on conversations lamenting the fact that a child was better at networking and spying than he was. He was better at sneaking and espionage. It was why they made an effective team.

What life did he lead to become like this. Good at gathering information.

"Fuma. Haven't seen you in awhile now. How's little Subaru?" Hana asked as she served him an expensive type of alcohol. Her pink flower mark was in full view as she pinned ger raven hair out of her face.

"Sick. Locked himself in his room." He said idly listening to the rowdy men in the corner discussing the upcoming round of chess. It was a family. Ruthless methods used.

"Ah, poor dear. You took him in right?" At his nod she sighed leaning her chin in her palms as she served herself a glass of water. "He needs stability. Proof that you won't abandon the poor thing. Reassuring him once isn't going to cut it, he's going to keep testing you." Kurogane idly swirled the amber liquid and thought about the the fire that sometimes seemed to go out. 

"You still go on long walks with him right? Go to Olive park tomorrow, they'll be putting on a show for kids." Kurogane silently thought about and decided it should be fine to take him. The kid never did anything kids should do. He had his life stolen from him, might as well give him some of it back while they had the opportunity.

Kurogane unlocked the door and found the kid standing beside the door with the manju bun on his head and the bear held securely to his chest. He gazed at Kurogane's hand and held out his own hand. Kurogane set his paralyzed hand in the much smaller hand. 

"Sorry. I'm sorry..." He whispered shutting his eyes as his other hand hovered over Kurogane's and gently traced the air in swirling patterns. Blue swirls hovered in the air before being pulled into the bracelet. He looked up at Kurogane remorse in his eyes. His lips quivered before he bit down on them but Kurogane could see his eyes watering.

"It's fine. Tomorrow there is some place we are going to go." He said flexing his hand as it tingled. He set his hand on the kid's head and tousled the messy locks. "Goodnight Syaoran." His eyes widened, a tear rolled down his cheek as he abruptly relaxed and smiled. It was a small pathetic imitation, but more heartfelt than before. He looked so much younger this way.

Which made what happened to him all the more tragic.

When morning came the kid sat in a daze at the table. The empty blue bottle beside him and the bowl of last night's dinner also sat in front of him. He looked exhausted, deep rings under his eyes that never seemed to fade. He prodded the pork bun when Kurogane pulled out a chair to sit down.

"Early morning?" The kid glared in his direction for a moment then became distracted and slumped forwards onto the table. "Go back to sleep." The kid muttered something into the table. The manju bun sat up and hopped onto the back of the kid's heading falling asleep. Kurogane grabbed the kid and set him on the couch before sitting down and turning on the tv. 

"Is he alright?" The princess asked leaning on the back of the couch to peer down at him. Kurogane looked at him and nodded. He was curled on his side hands curled loosely in front of his face woth the pork bun asleep under his neck.

"He's fine, just sleeping." He said watching the tv. The stupid thing was absolutely useless but it gave him something to do. Kept the kid occupied on the rare occasions he deigned to remain inside. The kid stirred as if sensing the stares before hiding his face in his hands. The princess let him be with a worried frown on her face.

She didn't see him relax once she moved away. It was probably better that way.

* * *

Syaoran followed behind Kurogane as close as possible to avoid having to run into anyone. Sakura and Fai followed alongside them, both shooting him startled glances every now and then. He didn't know what was so shocking but paid it no mind as he tried to prevent himself or Kurogane from tripping because of how close he was walking. That would be embarrassing.

"It's just up ahead." Kurogane spoke suddenly surprising Syaoran a little as the ninja had been silent until now. The first time he did this he had taken Syaoran to the doctor. The second time had been to see Yamazaki in his clinic outside of the tournament. He was wary this third time in case it was another surprise trip to the doctor.

Kurogane halted, Syaoran warily poked his head past him to see that they were at the park. Where there was a huge festival. Children were running around screaming. Laughing gleefully.

He grabbed hold of Kurogane's sleeve feeling his heart thundering in his chest. He dug his feet when Kurogane took a step forward and watched the man pause and look down at him. Mokona patted his chest with both paws.

"What..." Syaoran began before flinching as a boy around his physical age ran past him screaming gleefully about balloons. "I don't want to be here." He whimpered tugging insistently at Kurogane's sleeve to get him to leave.

"You're trying right?" Syaoran shifted uncomfortably as he nodded his head. He was trying to teach himself that touch was not bad. It did not always hurt. That crowds were safe to be in. It was hard.

And he had never been around children his own age aside from Sakura. And even then that had been two years of drowning in guilt for every moment spent with her. What was he supposed to do?

"You don't have to do anything. We're just going for a walk." Kurogane scanned the crowds and then took a single step forward without looking at him and waited. Mokona gave him an encouraging smile. 

Kurogane was kind.

Kurogane was cruel.

Syaoran made a promise to save Sakura no matter the cost. Fear would only get in the way.

He released his hold of Kurogane's sleeve and followed after him. His adrenaline spiked when he was briefly separated from Kurogane but he could still see Fai and the princess so he took a deep breath and walked near them. Though he kept his distance they engaged him in their conversation.

"I've never been to this park, you and Kurogane-san seem to know it pretty well." Fai stated searching for Kurogane and leading them in his direction.

"We... Camped out here the first day... It looks very different." Syaoran said lowly flinching away when someone bumped into him. His skin crawled and decided it would be much easier to try getting closer to the magician and the princess if it provided the slightest bit of shelter.

The princess held out her hand and he instantly grabbed hold. It was an instinct to grab her hand after all those matches. He remembers the first time he had grabbed hold of her hand and had a panic attack when she tried to get him to let go. It had only been thanks to Kurogane that he hadn't fallen apart or lost himself to a memory.

"Ah, I see Kurogane up ahead." Fai announced picking up speed slightly keeping the princess' pace in mind. Syaoran had to jog to keep up and again cursed their longer legs. Being small had so many disadvantages.

"Oi." Syaoran whirled around and felt his shoulders relax as he caught sight of Kurogane then he spotted the bright pink flower. Syaoran stood stock still and felt a shiver of dread crawl up his spine.

"Hana...Hana..." Syaoran trailed off seeing the manic glee in her cerulean eyes. _Oh no._ This was going to end badly.

She pounced.

He flinched instinctively dropping Mokona and raising his arms over his face as he braced for the suffocating grip to close around him. There was no suffocating grip. Instead someone was gently holding him. 

He slipped one eye open and saw worried Emerald eyes peering at him alongside a single blue eye. Syaoran reeled back and realized the princess had bodily hauled him out of the line of fire. He glanced back to see Kurogane holding Hana Hana back with a glare while the woman with the flower on her cheek pouted. He relaxed feeling relief course through his veins as he escaped the special brand of love she used to bestow on him.

"Are you okay... Syaoran-kun?" Syaoran tensed turning back to face the princess at the term she had used. He pulled his hands back from her shoulder, (when had he done that?) And curled his hands into his sleeve unsure of what she expected of him. Her eyes filled with remorse as she let out a small sigh and set him down.

"Sorry, I know you don't like to be touched so suddenly." She apologized and he shook his head wanting her to stop. He hadn't meant to make her think that. But how did he bring up that he'd been surprised that she called him by name without making her realize how much it hurt.

"Ah. No. That's not." She backed away a step folding her hands and he felt terrible. And then he felt even worse when he realized he'd dropped Mokona. Hastily pulling her back into his arms he whispered apologies while moving closer to Kurogane and consequently Hana Hana.

"Syaoran-kun? Ah, is that your family name Subaru?" Syaoran panicked inwardly as he shyly ducked his head, pulling his hood up and grabbed hold of Kurogane's sleeve. She was quite ruthless in trying to get information on the both of them.

"It was father's name. It's all I have left." He whispered feeling so much regret. All he had left of his father was his name and sword. And all he had left of his mother was the passive magicks he inherited. 

"Sorry Subaru." Syaoran blinked slowly releasing his hold of Kurogane's sleeve. He shook his head.

"I don't want to be here anymore." Kurogane said nothing and lead him away without a word. "Sorry." He whispered gazing down at Mokona. He could see that he had somehow hurt Mokona. What he was feeling was not pleasant, he should eat chocolate.

"Hana Hana is going to try harder to get information on you." Syaoran told Kurogane as he walked half a step behind him.

"Che. I realized, she caught me gathering information. That family is rising through the ranks." Syaoran nodded silently, he wondered if Kurogane had gone out bar hopping yesterday. Hana Hana baited him, Syaoran had effectively derailed her but now he was thinking about things he didn't want to. He felt disconnected again.

He tripped as someone reached past him towards Kurogane. He grabbed hold of the hand to keep himself from falling flat on his face and stared at the Kurogane's wallet. Kurogane was also grabbing hold of the hand while using his heel to hold Syaoran up by pressing it lightly into his stomach. Nothing was said as Syaoran straightened and moved ahead of Kurogane who simply stuffed the wallet back into his pocket.

"Phweet. That was some good teamwork Kurogane, Syaoran-kun." There it was again. Syaoran felt his body stiffen and hunched forward. He forcibly relaxed and walked in front of Kurogane making sure he was hidden away from the princess and mage. A hand rested on his head briefly, but it was enough. He shifted Mokona to his head and held up both arms taking one last step as he was lifted into the air and sat on Kurogane's shoulders without breaking stride. He crossed his arms over Kurogane's forehead and lowered his head so no one could read his lips.

"Sachi-san is ahead of us. Kirin-san is as well." Kurogane tucked his hands into his pocket and turned to face Fai and the princess.

"We need to go, pick the princess up." Fai nodded scooping Sakura into his arms and casually picked up his speed to match Kurogane's larger stride.

"This is about how you two get information isn't it?" Asked Fai as Syaoran nudged his right knee into Kurogane's cheek causing him to turn left.

"Later." Kurogane grumbled holding onto Syaoran's shoes to keep him anchored. Mokona was cradled between his chest and Kurogane's head patting his cheek.

"Hana Hana is distracting Sachi-san." Kurogane squeezed his shoes. Syaoran felt bad about manipulating the woman but they needed every edge and of playing the traumatized kid card worked then he would play it. Exposing his trauma though, left him dissociating.

"Mokona is here Syaoran. Mokona is here." Mokona whispered rubbing her forehead to his cheek. Mokona was truly kind.

* * *

Kurogane was upset. The stupid bar tender had clearly set them up and invited more than just the other informants they knew. Watching the kid dissociate was not pretty. He knows it uoset the princess and stunned the mage when he completely shut down. Syaoran, learning what he did about the kid's name. What Fei Wong Reed had done was terrible but to steal the name of the kid after he admitted that it was all the he held dear.

It was more than his life that had been stolen.

He practically became one with Kurogane's shadow as they swiftly left. They stopped a pick pocket and then the kid froze when the mage called him by name. He tensed shoulders hunching as the blood in his face fled. He forcefully straightened his shoulders looking dead ahead. Kurogane couldn't believe this. Those months of namelessness the mage and princess enforced on him had actually done more harm than he realized. The white pork bun and him calling out to the kid hadn't done anything for him at all.

He rested his hand on the Kid's head. _'Good children deserve pats on the head.'_ The kid lifted the pork bun to his head and held up his hand. Kurogane grasped both hands and used the momentum of the kid's last step to boost him up and swung him onto his shoulders. The kid dropped his arms around Kurogane's forehead tucking the pork bun between them and hunched over as if he was about to fall asleep. 

After nearly an hour of cat and mouse they reached the neighborhood they were currently residing in. Kurogane took them the ling way around constantly doubling back or going in a new direction completely.

"Mokona says the coast is clear." The kid said sitting up abruptly and swinging his legs off Kurogane's shoulders sliding down his back and landing in a crouch. He trotted alongside Kurogane heading to the bakery. Kurogane plucked the pork bun off the kid's head and glared at her.

"No stashing. Watch after him." He ordered tossing the pork bun into the kid's hood and sat down at one of the tables outside. The mage glanced between them with an unreadable look in his eye. The princess was watching him with a stern look on her face.

"Kurogane-san. Just what did you and Syaoran-kun do?" Kurogane wondered if they'd ever catch on. He said nothing glaring at them and daring them to question him. The mage frowned leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his wrists. The princess was staring at the bakery with concern etched across her features.

"Did you take advantage of him?" She asked folding her hands in her lap. But even as she said those words a look of regret swept across her and she bowed her head. "No. Kurogane-san, I'm sorry. You would never." She said and the brief flash of hurt and irritation faded.

"We did what we had to. We were careful." Kurogane could feel that they were being watched again. "In the next two months we'll reach the semi-finals so we tried to get more information." He should've gutted Sachi. The man had no qualms about forcing a child to hold highly illegal drugs. He had no qualms forcing a kid to deliver them either. 

"Kurogane-san isn't at fault." Kurogane sighed and turned his head to look at the blank stare aimed at the table. The kid was holding a small contained with balls of cake in a variety of flavors. The kid was already holding four between his fingers. His impassive gaze turned to face him as he questioningly raised his hand. It wasn't much, and this was less than what he usually comsumed. He nodded pulling out the chair and setting the container on the table so the kid could climb up.

"Sachi-san is probably changing routes right now. Jericho-san can still benefit." He said eating the ball of cake. He blinked slowly. Unperturbed by the stares, Kurogane was going to have a talk with the pork bun later. This episode seemed worse than any of the others.

"Right. You head back to the apartment while I tip off the mole." Kurogane stuck his hand out for his wallet which was passed over in silence. "Don't let them out of your sight." He warned the mage pulling up his hood up and stalking off to find the weasel of a man that acted as an informant for the law. He glanced back once to see the kid's face void of expression staring at him. _'Safe.'_ Kurogane nodded at him as he turned the corner.


	8. Why Does The Karma Of Simply Living  Bring More Pain Than It Does Joy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was cold when they landed in Infinity with nothing but the clothes on their backs.  
> Kurogane could only do so much before even he was overwhelmed. Taking care of three people one of whom was a child was harder than having to go through the rigorous training he'd undergone in Nihon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: Red Moon- Kalafina  
> I listen mostly for Yuki Kajiura. She's so amazing.

Syaoran sat in front of the couch watching Mokona ponder her next move. He rested his palms on his knees breathing slowly as he meditated lightly. Mokona huffed at him looking all the more determined. She finally made her move and laid down her hand with a battle cry. Syaoran glanced away from her cards to peer at his own feeling Fai's burning gaze. He'd usually be fidgety by now but meditation and the fact that he felt disconnected made the staring easy to handle. The chocolate didn't see to help this time. It's to bad he couldn't eat more.

"Again?!" Mokona pointed her paw at Syaoran when he laid down his winning hand. "Syaoran is very lucky." Syaoran hummed as he grabbed the cards to shuffle them. Sakura was sitting on the couch watching a documentary about sea life instead of hiding away in her room. Her staring didn't bother him as much, even before when she had felt nothing and ignored him. 

"Kurogane-san worked really hard for us before we started competing." She probed but he gave nothing away as he discarded a card. Her attempts to gather information were rather clumsy but they would have worked if he were an actual child. King Fujitaka had trained him well during the two years he spent in Clow. Syaoran wonders who ran his network now that time had begun again. Something that huge could not be left, it had to have been- King Touya. That's the only way it would make sense for it to still be running. Major events could not be changed, simply shifted.

"Syaoran?" Syaoran looked at Mokona apologetically when he drifted off again. That happened a lot in the beginning too. That's probably why Kurogane didn't let him out of sight or made Mokona keep him company.

"Ah, Kurogane is near." Syaoran set the cards down and held his hands out for the small creature. She hopped into his hands and then onto his head as he climbed to his feet. He made his way to the door and waited silently as he plucked at the plaster. Fai wouldn't let him leave, not when Kurogane told him not to let anyone out of his sight. Syaoran would just have to wait and see how it went and start planning on burning Sachi-san and Kirin-san from his network. Hana Hana was not someone who could be burned so easily, but Kurogane would want retribution. He had to figure out some other way to keep her in his network.

_Dismantling a network was a lot harder than setting one up. Burning informants created a stigma and branded them as unreliable which took away their credibility. Still, it was easier in Clow to do such things, here his appearance worked against him._

"We moved a lot faster than that bastard. He's going away for a long time." Kurogane stated having no doubt sensed Syaoran waiting. Syaoran looked at his barefeet and wiggled his toes. He hadn't worn shoes until the third week here in Infinity. Hana Hana had been the one to give him shoes. And better fitting clothes when she saw the ill fitting clothes Kurogane had bought for him. They were comfortable despite being so baggy.

"Kid?" Syaoran looked up to see Kurogane watching him with an unreadable look in his eyes. He sighed and gently pushed him in the direction of his room.

"Never mind. Get some sleep and tomorrow we'll figure out what to do." Syaoran nodded absently walking to the room already. He should stay, he knows Fai was going to interrogate the ninja. He couldn't seem to focus on any of his thoughts. It was like a fog, that came and went when it pleased. The slight weight on his head vanished just as he closed the door but he let it be and crawled into his bed pulling the stuffed bear close.

He had been getting better. He didn't get lost in his thoughts as much, though he attributed that to actually moving. Back then he only had his thoughts. And Syaoran's view of the world when Fei Wong Reed deigned to speak to him. As long as he left Sakura alone he paid the man no mind.

Syaoran buried his face in the bear's stomach. How strange that the fur felt so moist.

"I'm sorry Sakura." He whispered.

* * *

Kurogane made his way up the stairs and slipped onto the floor where they had moved to last week and pondered moving again. It would be a good safety measure, even better is if they stayed in the same apartment complex instead of completely uprooting. It would throw anyone off. He could sense the wavering flame that made up the Kid's aura and opened the door. He shut it behind him seeing the kid stare blankly at the floor. The pork bun gave him a worried look and gently tugged the kid's hair trying to get his attention. The mage was already heading their way and the princess sat forward on the couch looking concerned.

Kurogane raised his hand to the Kid's face but he gave no sign that he was even aware. He grit his teeth and lowered his hand before adopting a bored look.

"We moved a lot faster than that bastard. He's going away for a long time." Kurogane stated feeling vindicated that the slimy piece of garbage received his come uppance. Empty amber eyes stared up in his direction, this was what Kurogane hated the most. He poked the Kid's forehead and sighed when there was absolutely no response.

"Syaoran. Kid. Focus." He blinked slowly but gave no response. The pork bun shook her head.

"This is worse. Syaoran can't stay focused, even when Syaoran was meditating." Kurogane glanced away from the kid when the mage stopped behind the kid and made to reach out to grab him.

_The kid was wiggling his toes._

"Don't! He doesn't like to be touched!" He shouted grabbing the mage's outstretched hand. He looked down in shame.

"By me?" Kurogane shoved him backwards, if he felt so ashamed he shouldn't have treated the kid the way he had.

"By anyone. Especially if he doesn't see it coming. Kid?" He called again. The kid blinked a few times as if he was just waking from a dream. He met Kurogane's gaze with a hint of confusion and didn't seem to realize that someone was standing behind him. Kurogane sighed and lifted his hand waiting for him to acknowledge the movement and turned him to face the room before giving him a push.

"Never mind. Get some sleep and tomorrow we'll figure out what to do." He nodded heading for the room before Kurogane even finished his sentence. Kurogane gestured for the pork bun to stay and she did after bidding the kid goodnight. He didn't seem to notice as he shut the door.

"How was he?" Kurogane asked crossing his arms over his chest lifting his leg when the pork bun jumped onto it. He bent down slightly as she jumped again landing in the crook of his arms and jumped one last time to land on his shoulder when Kurogane straightened to look at her.

"He wouldn't let Fai or Sakura near him and Fai didn't allow him to go to his room. Mokona suggested cards." She gazed at the door with tears welling in her eyes. "He kept drifting off. Mokona tried really hard but could not keep Syaoran engaged. Syaoran feels fuzzy again. Sometimes Mokona can feel how much pain he's in and then he becomes fuzzy again." Kurogane flicked the pork bun's cheek getting her attention.

"He stilled responded to you." He pointed out and she smiled gratefully at him. The kid hadn't responded to any of them aside from that one day in Tokyo. He was on a backslide from his recovery, it was to be expected though. He'd been doing pretty well the past month and a half. This was the best outcome for him. And with the princess and mage finally coming around and treating him as a person he would have more support and would not backslide so much.

For _now_ it was enough. ~~_No, it never was._~~

Him and the pork bun. Although he feels as if it was not much. It never felt like enough when he stared with those empty eyes.

"Kurogane." Kurogane looked away from the pork bun to see the mage glaring at him. The princess had also made her way to stand beside the mage and was staring up at him.

"Please tell us what happened the first two months." She demanded sternly. He thought about telling them in the beginning, after leaving the kid with them for a few days only to find out he hadn't eaten in the three days Kurogane had spent away. Then decided against it and brought the child with him against his better judgement. In the end it was actually the right decision as the kid set up a network for information gathering. He seemed to settle down more and more with busy hands.

"Go to bed." He said instead heading towards the room he shared with the mage and locked him out. The stupid pork bun was quietly shedding tears.

"Syaoran always needed help. Syaoran was alone. And Syaoran was more alone here than when he was locked away." Kurogane sighed as he sat on the edge of his bed and leaned his cheek on top of the pork bun. "Loneliness is a cage too." She whispered sadly rubbing her paws across her eyes.

"That stupid quack said it was alright to relapse. He's resilient and stubborn." And broken beyond repair despite struggling to pick up the pieces as everything pushes him further.

"Goodnight Kurogane." Kurogane covered the pork bun with his blanket as she nestled herself on his pillow. He settled for meditation instead, he felt uneasy going to sleep and leaving them exposed for some type of attack. 

* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

_Kurogane rolled to his feet as soon as he landed. The mage held the princess and the kid rolled in a controlled tumbke but did not get back up and instead acted as a cushion for the falling pork bun. Once she landed he sat up but did not rise to his feet. Kurogane made his way over to the kid not liking the pallor of his skin and could see the worry on the white pork bun' s face._

_When he reached the kid's side he collapsed startling him and the pork bun. Kurogane reached out and felt the kid's face frowning heavily when he realized how cold he felt. He shifted off his cloak to cover the kid and moved him closer to the mage and princess who had been unable to stay awake any longer. The mage was guarding her from Kurogane, the kid and this new world they were in. He was in no state to explore the world, none of them were. But they needed shelter so he left the kid with the mage and took the pork bun with him to look around._

_From what he could see, the further down he walked the more the atmosphere changed from sophisticated to unruly and chaotic. Which was perfect for finding an easy place to stay with no money. The more rundown the less value was held._

_It took several hours of wandering and struggling to decipher a language similar to his own before he made the decision to make some quick money at a bar to rent the apartment that seemed the most secure innthis rundown part of the city._

_"You're a pretty good brawler, what do you think about working for me?" Kurogane glared down at the slimy man that ran this bar. The pork bun quivered from within the folds of his pocket and made his decision._

_"No. Get out of my way." He snarled shoving past the man to get outside. He had to get the others after he negotiated for the apartment he found._

_Not a word was said as they stepped into the apartment and looked around. There was a single bedroom with no window, one bathroom, the kitchen didn't even function as a kitchen and the dayroom was half the length of the kitchen. The kid blearily peered around and swayed in place looking as if he might collapse again. He was barely standing as is, unsteady legs trembling, and wouldn't let anyone help him walk the entire way over. Not that the princess could as she had yet to wake. Nor the mage who never once glanced on the kid's direction. Kurogane wasn't allowed to help either, stubborn kid would keep his distance and flinch away if he tried to reach out to grab him._

_"Sakura-chan gets the room." The mage declared with a note of finality in his voice. Kurogane let it be and set his cloak down on the floor gesturing for the kid to lay down. The kid simply collapsed into the corner and stared at his bare feet. He looked away from the kid._

~~_It was like looking at a sad broken doll discarded once a new toy had been found._ ~~

_Kurogane looked at the ill fitting clothes and realized he'd need to buy them clothes to fit in. He knew the sizes of the mage and princess but could only estimate for the kid. And shoes, he'd wait to find him shoes. He leaned his back against the door and shut his eyes to rest feeling the pork bun wiggle out of his pocket._

_"Mokona will sleep with Syaoran." She whispered seeing that the mage had locked the door to the princess' room with himself inside. She hopped over to the kid landing beside his outstretched legs and reached out a paw. His leg twitched but he gave no signs of awareness as she moved closer. The cloak he wore was lying on the floor beside him having been discarded before the kid collided with the wall. The pork bun awkwardly shuffled around and used the cloak to cover the kid's legs before settling down beside his left hip._

_Kurogane watched over them for the rest of the night. Sounds of screaming, violence and those strange metal contraptions screeching to a halt. The kid had fallen asleep not to long ago and would stir briefly now and then before falling back to sleep. He didn't seem used to being awake and at the same time was exhausted. Kurogane thought that was more of the blood loss than actual exhaustion. The pork bun seemed to have nightmares and would wake every so often in tears. She'd cuddle closer to the kid and he'd twitch or tense before falling still again._

_"Syaoran feels fuzzy." She complained softly a few times before falling back to sleep. It was the hardest few hours he spent on watch._

_Kurogane rose to his feet stretching lightly as the sun rose and peeked through the only window. He checked on the kid to see him still asleep and the pork bun was awake glancing at him with concern._

_"We have to go buy food." She nodded and jumped into his hand so he could stuff her into his pocket. He stopped by the princess' room and knocked._

_"I'm going out to buy food. Look after the kid and princess." He ordered and leaving the door locked behind him as he was the only one with keys. He glanced around aware of their 'neighbors' keeping watch. He slammed a fist into the wall denting the plaster and several doors slammed shut as he glared in both directions. He didn't trust any of these shady people to stay put so he resolved to buy as much as he could before finding another way to make money._ _Bringing the pork bun to translate was also so she could sense the feather in this world but so far there was no luck. He wonders if there even was a feather in this world. It wouldn't be the first time they landed in a world without feathers but this time they needed time to recuperate. When it was safer he'd be able to search out a doctor for the kid and princess. Until then they'd have to bear the weight of their wounds._

_"Ah, if it isn't Mr. Tall dark and mysterious." A woman crooned at him as she batted her eyelashes at him. She flipped her hair out of her face exposing a pink flower mark on her cheek. Kurogane paid her no mind as he continued walking. The woman chuckled._

_"That kid needs medical attention. Slaves should be looked over by a doctor once they've been sold to make sure you didn't get jipped." She froze when Kurogane glared at her. He stormed past her sensing her watching him until he was out of sight. He hurried back to the apartment feeling his skin crawl at the unspoken thought the woman said. Children slaves were valuable, if anyone else thought that way the kid was going to be in danger. He stopped at the end of the hall when he saw the door was slightly open and ran to the door shoving it open. The kid hit the ground after being shoved back by the door and Kurogane relaxed. Fury abruptly filled him at the thoughtless actions taken by the child. He dropped the bags bringing the kid to his feet only to freeze when the kid grabbed hold of his hand and pinched the skin between his index finger and thumb. His hand was effectively immobilized freeing the kid._

_He could see the a bruise beginning to form on the kid's temple, that had not come from the door and that his nose was bleeding. He stepped back blinking in Kurogane's direction before moving past him to push the door closed. He stretched up on the tips of his toes but was only able to reach one lock. The other had been unlocked because Kurogane could not lock those from outside. Meaning someone had easily broken in while he had gone out._

_"Are you hurt anywhere else?" Kurogane asked gruffly reaching out to grab the kid's arm. He barely made contact before the kid whirled around slamming his back against the door and curled his arms over his head and glared at him with such hatred he was taken aback. The pork bun exploded out of his pocket and launched herself at the kid._

_"Syaoran is safe. Mokona promises Syaoran is safe." The kid slowly calmed down and lowered his hands. The fire in his eyes died and he made his way back to the corner. He sat down curling his knees to his chest this time and silently stared at the wall. Kurogane angrily stormed up to the single bedroom but before he couod knock the mage opened the door with a harsh glare. Kurogane punched him in the face._

_"I told you to watch both of them." The mage froze then peered behind him. He abruptly looked away pretending he hadn't seen a thing._

_Good._

_Next time he wouldn't do something so stupid._

_He turned away and brought the bags to the kitchen trying to figure out what to do with everything. A small hand appeared beside him grabbing the bread. He looked behind him to see empty amber eyes looking through the rest of the groceries. Some meat, vegetables and a fruit were pulled out of the bags. The kid searched through the drawers but there was no cutlery so he simply clapped his hands together and summoned his sword. He used the long sword to cut the vegetables and fruit before layering them on a slice of bread alongside the meat and setting another slice of bread over the top. He made several then wiped his sword clean and laid his palm over the end and slid his hand over it. Pale blue fire sparked into existence and the sword slowly vanished back into the boy's hand._

_Even in this state the kid could fight or make a meal. It was surprising. It probably shouldn't be though, he could tell this kid was as stubborn as the other one. Kurogane pulled out the disposable plates and set a few of the bread meals onto them and took them over to the room. The mage opened the door again before he could knock and looked shocked at the food but said nothing as he took them._

_Kurogane didn't know if he should go out again, but they had to find out if there was a feather in the world. And he had to make money. Find a healer to see to the kid and princess._

_"You need to eat." He orders softly seeing the kid had yet to even eat. He had put away the perishables in the cold box. The others were set on the counter for him to put away in the cabinets. He paused and sat down on the floor in front of Kurogane and picked up the bread._

_"Mokona will save this for Syaoran!" The pork bun said when the kid only managed to eat half. That was about what Kurogane anticipated so it was fine. It would take some time to recover, he knows that. Children were resilient. But he'd been much older when his world had been torn asunder and still felt it today. This waif like child had been imprisoned and used to create a clone. He'd torn his soul in half, how had he been so coherent when he arrived? What were the consequences of doing something like that?_

_The kid was sleeping against the wall again. As if he did not feel safe. Either it was because of the imprisonment he'd suffered or he didn't trust them to look after him. Maybe it was both. He'd apologized to them all and made himself as unobtrusive as possible in Tokyo._

_"Oi, manju. If I leave you behind... Look after him." The manju looked at him from where she was nestled between the kid's neck and shoulder. Her eyes watered and then her jewel lit up. The witch appeared in a melancholic mood with the boy behind her still sleeping._

_"It will take awhile yet for them to recover. You had a question." Kurogane sighed looking at the kid and decided he'd have to look after him._

_"The cost for this will be simple. Quid Pro Quo, you ask i answer and vice versa." Kurogane glared at her suspiciously. "Fuma will be going to Nihon in the near future, gathering information to keep his travels safe is part of the price." Kurogane watched the kid open his eyes and staring blanky at his feet in silent wonder as he wiggled his toes._

_"What are the consequences of tearing out half your soul?" He asked without preamble. The witch smoothed down the teenager's raven hair with sorrow._

_"It's a taboo. Often used to extend life, yet this child attempted to create a life." She spoke softly folding her hands on her lap. "He did not feel the pain as Fei Wong Reed sealed him away with very powerful magic that Syaoran had been able to fight before. Tearing out half his soul halved his power and as such it made him easily overwhelmed." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath looking at him with her impassive gaze once her eyes opened._

_"He'll feel disconnected from his body and emotions. At times he will not feel pain, will lose consciousness, sleep longer than eight hours or will not sleep at all. There are many consequences but those are the most likely symptoms, Mokona will warn you of anymore should they crop up." Kurogane nodded looking back at the kid to see that he had shut his eyes._

_"Tell me about Nihon's terrain and what can be expected of demons there." Kurogane shut his eyes as he thought about the castle that he had called home. He thought about the terror wrought by the demons and the attempts to quell them._

_"In Nihon there are vast forests and roaming hills of grass half my height. The areas populated by humans are separated by more than 60 kilometers. The space between the provinces is most dangerous as demons roam in those lands. The roads are rough and long, most travel is done by horse or carriage." He explained opening his eyes to see the bleak apartment with cracked walls and smooth wood. The grassy hills, the majestic castle, the forests wild and untamed. He would get back home one day._

_For now._

_For now he had this kid to look after._

_Tomoyo would understand._


	9. The Silence You Feel It Cold As A Winter Storm This World Has Taken Ahold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane had only been in this world for a week. He was sick of it. Sick of seeing the princess immobile from pain.  
> Sick of the stupid mage brooding and catering to the princess while ignoring everything else.  
> Sick of the pork bun being unable to find the feather.  
> And he was sick of seeing this hurting and broken child fall apart when he reached out to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: lost within- Fivefold  
> Happy New Year!!!

* * *

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

* * *

_Kurogane made sure the kid had eaten and drank water before leading him to the restroom to take a bath. It was going to be a nightmare. Kid hated being submerged in water. Hated anything touching his eye. Hated being touched. _

_"Alright kid. Time for a bath." The kid looked up in his direction then at the restroom door and wrapped his arms around his waist. He stepped into the closet space and started the water in the sink. Kurogane was glad the pork bun didn't object taking a bath or that the kid was the one to do it. It gave him the courage to take a bath, which made it easier on him._

_"This one Syaoran, Mokona wants to smell like apples." The pork bun said pointing to the green smelling liquid. The kid squirted a small amount in his palm and gently began to wash the furry creature. He seemed to forget what he was doing sometimes which was the reason Kurogane remained in the cramped space with the kid. He made the mistake once of walking off to prod the mage into making something to eat and the kid almost drowned. Panicked and took out his sword destroying the door. The pork bun had been able to calm him down but ever since then they used Kurogane's cloak as a door._

_"Alright kid, your turn." The kid glanced back at him and wrapped the manju in a towel. He passed her over to him and waited patiently. Kurogane sat down on the floor crossing his legs and shut his eyes as he rubbed the fur ball dry. The kid knew this was as close to private as Kurogane would allow and hurried to take a bath._

_Kurogane knocked on the bedroom door and waited for the mage to unlock the door._

_"Go take a bath, make sure the princess takes one too." He said then turned to go back to the kitchen where the kid was making them some type of soup. Really, the kid could zone out at anytime which made it hard to keep track of him. He was highly independent and seemed to resent any insinuation that he was incapable of doing something. It was a strange thing but he can understand it just well. He wanted to prove that this had not broken him and that he was still capable. Kurogane admired that._

_Still._

_Still. He did need someone looking after him. Like now. Kurogane plucked the knife out of the kid's limp grip before he could cut off a finger and took over cutting the vegetables to dump them in the pot. Cooking was one thing he had not learned. Sure he knew how to hunt and skin his kills but the actual preparation was left to the cook that traveled with the party. He'd learned more about cooking in this week than he had his whole life._

_The pork bun remained in the kid's hair patting his head and humming softly. Sometimes it made him focus and other times it was tuned out and the kid only responded when he responded. He mostly slept._

_In the past week he'd been awake a total of eighteen hours. It was easier when he was asleep. Despite flinching away he remained asleep allowing Kurogane to feed or bathe him when necessary. Though he rarely did so, the kid seemed to despise being submerged. It made him wonder._

_"Mage, I'm going out. Watch the kid." He ordered. The mage glared at him irritably. "I mean it. Lock the door behind me." He nodded and Kurogane waited outside the door to hear it lock before leaving to go make more money, buy more clothes, try to find a damn healer for the kid and princess. He could hear her whimper in pain as the mage talked to her through the curtain whenever she took a bath. He could hear her cry in the dead of night._

_"Well, well, well, If it isn't Mr. Black. Back again I see." Kurogane really hated this man. This was the easiest place to make money and listen in on conversations. Though what the hell had people so excited about chess? It sounded similar to Shogi but not._

_"Just give me the money, I don't want to be here anymore than I have to be." The man's eyebrows pinched together as sweat collected under the second flab of skin under his chin. He dabbed at his face with a sweat stained handkerchief._

_"What if I were to tell you that there was another way to make more money?" Kurogane growled under his breath but held his place even as the manju trembled in his hip pocket._

* * *

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* * *

Kurogane opened his eyes and looked behind him as the pork bun awoke in tears.

"Syaoran!" Kurogane grabbed the pork bun and unlocked the door checking to see that the mage was asleep and slipped over to the kid's room. He opened the door thankful that the kid was so absentminded that he forgot to lock the door. He slipped into the room and found the kid in the midst of a nightmare. It had taken a lot of observation but he could tell when the kid was having nightmares. He didn't cry. He didn't whimper or moan. He twitched a little here and there. He curled his hands into tight fists and clenched tightly to anything within reach. Mostly his shirt or pants. 

"Syaoran, Mokona is here. Kurogane is here." The manju cuddled close flinching when the kid twitched. But the difference between back then and now was that the kid relaxed and reached out to grab hold of the manju. He reached out to the manju every single time, and was starting to reach out to Kurogane. 

"May Tsukiyomi watch and protect your dreams Syaoran." Kurogane prayed as he sat at the end of the bed and leaned his back against the wall to resume meditating.

Kurogane opened his eyes sensing a presence watching them. He glared around the room but the presence had vanished. 

"When I find you." Kurogane vowed silently to tear them a new one even if he couldn't kill them. No one was going to hurt any of his companions if he could help it. 

"Goodnight Mokona, Kurogane-san." Kurogane looked at the kid. To see that he had a hand holding the pork bun to his forehead. He was still distant but he was responding.

"Night." He said throwing the blanket over the kid's head. He crossed his arms over his chest and shut his eyes. They'd move tomorrow.

* * *

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* * *

_Kurogane made sure that he and the kid cooked enough meals to last the next few days. And pounded it into the kid's head that he had to eat at least twice a day and bathe once before Kurogane returned. Then he made sure both the mage and princess knew he was leaving with the manju for three days maybe longer._

_He made sure the mage locked the door and walked off despite the pit sitting at the bottom of his stomach. The mage had learned his lesson. The kid would be okay._

_"Kurogane, Mokona is worried about Syaoran and Sakura." The manju whined softly as they took the long way around to that place._

_"The mage is looking after them. Even if the kid is afraid of touch he can still function. And the princess can still move around albeit slowly." He spoke just as quietly wanting to keep quiet that he was even leaving the building._

_He just had to get through these next three days and they'd have enough money for the next two weeks. They'd be able to move to a more secure place and he'd be able to afford the visit to the healer._

_Just three days._

_Kurogane kept his arm to his chest knowing he had broken at least two ribs. Most of his wounds were superficial aside from the ribs, and two gashes on either side of his hips. He paused to lean against the wall of the new apartment and sighed as the manju escaped his pocket._

_"Kurogane should stop fighting until he heals." She sounded worried as she rubbed her paw against the bruise forming on the lower half of his left lip._

_"I will. We just have to buy everything necessary and grab the others. Let's go." She slowly slid into the pocket on his right thigh and he took one last look at the two bedroom apartment before shitting the door. They were closer to food vendors so that could wait for the return trip. The clothes he'd buy on the way to the old apartment and have the manju hold onto. The healer would see the kid and princess in three days which was more than enough time to have them settle in._

_Kurogane unlocked the first two locks and stilled angrily when the door opened. He pushed open the door and found that the third lock had been violently torn out. He glanced around the room to see that there was nothing missing but the kid was not in sight and felt his heart leap into his throat as hurried to the bathroom to shove aside the curtain. The kid was asleep in the tub wrapped in his cloak looking none the worse for wear._

_"Ah, Kurogane you're back." The mage stated glancing in his direction before double taking and scrutinizing him. In the end he said nothing and shut the door. Kurogane headed to the kitchen and opened the cold box gripping the handle tightly in one hand while he angrily grit his teeth. He'd anticipated the correct amount of food to leave behind. The kid's portion was all that was left behind. Three and a half days worth._

_He thought the mage had learned his lesson._

_He cared to a point._

_This kid was bearing the brunt of all their pain and frustration. And no one saw his side._

_Kurogane set the manju on top of the kid's head and waited for him to wake up as he ate. He wasn't going to bother the mage about the kid anymore. He said he would look after the kid then pushed it on the mage, the consequences were on his shoulders. He should've known better._

_"Kurogane, Syaoran is awake." Kurogane set his plate down and grabbed the other one he'd brought with him and held it out to the kid._

_"You with us kid?" He asked wanting to know if he was just going to be awake but not aware. He nodded. "Good, eat. We're moving." He said waiting for the kid to grab hold of the plate keeping his hand outstretched when the trembling hands reached out. He held the plate in a firm grip and glared at Kurogane swiftly bringing the plate into the tub without dropping it. Kurogane smirked at the defiant glare. Kid still had fire, the wavering flame that made up his aura held steady._

_They ate in silence with the manju eating her share beside the kid in the tub. He stacked their empty plates glad that the kid finally ate a full meal. Then he was upset that he ate a full meal._

_"I'm not going to leave you alone with the mage and princess again. Next time I go out for a job you're going to come with me." He declared meeting those empty amber eyes. The kid blinked slowly at him before his gaze drifted away._

_"Sorry." He rasped licking his lips, Kurogane passed him water and gazed at the manju. She was peering at the both of them with sorrow but ultimately stayed quiet. There wasn't anything to say._

_"The princess gets one room and the kid gets the other." Kurogane told the mage as they entered the apartment. He didn't want the stupid mage to have his own room to lock himself in. The mage simply glared at him silently and took the sleeping princess into the second room after inspecting the first. Kurogane glanced down at the kid panting in exhaustion as he stepped further into the room so Kurogane could shut and lock the door behind them._

_"That one is your room, go ahead and get some sleep." The kid couldn't even glance in his direction, he stumbled to the room with the pork bun hopping ahead of him._

_Kurogane put away the food and set aside the bags of clothes grabbing a pair for himself along with the medical supplies and went to take a bath._

_Kurogane opened the door to the kid's room and froze as he caught sight of the witch and the kid sitting on the floor while the manju slept on the bed. The kid didn't even turn to face him, he was staring at the black haired teenager sleeping. He looked better with simple bandaids here and there. The thick bandages were gone leaving only thin bandages._

_"Very well, I will let you rest as Watanuki will be well enough to return to his daily activities the day after the next." She vanished from sight leaving the kid alone with the sleeping pork bun. Kurogane sighed seeing the kid flinch and decided it didn't hurt anyone to see the teenager. Whatever connection they had, it was keeping the kid tethered. He wouldn't interfere or question it._

_"Get some sleep kid. We're going to rest for the next few days." The kid gestured to the bed and Kurogane realized it was going to be a long road to recovery._

_"You take the bed. I'm going to keep watch." The kid stared intensely at him pointedly moving away from the bed to sit in the corner._

_This was pretty much how they spent the next three days. In a stale mate, trying to get the other to use the bed while only the pork bun slept on it._

_"It's just past here, don't go ahead stupid mage." Kurogane said feeling irritated that the idiot kept trying to leave them behind. The kid limped after them, dazed and confused he wandered off or came to a sudden stop. It took almost an hour of walking when the clinic was twenty minutes away but Kurogane had chosen to leave early for this purpose. Kurogane tried twice to help out despite knowing how the kid would react. The first time he panicked. And the second time had shot him a scathing glare that actually made Kurogane pause._

_"It's just up ahead." Kurogane sighed keeping his arms crossed as he waited a few feet ahead of the kid. The manju was sitting on the kid's head petting his hair every few steps. Kurogane felt his ribs throbbing as he crouched down to be at the kid's level._

_"There are a lot of stairs, and not much time left. I'm going to carry you to the top." The kid stiffened then poked his finger right where Kurogane's broken ribs were located. Kurogane curled over slightly at the sharp spike of pain and glared at the kid holding out his arm. Stubbornly holding his ground the kid clenched his hands over the edge of his shirt and shook his head._

_"It's fine, I'll heal." The kid edged closer slowly. Bit by bit._

_Kurogane gave him several minutes to get close and at least a few more before he actually put his arm around the kid. He easily lifted him off the ground and made it up the stairs to the clinic as quickly as he could. The kid was stiff in his arms the entire time holding his breath and skittered as far away as he could the second his feet neared the floor. He glanced around and seemed to realize where he was because he was instantly within reaching distance again frowning slightly._

_"Mr. Kurogane, Are these the two children you scheduled apointments for?" A thin short haired woman asked holding two clipboards. Kurogane nodded accepting the clipboards, heading to the seats where the mage had already set the princess down. The kid sat down beside him peering at the paperwork seeming more aware than he'd seen in a week._

_"Can you read this?" He asked the kid, he nodded extending his hand out for one of the clipboards. Kurogane handed it over curious as to what the kid would do._

_He filled out all three pages leaving three lines and four smaller ones blank before handing the clipboard over to Kurogane and mimed loops through the air. Kurogane signed each of the lines while the kid filled out the forms for the princess. Which only he would have been able to fill out since ~~he was~~ had watched the princess grow up. Kurogane went over the information able to read some of the information and was impressed. For date of birth he simply left it as April 1 with no year given that they didn't know the year it was fine. And the fact that there was such a thing as slavery here, it could work to Kurogane's advantage. _

_"Mr. Kurogane. If you and the children would follow me." Kurogane glanced at the kid who held out his hand before tentatively grabbing hold of Kurogane's outstretched hand. He gave a full body shudder clenching and unclenching his hand around Kurogane's fingers. Kurogane shifted his hand away and held out his sleeve instead. The kid followed after him silently._

_The princess walked around on her brace leaning against the crutches with a pained look on her face. The mage carried the parcel with medication and watched her with a concerned look on his face. Kurogane was glad that was taken care of, next was the kid who stood beside him trembling with a sickly pale look on his face. Kurogane grabbed the manju and held her out to the kid who slowly reached out and grabbed her. His hands gripped onto her softly as he pressed his cheek to her forehead with a shaky exhale._

_"Ok, we're ready for Syaoran." Kurogane let the kid lead the way to the small room._

* * *

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* * *

Kurogane sat up and stretched lightly before checking on the kid to see him sitting up with the pork bun in his hands.

"Morning." The kid nodded at him and slipped out of bed to head to the drawers where they kept their clothes. His being the last two while Kurogane's clothes were in the top two. He pulled out his clothes and turned to face Kurogane with a pensive look.

"Hana Hana... We need her." His gaze slowly drifted as he lost himself in his thoughts. Kurogane doesn't know if he wants the kid to get back his train of thought but this information network was important to him.

"Syaoran, focus." He seemed to have trouble focusing for longer than a few seconds at a time, looking frustrated each time he locked eyes with Kurogane. "Take your time. Here." Kurogane said plucking the manju off the kid's shoulder and setting her down in the kid's hand. He looked faintly puzzled as he stared but was able to focus.

"She... Is from a higher class..." He struggled to finish his words as if tongue tied. "There... Are more connections. If we burn her... We hurt ourselves. And we need more information." He drifted off completely for a minute.

"Cutting her off from the network would have her begging to be let back in. If we burn her she'll retaliate and we'll lose out on a source of information." Kurogane nodded, that would work as punishment. Keeping her away from Syaoran would also be a punishment.

"Alright. We'll play things your way, now go get changed and brush your teeth." The kid nodded managing to stay focused as he left the room. 

The mage watched him with impassive eyes while the princess carried on as normal. Aside from peppering Syaoran with questions. The kid seemed to retreat further with the attention focused on him.

"Syaoran-kun worked very hard in the beginning too. What did you do?" It got to the point the the kid simply stopped eating and shut down completely. 

"Stop talking. Finish eating." Kurogane growled. The princess seemed to realize she pushed to hard and fell silent while the mage glared at him. Kurogane watched the kid stare at the table as if it didn't exist and glanced at the pork bun. She seemed disheartened as she half heartedly prodded the kid into eating even bribing him with chocolate. Desperate, she even gave the kid the stupid shake. Which he drank gagging slightly but otherwise did not react.

"Let him be. He'll come around." Kurogane didn't have much hope of that in the beginning. Sometimes he still felt that way but little by little he realized the kid was overwhelmed and simply retreated to gather his thoughts. Well, now he did that. It was shock and blood loss in the beginning. And apparently self inflicted injuries that won't heal.

"Kurogane-san please tell us what happened now." Kurogane thought about denying the princess this one thing but realized it would do nothing. All these secrets, these unhealing wounds. It needed to stop and they had to move forward, he was tired of watching their wounds fester while the kid floundered. The pork bun was torn between them and he could tell that some of her nightmares weren't just about what happened in Tokyo.

"Fine. You asked for this, there is no going back after this. You had better shape up, the both of you. Syaoran gave up already so it falls to you two." They looked stunned but he gave them no time and settled the kid onto the couch to sleep with the pork bun.

* * *

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* * *

_Kurogane looked at the kid and then glanced at the amount of medication he had to give him. And he had to look for a pediatrician, a child healer. The story of the princess losing her memories and being brought to him by the mute kid that suffered from an obvious amount of trauma was not as unusual as he thought. Children were abducted and made slaves. Children escaped. Despite there being child slavery rings, a law was passed that if a slave escaped they had earned their freedom._

_"Let's get back. It isn't safe to be out when it gets dark." The kid held out his hand while the other held onto the pork bun. Kurogane reached out then paused and offered his sleeve which the kid grabbed. This was the closest he's seen the kid reach out to anyone aside from the princess back in Tokyo. Kurogane casually shifted to hide the kid behind him as he followed the mage trying to find out who was watching them. Something tapped his left ankle and he peered around subtly as he checked on the kid to see the kid and pork bun pointing to the left. He shifted his line of sight to see that raven haired woman watching._

_"Never leave my sight, if you get distracted I'm carrying you." He gave a slightly nod that was actually more a dip than anything but he understood. Which was more than he'd anticipated._

_Kurogane split off from the mage as the woman continued to follow them and simply picked the kid up whem he sleepily stumbled. His hands pushed at Kurogane's chest but the manju did something and the kid fell asleep. After nearly forty minutes of cat and mouse, Kurogane made it back to the apartment and opened the door to see the mage had already prepared food. He and the princess were no where in sight._

_"Kurogane. That woman, she always pops up around Kurogane." Kurogane nodded noticed that as well. And she had an unnatural fixation on the kid. It wasn't right._

_"Kurogane can put Syaoran down. Mokona can't keep him asleep for long, it scares him." Kurogane nodded again setting the kid on the floor stepping back just as the manju hopped off. The kid shot to his feet pulling out his sword and swiping at Kurogane. Kurogane dodged the flurry of strikes without complaint. He didn't once raise his hands or ask the manju for his sword wanting the kid to realize he wasn't in any danger. His gambit seemed to pay off as slowly the kid stopped attacking and watched him with cool eyes._

_"Get some sleep." The kid made his sword disappear and crossed his arms over his chest whispering something before he headed to the room. Kurogane eyed the manju who shook her head and followed after him. Kurogane set the medication on the counter and made sure the apartment was secure before he pulled out a chair from the table and sat down._

_"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Kurogane asked himself softly staring at the table as if it would give him answers. He wasn't the softest person. He wasn't compassionate or kind. He wasn't patient._

_He was the worst sort of person around to look after a traumatized child._

_He buried his face in one hand while the other came to rest around his ribs._

_'What a mess you left behind Kid.' Kurogane thought to himself as he listened to the mage talk the princess through a bout of pain._

_Kurogane rubbed his hair dry as he waited for the kid to finish bathing the manju and take his own bath._

_"This one! Syaoran should use this one!" Kurogane glanced at the kid and manju in the tub going through the the three soaps. Apple, strawberry and peach. Both were looking at the peach._

_The mage had collapsed in the kitchen while Kurogane had gone out the check the perimeter of their apartment. The kid had run out and grabbed Kurogane's hand without flinching away and tugged him in the direction of their apartment. He found the mage unconscious near the table with a mess in the sink as if it had been hurriedly tossed aside. The kid had released his hold and went to the sink climbing onto a chair to clean the mess up._

_Kurogane looked at the mage's pinched expression and pale skin and realized he had needed blood._

_"Kid." The kid paused and tossed a wet knife over his shoulder without once glancing his way as he resumed his self appointed task. Kurogane let him be and pulled the mage into his arms to sit him up._

**_*I don't know if this is a trigger but can be seen as self mutilation. Kurogane does cut himself to give Fai blood. You can skip this scene.*_ **

_He slit his wrist and pushed his wrist to the mage's lips. Blood dripped into the mage's open mouth and his eye snapped open bleeding into a bright gold as he latched onto Kurogane's wrist with fervor._

**_*scene end*_ **

_He began to feel lightheaded after two minutes and tried to pull his arm back. The mage grabbed hold of his wrist and shot him a poisonous look. Both of them looked away from one another when a sharp crack drew their attention. Kurogane pulled his arm free and used his sleeve to staunch the blood flow as he climbed to his feet to check on the kid. He was staring blankly at a broken plate in the sink as water ran over it. Water sprayed him when it landed on curved pieces but he gave no reaction._

_"At least you didn't grab anything." Kurogane said thankful for small mercies as he wrapped an arm around the kid's waist and hauled him off the chair and over his shoulder. The mage picked himself up off the floor and looked away from him. Kurogane grit his teeth and also looked away._

_He wasn't a damn babysitter._

_The trembling hand clutching onto the back his shirt was the only thing that kept him from saying anything to the stupid mage and his stupid temper tantrum._

_With the kid bundled up in a sweater and the manju hiding in the kid's sweater Kurogane locked the door. He and the kid were going to find work elsewhere, he didn't think he should bring the kid to that place. Other bars maybe, but not that one for sure. He didn't trust the slimy bastard not to try and make the kid an actual slave. Or use him as leverage against him._

_"Yoohoo~" Kurogane pulled the kid closer and looked behind him at the raven haired woman with the pink flower on her cheek. "Hey there sweetie." She came to a stop beside the kid and crouched down to peer up at his face. The kid tilted his head towards Kurogane and shuffled closer so he was hidden in the folds of Kurogane's longer sweater. The woman puffed out her cheeks with a soft grumbling noise._

_"You work for Sachi right? Come work for me, you can't bring this wee little one over to grumpy ole Sachi." Kurogane didn't trust this woman, she was following him and keeping an unhealthy interest in the kid._

_"Oh. Don't be like that. I just want to help the sweet thing out, us types need to stick together?" She said winking at him. She reached out to touch the kid's face and was kicked in the nose as the kid scrambled to the opposite side. Her head snapped back and she hit the floor with a sharp cry of pain. Kurogane extended his hand to shield the kid and stared at the woman as she sat up rubbing her nose with tears in her eyes. She nodded with a determined look._

_"My fault cutie pie. Tall, dark and handsome follow me." When Kurogane didn't follow after her immediately she pointed at the kid's feet. "From a former slave to another, I just want to help." Kurogane felt the manju prodding his thigh and sighed as he nudged the kid lightly and began to walk. The kid stuck to his side like glue without touching him and followed after him like an obedient puppy afraid being of hurt. But Kurogane wasn't going to allow anyone else to harm this kid. He might not be able to prevent him from being in danger and he'd resent Kurogane for trying to protect him but he'd keep him as safe as he possibly could._

_  
_

_The woman entered a high class bar and was greeted with rowdy catcalling. The sweet look faded and she tilted her chin up marching forward to the nearest man and slammed him face first into the table._

_"Does anyone else want to try that again? Huh?!" She snarled cracking her knuckles as all noise dropped._

_"Hana Hana. How you manage this joint with that attitude I will never know." A slim woman with hair cropped short said blowing smoke from a long pipe._

_"Ah! Kirin! You brought them?!" It was like a switch was flipped and the aggressive woman was now calm and sweet. If a little creepy. With the way she eyed the kid. Kurogane kept his arm curled protectively around the kid without touching him. She gestured them forward which he did so reluctantly while making a show of acting unbothered. She led them to a back room where she gestured to bags and boxes on a medium sized table that was low to the ground._

_"Hey sweetie pie, I have some clothes for you. Try them on, keep the ones you like." She spoke softly, crouching low to look at the kid. Kurogane stepped back shooting her a look, she shot him one back but respectfully kept her distance. Instead she pushed a box forward and moved aside white crinkly paper to reveal small black slippers. Kurogane watched the kid pull the box closer by hooking his big toe against the box to drag it to his side. He slipped on the slippers and let go of Kurogane long enough to bow slightly in gratitude._

_"Can I get your name sugar?" The kid paused and looked at the clothes then up at Kurogane who tilted his head letting him decide._

_"Subaru. Thank you," he gave a slight pause and glanced vaguely in Kurogane's direction as if asking permission. "_ _Fuma says thank you too." Kurogane didn't let his surprise show but simply inclined his head at the woman seeing her smirk._

_"Fuma, well it doesn't suit you the way Tall, dark and handsome does." She said then dropped her gaze back to the kid with a strange look in her eyes. "Subaru... What about a family name?" The kid jerked back and wrapped his trembling arms around Kurogane's leg as he hid out of sight. The woman also jerked back rising to her feet and retreating a few feet with a nervous laugh._

_"Didn't mean to make you nervous there swe- Subaru. Why don't you and Fuma look through the clothes here and take the ones you want while Kirin and I bring you both a nice warm meal." She hurriedly pushed the other woman out another door shooting Kurogane a look as she did so. Kurogane gave it two minutes as he sensed her outside the door before she vanished. The kid jumped back rubbing his arms with a jittery look on his face that somehow relieved Kurogane._

_"She... Informant... She wants information." The kid spoke slowly as if thinking about how he wanted to explain away giving a fake name. "She's looking for someone I think... I resemble them. If she was a slave. She lost someone and to find them she has to keep track..." The kid stumbled his way through his explanation as Kurogane pulled clothes out of the bags for the kid to look through while setting aside clothes that weren't practical. The kid also looked through the shoes selecting a few boots, slippers, open toed shoes and even a fluffy set of slippers. He didn't look embarrassed, he looked Kurogane right in the eye and put them on the pile of clothes he was keeping. Kurogane let him. This was the most coherent he's seen him be in three weeks. He could wear a dress if he wanted to and Kurogane wouldn't bat an eyelash._

_"Here, put this on top of the one you're wearing." Kurogane tossed a thicker coat the kid's way seeing that it fit right over the other. With all the clothes the kid chose Kurogane chose to have the manju simply carry it while making sure enough clothes was left behind to carry so no suspicion would arise. It was not too soon after that, that the woman named Hana and Kirin returned with food and drinks. The kid's eyes were sharp and assessing as they eyed the woman from Kurogane's side. He ducked his head when she looked his way and he could see her dismiss him as a threat while sizing up Kurogane._

_"How long ago did he get away? Did you need any help with the follow up appointment?" She queried trying to get as much information as she could while simultaneously prodding the kid to eat. A foot poked his knee right before the kid threw up. Kurogane hauled the kid away from the puddle of vomit by the back of his coat. Dazed the kid glanced about until he caught sight of the puddle._

_"Sorry." He whimpered wrapping his arms around his stomach. The woman, Hana rose to her feet with a sad look._

_"It's fine sweet- Subaru." She looked upset but clearly didn't hold it against the kid. "We can talk some more next time while Fuma runs a job for me. That is if he still needs one." Kurogane eyed the woman as the kid delicately wiped his face with a napkin while Kurogane gathers the bags._

_"I'm more fair than Sachi and will look after the kiddo while you run the jobs, no longer than a few hours max. The kid can go with you the first time." She said and he pretended to give it some thought while looking at the manju sticking out of the underside of the kid's coat. She nodded then pointed at the kid and gave an exaggerated smile before disappearing._

_"Fine. But if you put him in any danger." He let the threat hang in the air as he ushered the kid out through the other door at the woman's nod._

_The kid straightened as the reached the inside of the complex they were residing in. He pulled out the manju from inside his coat and set her on his shoulder._

_"She's after information on us all. But she'll work with you and that could help more than us just wandering around this unknown world." The kid stumbled as his leg gave unexpectedly. He violently pushed himself away when Kurogane caught him and stared up at the ninja with a wild look of fear in his eyes. The manju rubbed her forehead to the underside of his chin and slowly the kid relaxed. His eyes drooped in exhaustion as the day caught up to him._

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* * *

Kurogane paused and looked away from the serious faces of the mage and princess. The kid was sitting up looking slightly ruffled. He slid off the couch and wandered off to his room for a few seconds before returning wearing those ridiculous fluffy slippers in the shape of a some type of sea animal that had sharp teeth. The teeth ending around his ankles making it seem as if the slippers were eating him. And the bear was hanging from one hand while the other held a notebook that the kid used to keep track of their informants. He pulled out his chair depositing the pork bun onto the table before setting the notebook in front of the mage and princess.

"Lionel-san can take care of Kirin-san which will send a message to Hana Hana. Kurogane never made me do anything, I did it on my own." The kid spoke softly looking at the pork bun. Kurogane set his elbow on the table and leaned forward to rest his cheek against his fist as he watched the kid. The kid drifted off for a minute before his brows furrowed and he met the mage and princess' eyes.

"I'm more than capable of looking after myself." He stated definitively, daring them to look down on him. Kurogane absently thought that this was something the kid had to deal with all the time. Being looked down on for his age despite his skill and wisdom. The mage and princess both looked down on him thinking him incapable and in need of looking after. They didn't see how self reliant he was. Didn't know about his independent streak.

All they saw was a child that had had horrible things happen to him.

Things that the kid chose to take onto himself. He was powerful enough that it took half his soul being torn out to finally subdue him. He fought and struggled. He survived. He took everything thrown at him and still fought back with more fervor. This was someone with a goal and he wasn't going to let anything stand in his way. Crippling fear and disasociation had no room in his plans but even he knew healing took time and properly allowed himself time when he felt safe enough to do so.

"I'll meet with that guy later today. For now we need to pack up and move, the apartment a few floors away is available and is similar enough in lay out to this one that it costs the same." The kid nodded and slipped over to the kitchen to begin packing everything away. 

"Pack everything away, we leave in ten minutes. I'll be back." Kurogane pushed himself away from the table and checked on the kid one last time as he carefully set everything in boxes for easier transportation. 

He was going to be just fine.

* * *

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* * *

_Kurogane checked the kid over as the kid applied an antiseptic to the wounds on Kurogane's left shoulder. Feather light touches peppered his skin numbing the skin with pulses of electricity. The kid looked just fine. A little dazed but that was starting to become the new normal for him._

_"What did that woman want you to do today?" The kid paused and slapped a bandage on the wound before moving onto another wound on the small of his back. He didn't always have to fight but he did make more money._

_"She thinks I'm her nephew." The kid sighed and moved to sot beside Kurogane while the manju slept in the kid's hood. "She saw my fighting style, it's one that slaves use. I keep track of the slave rings and the auctions when she goes out to get information on where the slaves." The kid kicked off his black slippers and wiggled his toes with silent awe._

_"Sachi-san has more information about mystical items. Hana Hana is more interested in logical things." Kurogane stiffened and looked down to see the kid looking right at him with a serious look. "I can handle it. It sounds like there might be a feather in this world. And knowing Hana Hana offers me some protection, no one in the lower class goes against her." Kurogane grit his teeth. What the hell kind of world was this that it had come to this?_

_"No. We're going to stick to the other areas around here before we go back to that place. When, when I say we go back there, then we will. For now you focus on healing so that you'll be able to defend yourself." The kid's mouth dropped open slightly as if he thought Kurogane would not agree at all. He nodded dumbly and returned to the medical supplies. "You're a good kid." His froze and turned a bright red. Kurogane stared at the empty space beside him in bemusement._

_So that apparently happened._

_Kid could apparently get embarrassed. How amusing._

_Kurogane whirled around just in time to see the kid slam his foot into someone's face. He used the man's_ _face as a platform and jumped, flying through the air and smashed his heel into someone else's face pivoting in place to ram his elbow into another man's face. He vanished from sight as Kurogane threw several people out of his way. The kid briefly appeared, upside down, slamming his heels into someone's chin, wrapping his legs around the man's neck and twisting himself upright to launch himself backwards. His hands briefly touched upon Kurogane's shoulders, their eyes meeting, before he used the momentum to swing down and kick a pole out of another's hands._

_" **ENOUGH!!!** " Someone bellowed just as the kid was caught by the ankle and slammed into the floor while Kurogane broke a chair across the same person's back. Oh. The slimy bastard finally made his appearance._

_"Fuma, glad to see you back here. I have another job for you." This bastard looked down on Kurogane as if he owned him already. Kurogane shoved the man aside and reached over to pick the kid up. The kid was on his side keeping a hand over his stomach but seemed none the worse for wear. He could see the manju trembling and ran his hand down the kid's side where she was located as he picked the kid up and sat him on Kurogane's shoulder._

_The crowd parted as Kurogane walked. The bastard spluttered and swaddled after him panting heavily. Kurogane let him stew while the kid soothed the manju. A slight kick of his foot and Kurogane paused to let the man catch up. He stared down at the sweating man watching him cower while trying to put on a brave face._

_"Let's get one thing straight." The man dabbed at his forehead. "I don't work for you and I never will." He nodded radiating fear as he took a step back. The kid slid down his shoulder and tugged on his sleeve._

_"But I'm looking for ways to make more money. The kid can also use a job. Cooking or cleaning." The man nodded eager to please but Kurogane could see the greed in his eyes after the kid's fight. He and the kid made a compromise about the fighting._

_"Don't get any ideas about him. The only reason he'll ever fight, is for self defense." The man looked irritated but valued Kurogane too much to go behind his back. And the kid could handle himself for a few hours, because Kurogane was not going to let him out of his sight any longer than that._

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* * *

The pork bun spit out all their belongings and began searching through the things for something. The kid was just setting boxes in groups by where they should go and didn't look for anyone's approval. He stopped the second month when the mage disregarded him intentionally one too many times. He stopped just this month when the princess walked passed him after he exited the medical room and refused to even look his way. 

"The kid and I have the third room." Kurogane called out when the mage peered into the rooms with the princess' belongings. He turned to stare at him in stunned silence. Kurogane busied himself by sorting out the kitchen and the food. 

"Aha!" The pork bun cried out having unearthed what she had been looking for. It was the bear. The kid placed the bear in his hood and settled the pork bun on his shoulder as he carried the bathroom supplies to the bathroom and sorted them away. He came back and started pushing a box to the first room only to trip and fall when the box caught the edge of the carpet. He landed with a silent gasp and sat up on his knees looking annoyed. He pushed again and managed to push the box into the room, he radiated a quiet sense of accomplishment for a moment before going back for the next box. He hauled the box behind him and pouted up at Kurogane when he grabbed the box and pulled out the silverware and dishes. 

"I wasn't going to break anything." He complained using Kurogane to climb onto the counter. He held out his hands and accepted the plates passed to him. Kurogane could feel the stares. The kid didn't seem to care, but Kurogane could see him glare at the dishes. The glare faded as he faked apathy.

"I kept the kid safe as much as I could given the circumstances." Kurogane stated as they sat down at the table.

"Kurogane-san did everything to look after me." The kid declared eating cake. Kurogane didn't even have to say anything the kid pouted and sighed sharing a sardonic look with the pork bun.


	10. So Easy To Blame Me, It's Been That Way For So Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syaoran could still see Kurogane sitting at the table alone after the first week. Head in hand while the other cradled his broken ribs as he asked himself what he was going to do. Syaoran vowed not be be a burden.
> 
> Kurogane knew it was hard to look after a kid. But he thinks he was doing just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: villain I'm not- three days grace

* * *

Syaoran could still remember the night he came across Kurogane sitting alone in the kitchen second guessing himself. It was a few days after he'd made his wish to change the future, as if he hadn't learned his lesson after wishing to alter the past. He had tried to stay out of everyone's way as much as he could. And somehow he still caused trouble.

Syaoran put away the cake to eat later and made his way back to the table where Fai and Sakura were ready to finally listen to Kurogane's side of the story. They wouldn't be ready to hear his side, but maybe he could tell Kurogane? 

Mokona jumped onto his head and made herself at home. He glanced upwards unable to see her and resisted the urge to straighten his perpetually messy hair. There really was no point in any attempt. 

A finger poked his neck, reflex drove him to bend his head to protect his neck and he froze biting his lips. He side eyed Kurogane who was peering at the notebook feigning ignorance. Syaoran huffed silently, he was not pouting. He was mature enough to let things go... Aside from his hair. Now that was just unfair that everyone had tameable hair.

"Just accept it." Syaoran petulantly dug his toe into the ninja's bruised knee. He gave a knee jerk reaction and slammed his knee into the table as he bent down to grab hold of it. Two could still play this game and he was winning.

"Syaoran is very passive aggressive." Mokona laughed before a hand came down on her, which also meant him. 

"No more." Syaoran froze in terror then glanced at the fridge. He sighed sadly, and wondered if it was worth it. Then glanced at Kurogane and decided that yes, it was worth it.

"Stop sulking, where is the map?" He asked letting go to flip through the pages. Syaoran shifted so he was on his knees and held out his hand for the notebook. He flipped through the pages seeing the Other's handwriting. He had kept a meticulous record of the world's they had visited, the history. And now Syaoran used it to keep track of information, informants, black mail and money. Even now he still ruined something left behind.

"Here." He sat down crossing his arms on the table and leaned forward to rest his chin on his arms. He could still see the map he'd drawn of the location of all his informants and the fight rings Kurogane fought in just in case he had to extract him. The slave rings. The mafia don territories and the trail the feather left.

* * *

Kurogane watch the kid flip through the notebook in a subdued mood. Kurogane didn't know the other kid had been keeping a record. He chronicled their journey from start until just before the seal on him broke. Reading it, Kurogane could see that despite being more open the kid had still kept silent about things. His dreams. Losing control of his body, which this kid admitted to doing to save him. He could see the kid slowly losing the fight against the seal as the Journal went from describing the worlds and culture to tracking down the feathers with side notes about the history.

It was sad to see. Which is why Kurogane didn't allow the princess or mage to read the other pages. This was one secret he would keep from all of them including the pork bun who hadn't even read it.

"This here, is the name of all the informants. And these are what they provide for us. How much money we make and how trust worthy they are." Kurogane pointed out each column seeing the mage and princess squint and tilt their heads trying to decipher the words. Kurogane could not read it either. Maybe one of seven words but it was a mix of several languages and the kid could read it just fine so he didn't really care how it was written down.

"What about these that are crossed out?" Kurogane felt his eyes narrow as he thought about those despicable people that dared to think they could take advantage of them. 

"Burned informants. We don't deal with them and their reputations were ruined leaving them nothing to their names." The kid glared darkly at the space before him no doubt thinking the same thing. Kurogane had only been taken by surprise once, and the kid had pulled him out of a dangerous situation. That was the closest they had both come to losing control of their precarious situation. It took them moving to this side of town and entering the chess tournament to escape. Being a chess player offered them a lot more protection than working for Hana and Kirin. The kid bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, Kurogane saw the single tear roll down his cheek and regretted that he hadn't done more damage.

"What happened?" Kurogane caught the pork bun's eyes and gave an imperceptible nod. She hopped off the kid's head and squeezed herself into the space between the kid's arms and face.

"We got involved with the mafia and it blew up in our faces when someone incited a turf war." He stated grimly remembering the destruction. The bounty that went out for him and the kid. The hit put out on the princess and mage.

"I should have noticed. I'm sorry." The kid choked out miserably. Kurogane hooked his leg around the kid's chair and dragged him to his side. He rested his elbow in the middle of the kid's shoulders and leaned his cheek against his palm.

"I didn't notice either. Besides it worked to our favor, it was the reason they even let you in." He stated simply dragging the notebook to his side and flipping through it.

* * *

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* * *

_Kurogane looked at the dirt caking the left side of the kid's face. Then at the abrasions on his hands and chin. The kid radiated disapproval and frustration without a single word._

_And they were at a stale mate yet again._

_"Only one of us is caked in dirt. You go bathe first with the manju and then I'll go after." He looked up at Kurogane skeptical but acquiesced when the manju complained about feeling dirty. He did shoot Kurogane a warning look before shutting the door behind him. Kurogane felt his eyebrow twitch._

_"Damn brat." He scoffed pulling out the heavily used kit and checking what needed to be restocked when they went out to buy supplies tomorrow. After they picked up the supplies Hana gave them in turn for working for her. She was fiercely protective of the kid, which made her an ally. To the kid alone._

_She kept trying to find a way to get the kid into her custody. She never tried to endanger Kurogane, not with the kid sticking to him like glue in front of her but the message was pretty clear. She wanted him and would make Kurogane hand him over._

_"Hana Hana is going to bring more clothes for everyone to her bar. Fai-san didn't hear me ask about them needing more clothes." The kid said once he entered the room. Kurogane let out an aggravated huff._

_"Fine. I'll ask, stay here." The kid pulled out a slip of paper they kept in the kit and made note of what they were running low on and what the woman would provide._

_They patched each other up and exited the room as dinner was served with only four plates set out. Kurogane pushed one plate to the kid and served himself catching the rigid posture the mage presented. Kurogane could see the sorrow in the kid's eyes as the princess gazed blankly at her bowl of food and pushed it around. He caught Kurogane's gaze and stayed put even though he wanted to leave. Kurogane had made it perfectly clear that he was allowed to sit at the table. He had a place even if it didn't feel like it._

_Another meal eaten in tense silence. The princess locked herself in her room. The mage left as quickly as he could. And the kid bowed his head near tears, tears that he would not shed. He endured too much in silence. He was apologetic for things he had no reason to apologize for._

_"Let's go for a walk." Kurogane said as they washed the dishes and set them down on the counter. The kid slipped off the chair and went to grab his coat. The manju was once again torn between going to the kid and princess. The kid made the decision for her and left her outside the princess' door._

_The kid, lost in thought, walked beside Kurogane as the street was empty. He let him be and just kept pace with him allowing him to dictate their moves. It was the only form of control he had. Hearing that the kid had all the time in the world as he watched through the other kid's eye made most of his behavior make perfect sense. His analytically nature and his propensity for reading and using body language as a form of communication._

_Having only your thoughts must have been very lonely._

_"Here, let's try what that guy is handing out." The kid looked up and followed after him to where an older man stood outside a shop holding a tray with brown squares. He smiled and crouched down offering the tray to the kid first before he offered it to Kurogane. Kurogane popped the small brown square into his mouth and thought that this was actually alright. It wasn't fully sweet and it melted in his mouth. The man laughed catching Kurogane's attention._

_The kid was blushing. With sparkles in his eyes. He was in complete bliss..._

_Huh. So that's what he looked like when he was at ease._

_He felt a little bad, but he was weirded out by the smile that kid had. He was glowing with happiness. If it made the kid happy, he didn't mind buying some of those pastries every once in a while._

_"And this year's Chess tournament date has been announced. Beginning next month the tournament will begin. Try outs are set to begin in two weeks time!" The kid paused, joy fading like the sun vanishing beneath the horizon._

_"Kurogane-san... Sachi-san tracked down the item to the mafia don Eagle. He holds the annual Chess tournament." Kurogane peered at the reflective screen that showed two groups of three fighting. One in black the other in white. Kurogane looked down when his pinky and ring finger were grasped tightly._

_"I never wanted to fight... Or hurt anyone. But it's okay if I'm doing it to protect someone right?" The kid asked softly staring blankly at the people fighting. What the hell was he supposed to say? Kurogane fought to fight. He killed people without any mercy. Even now he was still fighting and it wasn't to protect, he made money. The princess didn't fight. The mage tried to avoid fighting but was a warrior. And the Other kid had done everything to protect the princess including learning to use a sword. The Other kid hadn't wanted to fight either._

_"I don't know the answer to that. But if it's you, I think it's just fine." He let the kid think as he gently lead him back to the apartment._

_Once they dropped the supplies off at home then went to Hunter's warehouse to pick up work. Kurogane going off to play bodyguard, runner, or hired muscle. The kid usually cleaned the warehouse or ran errands for Hunter in exchange for information. Sometimes the kid ended up getting into skirmishes but was well taken care of by the time Kurogane_ _returned, usually with more information. Some of it useless, like celebrities and other times valueable, like slave auction sites or blackmail._

_"There is more talk about Chess but no one really explains the rules. From what I've gathered. There are four roles." The kid held up four fingers. "The first is the king, in charge of the other three and controller of their will and strength." He curls a finger down holding up three as he tucks the manju into his shirt._

_"Then there are the bishop, Knight and I'm unclear as to the last. Most people say it's the queen while others say it's a pawn. But all three fight on equal terms. Though the bishop is awarded a higher prestige being seen as the king's right hand man." The kid huffed and slammed his hand over Kurogane's left thigh. His leg buckled and the kid shot him a blistering glare._

_"It's fine, we need to get inside before you treat it." He pulled his hood up and walked beside Kurogane's injured leg. He let him be idly thinking that he usually kept his wounds to himself and didn't let anyone close to his vulnerable spots. This kid though. He was downright stubborn about making sure everyone was taken care of. He neglects himself to care for others which Kurogane tried to correct. And ended with them in another stalemate._

* * *

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* * *

"Why do you do that?" The mage asked, the kid was playing a game with the pork bun. Two horizontal and vertical lines with x's and circles filling the spaces. Kurogane shifted his elbow and the kid glanced at him in disapproval. Impatiently waiting but when Kurogane jerked his head in the direction of the mage he paused. He looked stumped and blinked a few times, squinting at the mage for good measure.

"I can look after myself. Kurogane-san had to look after all us here, and from what I saw... Through the Other's eye-" he flinched when the other two did and abruptly fell silent. He went back to the game completely losing interest in the conversation. Kurogane snagged the pencil from the kid and added an x before drawing a line through all three x's. His hand was shoved aside by the kid and pork bun and they began a new game.

'Kurogane-san is always bearing the brunt of the burden even when Syaoran tried so hard to keep you out of it. He wanted to look after you better, _all_ of you, so I'll do what he couldn't. That's all _I_ can do.'

Syaoran could do so much more. Kurogane would never have been able to set up this vast network in three weeks. The mage would have taken a month and a half at least. He taught Kurogane to cook so the mage, pork bun and princess wouldn't starve when the mage fell into one of his moods. Despite being practically catatonic, this kid fought to protect himself. Made food for everyone when Kurogane didn't know how. Went out of his way to bring the mage sweets and left the apartment as often as he could so the princess would stop locking herself up in her room. He did so much without any recognition. Kurogane shut his eyes feeling tired. 

"We'll discuss this later, let's go for a walk." Kurogane opened his eyes and hauled the kid out of his chair feeling him tense and reflexively slam his elbow into Kurogane's shoulder. Kurogane shrugged off the attack and strode out the door leaving the mage and princess to think. They had a lot to process. Realizing this kid and the Other one were two different people was something they had to come to terms with before Kurogane would ever finish.

"You don't have to prove yourself to anyone." The kid paused absently reaching out to grab hold of the back of Kurogane's coat. "You're a good kid." His cheeks were dusted by a light shade of pink as he ducked his head. 

"Kurogane-san is very kind." He paused warily scooting closer when a presence appeared a few feet away. 

"The rule that no chess players come to any harm is keeping them at bay." The kid nodded but didn't stray from his side, there safety in numbers. And no one doubted his strength. Only the other chess players. But they'd see, that family that pushes the limit each year will know the kid is a force to be reckoned with. 

Kurogane made sure the area was clear before giving the kid a nod. He clapped his hands bringing out his sword, the pork bun spat out his as well. They took their stances and at the pork bun's signal, flew at each other.

The kid stepped on Kurogane's sword and ran up to him sword trailing behind him as he pivoted on his heel. Kurogane barely managed to dodge. The kid was already flying back after Kurogane pulled his sword out from under him.

The kid was panting in exhaustion trying to push back against Kurogane.

"Advantage and disadvantages." The kid nodded abruptly pulling free to tuck and roll between Kurogane's legs. He felt his eyes widen and hastily stepped to the side deflecting the kid's sword with a harsh clash of steel. The kid lost his grip, sword crashing into the floor behind him as he curled over his right hand. Kurogane slid his sword back in its sheath before he made his way over to the kid. He sat down on the floor in front of him waiting for him to regain control of his breathing as he wheezed. Little by little he lowered himself to the floor and curled up until his forehead touched his knees.

"That quack is going to be pissed." The kid coughed as he burst into laughter. Kurogane relaxed and leaned back against his hands to look at the clear sky. The stars looked different here. Barely visible. Murky.

Unpolished but inexplicably beautiful in their own way. Right here, listening to the kid choking on laughter with the pork bun giggling as she rolled on the floor with the wind caressing his hair. It was peaceful.

It wasn't perfect.

The princess' quiet laughter was missing.

The idiot mage's fake whistling noise that always grated on his nerves was nowhere to be heard.

The Other kid's reserved but joyful laugh that never failed to make the mage and princess light up.

Tomoyo's soft laughter only made silent by her smothering it into her sleeve.

He opened his eyes, looking down to see the kid returning his sword back to where he kept it sealed in his hand. He wiped his sleeve across his forehead, then made himself comfortable on the floor lying on his back. He looked up at the sky with a wistful look on his face.

"Father used to teach me about constellations. The myths and legends behind the stars and the shapes they took." He closed his eyes, a small smile resting on his face. 

* * *

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* * *

_Syaoran was very stubborn about making sure Kurogane took care of himself. He always prodded at Kurogane's wounds with a stubborn tilt of his chin when Kurogane walked around with untreated injuries for longer than an hour. And would demand to take a shift at night watch so Kurogane would sleep instead of meditating._

_Kurogane hadn't realized how little he'd actually been sleeping until he woke up an entire day later. He awoke to the kid's face in front of his own. Lips puckered in concentration as he pulled a teapot away from him and set it down on book the manju was holding up. He huffed crossing his arms over his chest radiating disapproval with a simple tilt of his head and quirk of a brow._

_"I get it. Fine." Kurogane said feeling the slightest irritation that he'd allowed himself to fall into this state. As soon as Kurogane admitted to his error the kid backed off and slipped off the bed taking the manju with him. He didn't rub it in Kurogane's face, just made him acknowledge that he'd been running himself ragged which led to more than a handful of injuries that could have been avoided._

_The kid was washing the dishes when Kurogane exited the room. He had something similar to what the mage baked in Outo cooling on a rack. There was a pot of tea with two cups served sitting on the counter. Shoulders shaking the kid shut off the water and sniffles as he angrily rubbed a hand across his face. Flinching away from his hand, he braced his hands against the sink and apologized._

_"You don't have to apologize for anything. You belong here. You have every right to do as you please." The kid whimpered and grabbed a fitful of his hair in each hand and screamed. He screamed and screamed. His anger and frustration. His sorrow. His pain. Regret. _

_Kurogane let him. He kept everything bottled up. His words. His feelings. This thoughts._

_"It's time you realized that you're living right now. You're not locked away anymore. You can move. You can speak." The kid released his hair and buried his face in his hands. Sobbing until he had nothing left in him._

_He really was the wrong type of person for this. But he was all the kid had. He thought back to a more peaceful time when father used to hold mother when a dream vision frightened her. He never spoke, just held her and she would relax. _

~~_He could still remember how warm and safe he felt when they held him._ ~~

_The kid was limp in Kurogane's arms. His breathing hitched every once in awhile but he slept peacefully undisturbed by his demons. Kurogane withheld a sigh as he adjusted the blanket to cover the kid and tilted his head back so that it came to a rest on the wall. He could hear the mage and princess enter the apartment and felt bitter resentment._

_They weren't the only ones suffering. They were too blind to see how much the kid was tearing himself apart. They didn't question where Kurogane and the kid took the manju or why they came back days later injured. They weren't allowing themselves to heal. Even Kurogane had allowed himself time to grieve, it was something his mother had taught him. And his father had made sure he knew that it was okay to cry for what he'd lost. He just had to make sure to move on. Before it was too late._

_The kid stirred and blearily glanced around. He was surprised to see Kurogane but he wasn't embarrased about his outburst. He shifted so that he was on the bed and pointed. Kurogane laid down in the opposite direction so the kids feet where ear his stomach. He grumbled sleepily and fell back to sleep._

_Finally._

_A compromise._


	11. They Don't Have To Understand You, Be still, Wait And Know I Understand You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His magic was growing stronger with each day, it fluctuates and wavers. It would still take awhile yet for him to regain his equilibrium from the seal. His magic hadn't recovered from eating away at the seal for seven years, he was going to be stronger than he'd been previously. Nothing to make your magic grow than to constantly use it.  
> His magic made Fai uneasy, everything about him made Fai uneasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: again- flyleaf  
> So... My phone is on the fritz. And I lost my notes for all the fics I'm writing...

Syaoran rubbed his face into the soft material beneath his cheek. He frowned lightly, what was he laying on? Hadn't he fallen asleep lying on the grass beside Kurogane and Mokona? No, Mokona was still beside him pressed against his cheek and neck.

He opened his right eye and saw something black and white fur. Oh. He was taking advantage of Kurogane's kindness. He rubbed his eye with his sleeve and shifted a little to peer up at Kurogane.

"I can walk." Kurogane tilted his head back a little to look him in the eye. Syaoran sighed softly and curled his hands into Kurogane's coat. He shut his eyes, he could do this much. It was all about compromise. This was how their relationship worked. It was all about give and take. Even is Syaoran could never share his past or feelings, he could share his plans for the future. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered tiredly, Kurogane shrugged and he absently thought about the ridiculous face Kurogane had made when Syaoran had apologized.

* * *

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* * *

_Syaoran waved Kurogane farewell and stepped into Flower Garden the bar run by Hana Hana. He was relatively ignored now by the patrons as he was regularly seen in Hana Hana's presence. Mokona burrowed into his hood to let him know she was still at his side. He climbed up onto a stool and looked at the meal that had been prepared for him with special care. He felt guilty for leading this woman on. She looked just like one of Father's sisters._

_"Subaru~" Syaoran tensed and was pulled into a suffocating embrace. He held still, barely even dared to breathe until he was set down. He could do this much, for deceiving her. She set him down and reached down to pat his head but he jerked back and she froze before pulling her hand back with a hurt smile. Syaoran looked away and forced himself to pick up the fork and eat the omelette she made. He just had to bear this for three hours before Kurogane returned and they went to check out Don Kaito's territory._

_Kurogane trusted him when he said that this was the safest Family to join. They didn't traffic, they kept away from selling drugs to kids. Women were protected. It was their best bet to work their way to the top for Kurogane to participate in the Chess tournament. Children didn't participate, not that it was forbidden but no one had done it._

_Fai would participate if Kurogane could make himself invaluable to Don Kaito. And Sakura wouldn't have to know. It could work, Syaoran had lost so many plans, they fell through as they searched for a way to find the feather. Mokona could never locate the feather no matter how far they traveled._

_"Subaru, help me out back." Syaoran nodded and followed the woman barely remembering to thank her for the food that he'd barely touched._

_"You need to eat more. Is Tall, dark and handsome not feeding you enough?" Syaoran shook his head in denial._

_"Fuma takes good care of me. He..." He did so much for Syaoran who deserved none of it. After everything he had done, he was taking advantage. "Fuma is kind." He ended lamely, Hana Hana was watching him with that shrewd analytical gaze of hers._

_"Does Fuma help with your nightmares?" Syaoran stilled and instantly felt humiliated when tears welled up in his eyes. He shouldn't be crying over something so stupid. A nail scraped underneath his eye and he grabbed the closest thing at hand, Hana Hana's leather bound journal, and used it to bat the hand away from his face. He clenched his eyes shut and dug his fingers into his wrists until he felt blood welling up under his fingertips. He felt something smooth and rounded rub against the back of his neck and shuddered._

_When he opened his eyes it was to see that Hana Hana was no longer in the room. Kurogane was in the room watching him and holding the door closed. The books on the bookshelves and the crates had all been toppled over and Mokona was whispering that he was safe repeatedly into his neck._

_He could feel his face heat up. His skin prickled. His limbs developed that pins and needles feeling. 'It's not real, I escaped.' He thought to himself as he clenched his eyes closed. This was just phantom pain. He escaped._

_"Do you trust me?" Syaoran trusted Kurogane. He trusted Mokona. Fai and Sakura. But they couldn't trust him. Syaoran had ruined everything. Kurogane and Fai's lives, especially Fai's. _ _Even if Fai was working for Fei Wong Reed now, he wouldn't cause the princess any harm. He'd seen the mage change. He watched him grow from the boy Fei Wong Reed had spoken to through a tear in reality._

_"You need to breathe, just breathe. You're free." His lungs burned. When had he even stopped breathing? He listened to Kurogane, clung to the only semblance of order in his chaotic world._

_"Good. Sit down before you fall over." He said sitting down with his lega crossed and palms resting on his knees with his sword lying on the floor between them. Syaoran followed, albeit slowly, and actually dropped to the floor as his leg gave out from under him._

_"Can I go over there?" Kurogane asked carrying a stack of books as Syaoran organized the books on the shelf. Syaoran nodded even as he bit his lip and forced his hands to stop trembling. Kurogane sighed and actually moved further away._

_"You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do." Kurogane emphasizes by pointedly taking another step back to clean up the other side of the room. Syaoran felt worse. _

_"You're too kind." He whispered tucking his face between his knees as he tried to stop his tears. _

_He wanted to accept this warmth._

~~_But he didn't deserve it._ ~~

_He wanted the affection Hana Hana gave him because no one else would._

~~_But he was afraid._ ~~

_"I'm sorry." He apologized softly, it was all he could think to say in this situation._

_"You don't have to be sorry. You don't have to be anything **you** don't want to." And Syaoran believed him. Despite everything, he truly believes Kurogane. Because Kurogane called everyone out, he didn't care if you were some all powerful witch. He didn't care if you were a nobody who thought he was all powerful because of an artifact that increased your power. Everyone was human. Which meant that they lied, made mistakes or became greedy. You did something wrong and Kurogane would make sure you knew it._

_"Thank you." He whispered, because it was the truth. He could put his faith in this man to do the right thing. He could trust him with this secret he was keeping about the future. And possibly, someday he could even tell him about the past that haunted Syaoran._

_He set the books down and went to gather the others from where Kurogane left them._

_In very short order the room was repaired and they went to their apartment having done absolutely no work today but feeling accomplished._

_Their bond was stronger._

* * *

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* * *

Syaoran was wide awake. Which was good for no nightmares. Terrible for healing which required rest.

He glanced at the bed on the opposite side to see Kurogane resting peacefully even with Mokona asleep on his face. Kurogane doesn't mind when Syaoran leaves the apartment but he felt that it was better to stay in now that Fai and Sakura were starting to listen. So he simply slipped out of the room and went to the dayroom. Syaoran froze when he saw Fai sitting at the table and quickly bowed his head when the mage froze at the sight of him. He made his way to the restroom to give the man space. He was not going to retreat back into his room, Kurogane said he had every right to be where he wanted to. He climbed into the bathtub and tucked his hands between his knees as he extended his legs so they rested on the lip of the tub and leaned back against the tub.

He used to sleep in the bath tub the first week here. 

Someone knocked on the door startling him out of his thoughts and felt his cheeks burn. He didn't think this through. There was only one restroom and he locked himself in, which meant no one could come in. He quickly climbed out of the tub and flushed the toilet before washing his hands. He could play this off. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

He opened the door and saw the princess looking worriedly at the floor. She glanced at him smiling a little as he scuttled out of the way. She opened her mouth before abruptly turning away and closing the door in his face. He pushed down the hurt and confusion with ease having gotten used to the treatment and made his way to the door. Then paused. He pressed his lips together and glanced at his room then at the door before deciding to go back to the room. There was nothing to do either way, may as well stay warm.

"...Syaoran..." He felt as if he'd been dumped in ice cold water. He wrapped his arms around himself as if to fight off a chill and glanced in the mage's direction as he forced himself to relax. The mage looked stricken, Syaoran glanced behind him but saw nothing. He glanced back at the mage in confusion but he was frowning at the table and his clenched fists. What?

Syaoran shrugged it off and made his way to the room.

"Goodnight Princess, goodnight Fai-san." He was just about to close the door when he heard the princess and mage respond. He froze with his hands braced against the door leaving a crack. He worked up the courage to peer through the crack and saw both of them smiling in his direction. He slammed the door shut and scrambled over to Kurogane's bed. He paused when the ninja opened a sleepy red eye to check him. He lifted the blanket with one arm as he turned so his back was to Syaoran. Syaoran climbed into the bed hugging a pillow to his chest as Kurogane dropped the blanket. His heart pounded wildly in his chest as he tried to figure out why the two who despised him the most had smiled at him. Had actually bid him goodnight after ignoring his greetings for three months.

"Don't think about it." That was easy for him to say! Syaoran had been practically nonexistent! Heck, he wasn't even acknowledged during the chess matches as the princess simply kept her hand outstretched until the collars were active. Although this past week there had been more interactions between them.

And he climbed into KUROGANE'S BED!!!!!

Was it possible to die of humiliation?

"Syaoran thinks to loud." Mokona complained flopping down onto him. Syaoran fixed the gentle creature's position so they were resting side by side on the same pillow.

He shot the gentle creature a dirty look when his racing heart abruptly calmed. He sighed and decided to just let everything go. 

Just take it a day at a time.

One day.

* * *

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* * *

_Kurogane advised him to take things one day at a time. So they took the next day off and he followed the ninja to the place they had to go to._

_Which turned out to be another clinic!_

_He filled out the paperwork in stony silence. Mokona was wiggling around in his coat for some reason. Syaoran let her do as she pleased while they waited to be seen. They were called in and Syaoran could only stare at the triple layer cake that was being consumed at a steady rate. It looked delicious._

_"Ah, you must be Syaoran and Kurogane. I'll be Syaoran's treating doctor Yamazaki, Takashi." The raven haired man smiled and Syaoran felt a wave of deja vu. Wasn't he the announcer in Piffle?_

_"I need you to be completely honest with me. That's the only way I can help you okay buddy?" Syaoran hesitantly nodded his head as he shifted Mokona off his shoulder and handed her to Kurogane. He was weighed and measured. His body fat was measured. Hearing, eyesight, tested and given a dental check up._

_He drew the line at blood. _

_He kicked Yamazaki in the face and pleaded for Kurogane to do something. He doesn't know what he wanted the man to do but he took the doctor aside and left off the last test. The doctor apologized seemingly drawing his own conclusions and let Syaoran dictate the flow of the rest of the visit. He would have just blown the whole thing off but he and Kurogane had comprised._

_"How old do you think you are?" Syaoran felt disconnected. He was staring at his feet. How old was he? Now that was a tough question. Was he fourteen? Or twenty one? Or maybe he was seven._

_"Kid?"_

_Time didn't move in that place. They were both frozen in time forced to watch it flow just beyond reach. Their dreams crossed sometimes and it kept him sane. That and watching through Syaoran's eyes._

_"At any rate his growth has been stunted. And though he seems to be doing well healthwise it is not uncommon to find most slaves suffering from one form of malnutrition. A stricter diet is necessary." The doctor lectured sternly and Syaoran couldn't find it in himself to listen no matter how hard he tried. It was like a thick fog had settled over his thoughts._

**_Time slipped away like water slipping through his fingers. Always slipping away. Agonizingly slow._ **

_"It's normal to have episodes of regression. It's a part of healing." Mokona was in his hands while he absently turned them over. They were still calloused but none of the ones he had from before were there, was it strange to miss that?_

_He walked alone side the ninja in silence. He could feel the stares but stubbornly kept his head down. He was not going to answer._

_"We have the meeting arranged for tomorrow morning. And since we don't know how you'll react to this-" Kurogane said holding the medicine with a suspicious look. "You won't have to take it. But you will later on and you can't throw this out." He glared but Syaoran pointedly kept his head down. He didn't need medicine. He was perfectly fine. He was healthy._

_Even if he had not eaten once during his imprisonment, Fei Wong Reed had kept him in pristine condition. Syaoran was invaluable as a specimen. He was a trophy._

_"Syaoran." Syaoran looked up. Had Kurogane called him by name? He never called anyone by name._

_"We don't have to go back right away." He was looking around and jerked his head in the direction of a park. Exercise was good for health, physical and mental. It was a form of therapy. He could build his stamina back up._

~~_And maybe Fai and Sakura would stop locking themselves up if he was gone._ ~~

~~~~_The two of them spent the rest of the day out just walking. No expectations. They just walked and watched. Found interesting things here and there like an antique shop that held toy models of the race cars from Piffle. They found a bookstore and Kurogane allowed him to peruse the books there for an hour before they resumed their stroll._

_Mokona even took part and chose which direction they would off to next._

_Some how he seemed to be able to focus more. He still lost himself in his thoughts but not as long as he used to. Kurogane kept a steady pace and never made it seem like he was getting impatient when Syaoran lost himself for moments at a time. Though he must have._

_They ended their walk with chocolate from the bakery._

* * *

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

* * *

Kurogane sat up and with held a sigh as the kid lay on his side eyes wide open but unseeing. He poked his forehead and the kid shut his eyes. The pork bun turned to look at him with a small frown.

"Still fuzzy?" He queried shifting the blankets to cover the kid absently clocking his temperature to check on it later. 

"Mm. But... Fai and Sakura told Syaoran good night." Kurogane was only marginally surprised given that those two had started paying closer attention to the kid this month. 

"Are you going to stay or come with me?" The pork bun hopped onto his shoulder in a contemplative mood as they exited the room. The princess and mage were at the table eating quietly, both tensing and looking up before relaxing when they saw him. Kurogane remained silent as he made his way to the restroom absently catching sight of the five plates on the table. At least they were making the effort to try and include the kid now.

~~Too bad the kid had already given up and simply worked to help the princess get her feather.~~

"Kid isn't going to eat." He told the mage before shutting the door for the restroom. The pork bun hopped onto the sink and pulled out her toothbrush.

Kurogane was pissed. But that was nothing new. They couldn't catch a damn break.

"Leave. You've done enough." Hana had the audacity to show up uninvited to their apartment. Though to be honest, she was the only one who could have figured out that they hadn't actually left. She was similar to the kid in that right.

"You can't keep him from me! He's my-" she cut herself off with an angry look. "My brother's son. My nephew." She whispered scrubbing her cheek when a tear rolled down her cheek. Kurogane said nothing and simply watched her bowed head. This was hard, the kid had been very tight lipped about the slave books he was in charge of. Looking wrecked each time this woman came back from the auctions.

"I know Subaru isn't his name. That girl confirmed everything." She said gesturing to the princess who covered her mouth in shock giving a slight shake of her head.

"This kid has been through enough-" he was cut off by the enraged woman slapping him across the face.

"You don't protect him! It's your fault he's in that tournament!" She tried to push past him but he simply grabbed her by the arm and forcefully pushed her back. She hit the wall. She braced herself against the wall and launched herself into a spinning kick. Kurogane crossed his arms over his chest and watched. 

The woman froze completely with one leg outstretched and back twisted as she turned with the movement of her kick.

_The kid was lying on her leg._

Arms locked around the woman's ankle and legs outstretched so the they touched her hip, he was completely at ease with his head resting on her foot. 

It had been quick. He easily slipped past Kurogane and jumped, twirling mid air he grabbed hold of the woman's leg and locked his arms around her ankle. She froze just as he stretched out his toes to touch her hip. He calmly rested his head on her foot. He couldn't see the expression he was making but the woman was terrifed.

"I despise being manipulated." He stated rolling off and making his way past Kurogane to enter the apartment without another word. The pork bun hopped off his shoulder and onto the kid's head.

"Let's eat cake." He said and Kurogane rubbed his hair feeling irritated but let the kid be, he could use some cheering up.

"Showing him the obviously hidden pictures when he tried to tell you in every single way that he didn't want anything to do with any possible family." She lowered her leg and tearfully lowered her head into her palms. "What makes you think he wouldn't notice you trying to manipulate him? He wants control of his life and you tried to take it away. After everything he's had to endure in silence." She looked up and seemed to break at the words.

"Words are like swords. If you use them the wrong way, they can turn into ugly weapons." The kid was eating cake as he gazed apathetically at the wall past Hana's shoulders. They didn't need this.

Not now. They were barely picking up the pieces.

"Goodbye Feimei." She looked stricken as he passed his cake to Kurogane and bowed at the waist.

"Tsu-" she sobbed then bowed low to the ground.

"Thank you for locating my sisters. I wish you the best of luck in achieving your goals." So she too had used an alias. And that's why the kid looked torn up as he dug up information. She looked as if she wanted to say more but didn't and instead dug something out of her pocket and tossed it towards Kurogane's face. He caught it without looking away from the Kid who had yet to rise.

"Goodbye sweetie. Tall, dark and handsome." She shoved her hands into her deep pockets and slowly walked off adopting an air of indifference. 

Kurogane looked at what was in his hand and lowered his hand for the kid to look. He stared at it with visible shock even as his eyes watered. The eight sided star was small in his hand but looked as if it fit perfectly in the kid's hand. Words were written on it in a different language from what was used in Infinity. It was multicolored (hand painted?) with a sun at the center and at the center of the sun was a black and white symbol, the same one the kid's soul took the shape of.

"I don't want it!" He choked tearfully shoving Kurogane's hand away. He looked angry and hurt. Just like that day.

* * *

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* * *

_Kurogane was patching the kid up for a change. It was a change of pace and not for the better. He winced and cringed but resolutely kept himself in place as Kurogane treated his injuries. Tissue stuffed up his nose and split lip being chewed on, the kid radiated anger and hurt. The manju was crying silent tears from where she rested on Kurogane's shoulder._

_He didn't ask. He wanted to._

_He knew waiting was the wrong thing to do with this kid, the Other would answer in the silence but this one wouldn't._

_"I don't know what to do in this situation kid." He admitted honestly. The kid froze and looked up at him, he didn't even breath before the tears in his eyes fell and he took a deep shuddering breath._

_"We aren't family. We aren't family! She's not my family!" He differentiated the way he pronounced the words but Kurogane could see it was tearing the kid apart._

_" They aren't mine!" he whispered in horror as he grabbed onto Kurogane's sleeve. _

_"No, they aren't." He seemed relieved and heartbroken all at once at Kurogane's admission. He pulled something out of his pocket and passed it to Kurogane. It was a woman with long raven hair and four identical girls with various hairstyles in a chocolate brown color. They were no older than the kid was when this photo was taken._

_"I don't want this. I don't want this." He repeated tears slowing as he became detached. He stared, his unfocused gaze, and fell into a silent daze. He was mute. He was blind. But he could still function in this state of shock. Had it been anyone else, Kurogane would have slapped some sense into them. This kid was broken beyond repair and scrambling to keep going through it all. So if he suffered lapses of weakness, then Kurogane would cover for him. He was getting to the point where it rarely happened now._

_He could do this much at least._

_For the kid who had everything stolen from him._

* * *

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

* * *

"Syaoran." The pork bun whined tearfully encircling her paws around the kid's neck as he stared at nothing. He didn't slip into another daze but he did ignore everything else besides the pork bun. Being prodded into finishing the oatmeal.

"This has to stop." Kurogane spoke quietly but even as he said those words he knew it wouldn't. Not when everything was thrown in the kid's face while he tried to resume the life stolen from him. 

"That woman..." Kurogane glanced at the princess sitting on the couch beside the mage who perched on the arm of the couch. 

"She said... He was her brother's son. And you... Both knew she thought that." Kurogane shut his eyes wanting to have a single moment to himself that didn't involve picking up the pieces of their shattered group. He already knew what was coming so without opening his eyes he put his finger to the kid's neck before he could so those two useless words. Words that had lost all meaning after the third usesless apology for things out of his control.

"It's a partnership that all sides were aware of being used. It's- it was give and take." Kurogane corrected himself as he looked at the notebook the kid had tossed onto the table before the confrontation with Hana. He crossed out the flower. He looked at the neat flowing script and signed his name beside the flower. He was the one to evict her from the network. If she had been burned both of them would have signed. As it was their names were penned along the ones crossed off while the ones scribbled off had both their initial. 

There were still thirteen informants left out of their thirty one originally. Many of their informanta had been burned when the turf war broke out.

"That is a long list." The mage observed thoughtfully as Kurogane scribbled off the caricature of Sachi and Kirin once he saw that both had been left unscathed. He'd have to take care of that other woman today. And on top of that he had to go see that stubborn bastard to do it. If it wasn't for the pork bun endorsing him he would have never agreed to bringing him into the loop. 

"Yeah, well we had time. A lot of it." He pointed out, the mage flinched at the jab. The princess looked down in shame but her eyes still looked at the kid who was slowly coming around again as the pork bun began scribbling away on a blank page. Little by little the kid would react to certain things written down. Sometimes his lips quirked upwards and other times his eyebrow rose in wry amusement. 

"Mokona!" He hissed slapping his hand onto the page as his face turned bright red. Kurogane shifted slighty and was able to make out three words written on the page. He really did not want that lie he believed to be mentioned. He doesn't get what was so embarrassing. The page was furiously scribbled on and the kid shot him a blistering glare, clearly accusing him without any words. Kurogane turned his head away feigning ignorance.

* * *

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* * *

_Kurogane feigned ignorance when the kid shot him the stink eye. He hadn't done anything in particular to earn this type of treatment from the kid._

_"Kurogane-san." The kid made his name positively drip with disdain and sarcasm. Ever since they joined Kaito's Famiglia the kid turned into a sassy brat. He was very insistent on making sure Kurogane treated his injuries and didn't have to carry the weight of everyone on his shoulders. Now? He was down right territorial._

_He sat down on the floor while the kid numbed his skin with feather light touches that peppered his skin the way snowflakes used to. Soft and barely there._

_"I know Kaito-sama doesn't allow children to join or participate in missions..." He started rubbing antiseptic into the grazes along his upperback and shin. "So I'll do what I can to gather more information for the upcoming chess tournament and see about Sachi-san getting the wheels turning for your participation." He looked earnestly at Kurogane._

_"Syaoran is doing his best. And so is Kurogane..." The two of them turned to the Manju. She gazed sadly at them and then the kid smiled. It was like the first time the other kid had smiled, small and barely there but so at peace and gentle._

_"It's because of Mokona that we found out who we could trust and who we had to watch out for. Mokona does so much for everyone, never doubt that." She looked worriedly at Kurogane who nodded. She smiled in relief and hopped onto the Kid's shoulder and hugged him a best she could. He mouth opened slightly before he closed his eyes and rested his hand on the Manju._

_The kid always looked after the mage and princess even when they coolly disregarded him. He was in tune with their needs though they didn't seem aware and it amused him. Especially when the princess craved chocolate and apples only to find them on a tray outside her room. He kept track of when the mage needed blood, which was about every two and a half weeks. A week sooner if he had to be involved in any strenous activity such as the time a rival family attacked the mage and princess when they went out for the first time._

_That was the first sign of what was to come._

_He and the kid heard about it later and Don Kaito was quick to offer them retribution for allowing such a thing to pass. Kurogane followed through and it was the second sign of what was to follow. He should have seen it for what it was._

_The third sign had come from the kid going out on one of his walks and returning with a limp and concussion. He didn't pay much attention to it. Worried about all the attacks and moving them to a safer location while disoriented from blood loss because of the mage who was finally getting the hang of sating his appetite._

_The unease the kid felt had just been his concussion. But he kid could still function in this state, same as when they first came. Yet he hadn't pursued anything. The kid has also reluctantly dropped his suspicion when he finally had Kurogane in gambling circles for his past fights that it was brought to Kaito's attention._

_He was made the right hand and was getting recommended for the chess tournament when the kind mafia leader died with a hole between his eyes._

* * *

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* * *

"He was assassinated in front of you?!" The princess cried out in horror. The kid whipped around to face him. He went stiff as a board, face paling in horror as he heard what the princess asked. He mouth opened in a silent gasp before he dropped his arms from the table and wrapped them around his stomach. 

"I should have-" he started apologetically. The pork bun jumped onto his lap and squeezed between his arms.

"No. You shouldn't have. We're both to blame, and so are the ones who betrayed Kaito for their own greed." The kid grit his teeth looking down at the table. It still hurt, to see that kid not even eighteen years die when he had only begun to shine. He would have truly revolutionized the world. He and the kid had the same sense of humour and need to prod the injured. 

"Kaito-san was the gentlest person... And he didn't deserve to have that happen to him." He whispered sounding near tears, tears he promised to never shed for the teen. 

"He was betrayed? And what do you mean by those attacks on us being a sign?" The mage demanded angrily and the kid hunched down in his seat. The mage seemed to realize his misstep and actually lowered himself from his half risen position.

"Exactly what I said. That kid was betrayed by some of his closest men because they became greedy and hurt that i rose in position so quickly. We should have taken our time, but we didn't so the fault is also at our feet." Kurogane regrets not causing more damage.

"I was careless pushing Kurogane-san to Kaito-sama's attention. I had the wrong attention focused on him and it quickly spiraled from there as they tried to threaten us to steal us away from him." The kid's lips turned down in disdain. He understood the feeling well. Those underhanded tactics used to pressure them to join a family and they still didn't understand that no meant no. 

"How does that boy being assassinated end with us entering the chess tournament?" The princess asked.

"Chess is nationwide and what causes the rise and fall of the economy. Because of that highly skilled fighters are sought after and either forced into matches or recruited." The kid stated raking his nails across the cast in agitation. "To keep the teams from being eliminated the players are put under protection so that they can continue to fight. Anyone caught harassing or harming a chess player." The kid rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. He could see how much this conversation was taking its toll on him and picked up the slack. He was the one who decided to speak in the first place.

"They die. Chess is a sport, that everyone gambles on. As long as we continue fighting we're offered protection from those who wanted us to fight for them. As long as the princess keeps our 'leashes' then we'll be alright." Kurogane realized too late that he shouldn't have used that term when the kid gagged and ran for the restroom. Kurogane crossed his arms over his chest and gripped his bicep tightly. 

"He's fine!" He barked as the mage and princess rose to their feet.

"He's not! Can't you see he's falling apart?!" The princess shouted angrily. 

"He was falling apart the moment he spoke to the other kid! You don't believe it. I don't believe it." Kurogane rose to his feet and jabbed his finger at the door. "Hell! He doesn't believe it! But you tell a lie long enough and it becomes a truth! Let him have this!" The princesse paled, anger vanishing as she understood just how broken this kid was and how hard he was trying to live. Not survive but actually pick up the pieces of his life and move on.


	12. May This Little Boy Find Blissful Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was desperation that catapulted them here. Seeking a conference with Eagle to get Syaoran to participate in the tournament despite their plan to keep him sidelined. He was the one who would benefit the most from the protection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title lyric: 14ths song- D. Grayman  
> So... I messed up my hand three months ago and finally healed. Recovery was slow and painful.  
> I will slowly be updating all my fics, starting with the ones that i have already prewritten content for.

* * *

Syaoran was shaking. He was afraid. _His hands would not stop shaking!_

Why wouldn't they stop?!

Syaoran was curled up in the bathtub fighting back the urge to scream and cry. _Kurogane shouldn't be fighting with the others over him._ He was _still_ ruining things.

"Syaoran." Mokona warbled tearfully pressing her wet face to his cheek. He felt a sharp stab of pain and cupped his hands to his soft and gentle companion. Gentle paws pressed against his chin as voices were raised outside.

"Why doesn't Syaoran ask for more? If Syaoran asks..." Syaoran blinked away the hot tears pooling in his eyes and pressed closer to his gentle partner in crime.

"I can't ask them for anything..." Syaoran thought back to the unsubtle ways Fai excluded him and the distance Sakura enforced between them. Then thought about the trouble he caused Kurogane. "After everything I've done. I shouldn't ask anything of them, especially if I can do it with my own hands." That's what he believed. Even when he wanted to cry. Or when he wanted to reach out and just touch another human being with kindess and receive that kindness in return. 

"Syaoran doesn't have to be alone anymore! Syaoran is here! With Mokona!" She squeezed her paws around his neck and he felt warmth. 

"With Kurogane!" He suddenly recalled all the little moments with Kurogane that made him feel safe. The moments when he realized he trusted him.

"With Fai and Sakura because Mokona and Kurogane wont let them be mean to you anymore!" Mokona was glaring up at him in determination. "That's what Syaoran wanted right? To travel with Mokona, Kurogane, Fai, Sakura and Syaoran." His heart squeezed and a choked sob escaped him. He bit his lip and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to halt the flow of tears. He didn't have the right to cry over this. It was his fault _it_ even happened.

_Still._

_She was telling the truth._

_**He wanted to travel with them.** _

_**All of them.**_

~~ _**If he could make one wish.** _ ~~

He tamped down on his magic aware of the fluctuations and Fai's fear. Mokona gently began to pet his hands. Trying to soothe the maelstrom of emotions currently wreaking havoc in his mind as he struggled to contain the tears.

"Syaoran _promised_ to be better about asking for things." She chided as he dug his fingers into his scalp. Could he ask then?

"Don't leave." He whimpered dropping his hands to hug her as tightly as he dared. 

"Please." He begged feeling as if he was being torn between what he wanted and what he **_felt_** he deserved. Mokona wouldn't steer him wrong.

"Mokona won't leave. Mokona is right here." She hushed him softly prodding at his wrists until he released his hold on his hair. 

It was a tenative peace. One that could be easily shattered but Syaoran was okay with letting Mokona remain in charge for now. He just needed some time to himself.

* * *

Kurogane sighed heavily and sat back down in his chair. It wouldn't do to keep yelling. Right now, what he needed to do was remain calm and wait for the kid to come to him.

"I hope you can hold it in. Kid is going to be in there until he sorts himself out." Kurogane stated bluntly not even bothering to look at either the mage or princess. Instead he took the journal and flipped it open to the notes about their opponents. It was written in the language of his homeworld, for his convenience.

> _Eagle has a specific family that reaches the finals but never makes it past. They continue to toe the line at what is legal and illegal in the matches. No penalties are shown to have been in the past. In fact it seems that while this family never win, they are a favorite to bet on. It isn't betting on winning or losing. People bet on how badly maimed their opponents will end up. And when will they finally cross the line._
> 
> _Today's votes: out of 200._
> 
> _Illegal methods will be used: 150-50 odds. Not in our favor._
> 
> _Fair haired man being maimed: 180-20 odds. In Fai's favor._
> 
> _Dark haired man being maimed: 170-30 odds. In Kurogane's favor._
> 
> _Child being maimed: 30-170 odds. Not in my favor._
> 
> _Child being killed: 190-10 odds. Not in my favor._
> 
> _King forfeits match: 100-100 even._
> 
> _Match called to a halt by outside interference: 140-160 odds. In our favor._

Kurogane scoffed angrily at the scores. How dare they underestimate the kid like this. He's never once lost against his opponent. He's taken down more than just his opponent time and again.

What more would it take for him to have proved himself? Why did everyone look down on this kid. Especially if his back story was that he'd escaped from slavery? Didn't that make him stronger? It was how their network flourished. All those former slaves; with power, skill, charisma, money, and determination made names for themselves. It was how that law came to pass that once a slave escaped they had earned their freedom.

They were untouchable.

"What do those numbers mean?" The princess asked tenatively. Kurogane tilted his head slightly at the mage who jerked his head back. Fine.

They wanted to keep pushing?

Well, he learned all about compromise. He'd give them something, just not what they wanted. The kid didn't have the strength to face them if they doubted him in the upcoming match.

"There's a story behind these numbers. But I won't tell you about it now, you still want to know how we ended up in the Chess tournament. Right?" The mage and princess shared a look and nodded. The princess clenched her hands into tight fists underneath the table, probably thinking that Kurogane didn't know.

They were frustrated. 

Not enough to demand an explanation about the numbers. That worked in his favor. The more time he could buy the kid. The better.

* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

_Kurogane didn't take long to hit the ground once blood splattered across his face. He'd taken Kaito with him, realizing that the kid was already gone. He was glad. That meant he didn't feel a thing._

_He may have been betrayed but his death had not been drawn out. Beloved as he was, he'd been mercy killed._

_There was a heavy taste of static in the air._

_His hair crackled lightly._

_There was a brilliant white light._

_Then a thunderous cacophony of noise._

_A small hand touched his forehead and he saw amber eyes staring at Kaito. The kid reached forward and gently shut the silver white eyes with a tender brush if his finger tips. Liquid built up in his eyes but he simply blinked and then bowed his head._

_"Come. This way." He whispered urgently as Kurogane blinked spots dancing across his vision._

_They vanished into the night. Pursued like dogs. They dared not head straight back to their current residence. It would only lead to more leverage being used against them._

_Instead they hid in a warehouse used by Kirin for clothes and weapons. They were tucked away in a corner behind severap crates with a window in reaching distance._

_"Lionel-san told me... Chess players are protected." The kid hugged his knees to his chest as he stroked the white pork bun's head. Kurogane hissed under his breath. That wasn't part of the plan. It had never been part of any of their plans. The kid shouldn't have to fight._

_"What are the chances of anyone accepting the mage or myself as part of their team?" Solemn amber eyes stared at him in silence._

_"We're being hunted. You two being part of a team... Won't protect the princess..." The kid trailed off with frown._

_"Or you." Kurogane finished._

_"Syaoran has to fight?" The pork bun glanced between them both with fear. "Why can't he and Sakura be protected if you and Fai fight?" The kid grimaced as he sat up and stretched his hand so it touched the floor. A thin flim clung to Kurogane's skin as the door to the warehouse they hid in was slammed open. Eyes passed over them multiple times as crates were smashed open left and right. The rafters were scouted and once the area was deemed empty, they were left alone._

_"Because Hime and I aren't related to Kurogane-san or Fai-san. Protection doesn't extend to us..." Kurogane saw the fear in him, not as an expression, but in the way his hands twitched and began fidgeting with his clothes. He saw it in the way his shoulders hunched even though his face remained a blank slate. The pork bun could feel the change in him as she reached out and held onto the kid's hand._

_"Syaoran doesn't want to fight anymore..." The kid stilled suddenly._

_"I never did. I made my choice though." He whispered and it cut through the silence with a heaviness that held so much more in it than Kurogane could imagine. He didn't like it._

_"If the kid ended up being forced to join another team then they wouldn't be looking out for his best interest. They'd make use of him being a child... You never said they accepted children." The kid didn't look at him, pointedly faced the other way._

_"They don't. They aren't looking to make me fight in the tournament." His voice shook lightly and Kurogane realized that just because a law had been passed for slaves doesn't mean it would be followed. People broke the law all the time._

_This kid could fight._

_He could read and write as well as anyone born here._

_And he'd set up a vast network in under three weeks after suffering through serious injuries._

_This kid was a prize._

_"Oh." The kid shrugged and began picking at the cuffs of his pant leg. The pork bun rubbed her cheek against the kid's palm._

_"We could seek an audience with Don Eagle." There wasn't much of a choice. They were damned if they did, and damned if they didn't. Kurogane had wanted to give them all a chance to rest, and recuperate from everything. He wanted to give them the chance to mend their shattered bonds._

_Instead, this would push them further away._

* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

* * *

Sakura stared at Kurogane in silence. She hadn't wanted this to happen. She had wanted to change the future, and perhaps because of that, she'd somehow set the wheels of fate in motion. It sounded like Syaoran wouldn't have even had to compete. And then she'd made her wish.

To _change_ his fate.

To _prevent_ his ~~death~~.

_**She pushed him into harm's way.** _

Her eyes watered as her heart throbbed in pain. She had done this to them. Wanting to keep Syaoran at a distance, knowing that _she_ was not the Sakura that he knew. 

She'd hurt him again with her selfishness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally wrote this but decided this was not the way i wanted to go. Check it out if you want though:
> 
> "I'm sorry Mokona. I'm only bringing pain and suffering to these kind people." He pressed closer to her feeling so selfish for seeking out her warmth.
> 
> "No! Syaoran... Syaoran Is caring and kind! Syaoran doesn't bring suffering!" She denied hotly but he didn't believe her. It was his fault that a hit had been put on Fai and Sakura. His fault that Kurogane had been in the viper's nest. His fault Kaito died at the hands of his closest friends. 
> 
> His fault Fai was cursed and lost everything.
> 
> His fault Kurogane lost everything.
> 
> His fault that Sakura had everything stolen away from her. Her life. Her family. Her soul and body violated to create an image. 
> 
> "I did this!" He cried. Feeling sick to his stomach as the tears spilled over. He curled his hands into the material of his pants as he buried his face between his knees. Deep heaving breaths seemed to get shorter and shorter. Was he even getting air? He felt lightheaded. Everything sounded so distorted. Just like-
> 
> Was anything real? Was he still with Fei Wong? No, he couldn't be... But everything felt real when he watched through Syaoran's eyes. 
> 
> Something lightly brushed against his hand. His eyes snapped open to look at what touched him. Kurogane stood in front of him with one arm outstretched, blood running down his cheek. The door shattered behind him. The mirror in pieces on the floor. The water from the sink spilling to the floor.
> 
> "This is real." He said pulling his hand back. He was looking at Syaoran and seeing him not the Other


	13. I Don't Want Them To Know The Secrets, I Don't Want Them To Know The Way I Loved You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they were all on the same page. Even if they all still had secrets, they were willing to put them aside. They all had one goal. Keep the kid as safe as they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric: Hurts like hell- Fleurie 
> 
> My phone is in the fritz and doing weird things everytime I type... So if you see some weird mishmash of words, spacing errors or misspellings let me know. I'm dead tired and I think I got them all.

Syaoran blearily cracked an eye open and saw smooth porcelain in front of him and beneath him. He turned slightly and saw that it was also behind him. Mokona grumbled something and hopped onto his shoulder with a soft hum.

"Sakura and Fai aren't close by. And Kurogane is a block away." Syaoran sat up quickly feeling heat rush to his cheeks. He'd fallen asleep in the bathroom. How long had he been inside?! What if they had needed to use the restroom and had to leave because of his stupid mistake? Now he felt so much worse.

"Syaoran needed time to be alone. Mokona is sure that no one will mind that he fell asleep." Mokona said in a cheery voice, that didn't change the humiliation that he felt. 

"I need to make up for this somehow." He whispered, heating climbing up to his cheeks as he climbed out of the bath tub. 

"Syaoran doesn't have to do anything. Kurogane said it before, right? Syaoran doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to." Mokona chided softly as she pet his forehead from where she sat upon the crown of his head. Syaoran paused and glanced at his hands. So small, calloused from training with father and mother back in China. These were callouses that he had not seen in years though. Did it count as years if time had not changed for him?

Time had moved on without him.

Syaoran taking his place in Clow.

And the Other had taken his place with mother and father.

Did mother know? Her visions were never wrong.

Syaoran lowered the flames just as Kurogane opened the door. He scrutinized Syaoran closely for a moment before kicking the door shut behind him. He set a brown paper bag on the table and peered into the pan that had some vegetables lightly steamed. A hand ruffled his hair lightly dislodging Mokona who simply hopped onto his shoulder.

"Keep resting up. We don't have anything to do until we go see that quack." He muttered as he took over cooking with Mokona hoppong onto the counter to direct him in cooking. Syaoran hopped off the chair and made his way to the table and peered into the bag. 

It was more first aid supplies. And a notebook.

"Start keeping your notes in there. This is a new start for you," Kurogane didn't look his way as he began talking. "not a continuation. You're not a replacement." Syaoran cradled the notebook to his chest. His heart gave a slight tug as his breath caught in his throat. He was right.

Everything had reset for him. It had for both of them, only he was freely experiencing the now. And he had to make the most of it while he still could.

"You're just you." 

Syaoran froze. He peered at the dark haired ninja to find him looking directly at him. 

Red eyes softened just the slightest, his stance remained firm yet open. Hands open to show no harm or hidden intentions.

He'd never seen the ninja be this open. With _anyone_. He was treating Syaoran like he was his own person. 

Mokona nodded sagely from the counter. She seemed to wink at him? Did it count as a wink with her eyes apready closed?

"Kurogane-san is very kind." The ninja scratched the top of his head with a bland look as he turned back to the stove. Syaoran hid a grin behind the notebook when the ninja turned around.

"Thank you." He rushed to the room before the ninja could try to prod him into opening up about his problems. Syaoran had burdened him enough for now.

Maybe he was right. He could possibly tell him the truth about everything. Only he would havr to ensure that _man_ wouldn't be able to overhear or interfere.

* * *

"Thank you." Whispered the kid softly before he sprinted out of the room leaving Kurogane feeling something. He hesitated to call it fondness when it didn't feel the same as it had with other people.

"Syaoran is cute, huh?" The pork bun wheedled as she hopped onto his shoulder snd prodded his cheek. Kurogane scoffed lightly.

"Wah! Kurogane smiled!!" She exclaimed brightly with a laugh. 

"Shut up! I did not!" He growled as he crushed the pork bun in one hand and stirred the steamed vegetables into the meat the kid had started frying. The pork bun wailed pitifully before falling silent.

"Syaoran said he won't ask for anything if he can do it with his own hands. He's still so afraid." Her voice dropped to a lower pitch as if she didn't want to be overheard. Kurogane set her down on his shoulder and glanced over his shoulder to make sure the door was closed.

"This kid is the original of the other one, right?" At her nod Kurogane continues his train of thought. "And he was really bad at asking for help, right? Well it's the same. That one only had himself to rely on for so long because the other kid only had himself. And that was before he ended up mixed up in all of this." Kurogane shut off the flame and served plates as he pondered how to word his thoughts.

"We just have to keep doing the same thing. We're already doing all we can, the two of us just aren't enough." He stated bitterly aware of the reality in front of him. This kid would never have a normal life. Would probably always be a little broken, but damnit he would give it a try. It didn't matter that he was so out of depth that it wasn't even a joke. He would make sure this kid made it out of this. 

It's not like the next world would be his.

* * *

Syaoran wrote everything he knew. The first half was filled with everything written in the Other's journal. And the latter with everything he knew of Fei Wong Reed. All the magic symbols that had been carved into his skin. What he had done to break them. The sigils he inked into the soles of his feet to keep his magic somewhat contained after having it sealed for years. It was dangerous, but necessary in this world. It was not safe to have his magic unsealed with Fai around.

At least not _yet_.

He wrote the spells he knew. Ones that he'd seen through the Other's eyes and ones he'd witnessed being used on or around him. It was easier to study them if he could visualize the magic so he could use it when the opportunity arose.

_oh. He was dreaming again._

~~_Fai raced forward. The sword, gifted to him by father pierced his flesh. He was skewered effortlessly._ ~~ ~~_Blood splattered onto the blond mage as he regained himself._ ~~

~~_Kurogane pointed his fingers at Syaoran and mouthed the spell. Lightning crackled and tore through the silence as the mage ripped the sword out._ ~~

~~_Sakura was impaled by the sword gifted to him by his father. The mage lost his mind in grief. The princess was safe as she severed the link between her soul and body._ ~~

* * *

**~~_Kurogane pointed his fingers at Syaoran and mouthed the spell. Lightning crackled and tore through the silence as the mage ripped the sword out._ ~~ **

**~~_Fai raced forward. The sword, gifted to him by father pierced his flesh. He was skewered effortlessly._ ~~ ** **~~_Blood splattered onto the blond mage as he regained himself._ ~~ **

**~~_Sakura was impaled by the sword gifted to him by his father. The mage lost his mind in grief. The princess was safe as she severed the link between her soul and body_ ~~ **

* * *

~~_Sakura was impaled by the sword gifted to him by his father. The mage lost his mind in grief. The princess was safe as she severed the link between her soul and body._ ~~

~~_Fai raced forward. The sword, gifted to him by father pierced his flesh. He was skewered effortlessly._ ~~ ~~_Blood splattered onto the blond mage as he regained himself._ ~~

~~_Kurogane pointed his fingers at Syaoran and mouthed the spell. Lightning crackled and tore through the silence as the mage ripped the sword out._ ~~

* * *

Kurogane was instantly alert as he felt a change in the atmosphere. His hand was on his sword before he even registered the first whimper. He glanced around to make sure there were no intruders before he even glanced at the kid. The pork bun was already pressing close to the kid as he let out another whimper.

"This isn't a bad dream he's having." She warbled sadly trying to comfort him as best she could. Kurogane reached out and gave the kid's hand a squeeze and waited for him to wake up. Only he could wake himself up, thathwas something he learned the hard way.

It took a few minutes but the kid woke up looking dazed. He wobbled briefly as he sat up, Kurogane steadied him and watched in silence. Amber eyes blinked slowly, almost as if he were still asleep and not quite aware.

"Syaoran?" The kid flinched away from him. Small brows furrowed as he looked between them.

"Uh..." His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he dropped off into sleep. Or rather unconsciousness. The kid wasn't going to be up anytime soon, but at least he wouldn't be dreaming until he woke up. Kurogane could see his breathing slow to near nonexistence and snuck a look at the pork bun. She didn't seem to worried just yet so he let it slide for now. That didn't mean that he wouldn't watch the kid closely. It wouldn't be the first time he'd stopped breathing In his sleep or during the day. It was rare but it had happened a few times.

"There's nothing to do now except wait." Waiting was something he was familiar with. He had patience in spades where it truly mattered. He didn't mind waiting for this. It meant the kid wasn't struggling with life and all the inherent problems involved in trying to pick up the shattered remnants of his life. 

"Is Kurogane going to tell them about what Eagle said to Syaoran?" Kurogane grit his teeth at the reminder.

"No more hiding. They can all keep their secrets, but I'm sick of all this hiding and sneaking around. He doesn't need anymore on his plate when he's already trying to change for the better." He meant every word. He was going to make them all tell the truth once they left the world behind them. 

  


"Where is Syaoran-kun?" The princess asked lightly with concern in her eyes. The mage peered behind him as if expecting the kid to be trailing behind him. The manju had elected to stay in the room with him just in case he had any trouble.

"He won't be up anytime soon." Not that they would understand why.

* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

_It had been a hellish six days, eighteen hours, thirty six minutes and twenty seven seconds but they had made it. Don Eagle had accepted their request for a meeting, had even provided to shelter the mage and princess until the day of their meeting. It was a harrowing journey to reach Don Eagle's territory from Kaito's territory but they had done it. After having to_ _dodge_ _their pursuers which ended up involving them in so many s_ _cuffles_ _and skirmishes that the kid was dead on his feet._

_Not that he complained._

_He blearily peered up at the large building with a soft frown._

_"We're in Don Eagle's territory. Why are they still?"_

_Kurogane had no idea why they were still being pursued but he had a feeling that the mafia boss could have stopped it when they had reached his territory but hadn't for some reason. The most likely reason being that he wanted to see what they were capable of. If that was the case, then the kid had shown his mettle. He'd done so much, it was honestly a miracle it had taken them so long to notice the kid._

_"Hello there young one." The kid exploded into action just as Kurogane slashed at the fair airedd man that had appeared out of nowhere. The man ducked beneath Kurogane's blade and nearly had his head taken off by the kid's spinning kick. He held up his hands with a serene smile that failed to mask that smug aura._

_"You sought a meeting with me, did you not?" Kurogane tempered his blade with great reluctance. It wouldn't do to offend the man that was probably their only chance to gain entrance into the tournament. Behind the fair haired man the kid relaxed his stance but remained light on his feet with a wild look in his eyes that Kurogane found troubling._

_"You may rest up here until tomorrow." The man clapped his hands once and two well dressed woman appeared to escort them. Kurogane didn't trust them, not that they had any choice now._  


_They couldn't mess this up. Though he had a feeling they were going to cause irreparable harm to this world by continuing forward._

* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

"If you knew that something was going to happen, then why did you continue anyways?" The mage queries as he picks at his food. The princess hadn't even touched her plate throughout his explanation. 

"What part about the kid being skilled do you not get? His background is that he was a former slave, what makes you think people obey the laws here?" The princess made a low wounded sound as she covered her mouth with tears welling in her eyes.

Kurogane was honest, it was something that grated on people. He never cared before, maybe he should have. He wasn't trying to punish the princess or the stupid mage. He just wanted them to see, really _see_ the kid for who he was. He tilted his head towards her when he caught the mage's eye before he stood up to leave the table.

"Wait! Please." The princess cried out trembling softly as she stood on her two feet.

This was only going to hurt them more.

"Please." She hiccuped, hand reaching out to grasp his. He couldn't look at her, but he wouldn't do her a disservice by trying to lie or soften the truth. He would tell her everything.

  


* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

  


  


_"I've seen this child's skill. He is competent in battle, and talented enough to run a network that spans through several territories." Eagle leaned his chin into his palm as he Crossed his legs at the knee. Kurogane could see the kid getting tenser the longer he was stared at. Kurogane shifted slightly so that he was closer to his side without covering him, no need to make themselves look weak. They had to present a united front._

_"Kaito was young and naive. I had high hopes for him though." The man shut his eyes with a pained look. The kid bit his lip, clenching his hands tightly behind his back. Kurogane could understand his pain and frustration. A bright light had been snuffed out too soon._  


  


_"Tell me. Why should I accept your proposition?" Kurogane opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by a raised hand._   


_"Not you. You and the fellow with the eyepatch would be prime betting material. The child however, there's no way I can sell that without suffering damage. Or worse, inciting a revolution." The man stood up and made his way towards them coming to a stop a foot away. "So I ask again. What do I gain from involving a mere boy in the deadliest tournament this land has too offer?" He purred dangerously._

_"You want my network don't you? You want to know how I created such a stable system that enables me to have the most protection with the least repercussions." The kid stared, eyes completely void of life. "I'll tell you if you give me a chance to show off. People like entertainment. An underdog."_

_Kurogane frowned but the kid didn't even twitch. He stood taller and exuded that aura he'd seen him use when he snagged another informant for his ever expanding network. It made people stand up and pay close attention to him, that look made him feel as if he was being picked apart._   


_"Then you can set limitations. Boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Regulations that would put any that protest at ease." Syaoran gazed into Eagle's eyes knowing that he'd won the man over. His skills of persuasion were unmatched. And this man knew it._

_"You have yourself a deal little one."_

  


* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

Syaoran rubbed his eyes, barely twitching at the feel of his hands touching his face. Little by little he was taking back ground stolen from him. By conquering his fears he proved to himself that he wasn't broken. He was going to grab hold of his date and twist it out of the hands of that mad sorcerer. He would save the princess, this princess and if he could. He would capture his clone and try to undo what had been done. If he couldn't undo the magic.

He would unravel it.

Then he'd beg for forgiveness. 

"Syaoran?" He smiled at Mokona as he sat up, absently watching the blanket pool around his waist.

"Good morning?" He hesitated to say seeing that there wasn't a window in their room. Mokona looked down softly reaching out to put her paws on his hand.

"It's late afternoon. Syaoran has been asleep for three days." Syaoran winced guiltily at the thought of burdening everyone. He must have inconvenienced Kurogane something awful. Fai and the princess too. Especially poor Mokona who always ended up having to watch over him.

"Sor-" Something soft and furry smashed into his face startling him. Had Mokona just hit him with a stuffed bear?

"Oh, you're awake?" Syaoran twitched before stilling as he turned to the door to see Fai entering with a tray of food. He forced down the malaise he felt at the sight of the magician to give him a small nod.

"Ah, you're probably wondering about Kurogane, right?" Syaoran quickly calculated the days in his head before shaking his head. Kurogane would need to eat more red meat and certain fruits and vegetables. They needed more lentils and spinach.

"We need to go shopping." He told Mokona softly as he thought about what else they were running low on in so he wouldn't need to make the trip twice. He also needed to buy the princess something that wouldn't conduct electricity. Maybe while he was out he could find a place to speak with Yuuko. He'd need ink to mark the sigils necessary to keep from being spied on while he told her about the looping in his dreams. He'd never heard of a Yumemi having looping dreams.

"Syaoran-kun." Syaoran stilled, he didn't know what to feel about being called.

His fingers felt stiff.

That was strange.  


He shook his hands out and slowly curled and uncurled his hand, while he did the best with his other hand. He's glad most of his other injuries didn't need so much attention.

Broken bones were the absolute worst.   


"Syaoran needs to eat." Mokona chided, Syaoran took stock of himself and nodded his head. He wasn't nausea's, and his stomach wasn't grumbling angrily just yet but he could feel an emptiness that preluded hunger pangs.

"Fai left the food on that tray." She gestured to the end of the bed and Syaoran frowned as he realized he'd some how missed the mage leaving. He felt troubled and anxious that he might have upset the man when they were on speaking terms at last. What if they went back to ignoring him? Maybe be should buy them all something. Then the gift he would give the princess wouldn't stand out.

  


"Where are you going Syaoran-kun?" The princess called out to him when he made to open the door. It made him pause at the tone in her voice. It sounded regretful, or maybe it was just sad. He gave himself a light shake knowing better than to ever let royalty wait on a response. It was rude and could be considered treasonous. Or maybe Prince Touya had said that to mess around with him.  


"Shopping. I'll return shortly." He gave Kurogane a cursory once over to make sure he was doing well. Then opened the door and left without another word to the occupants inside.  


Mokona waited in silence as they made their way to the markets. He could feel eyes on him but he remained calm. It wouldn't do to jump at shadows until they had a physical presence. For now, they were just vultures lying in wait.

  


  


"And you say it just kept repeating?The same three visions." Yuuko hummed thoughtfully as she drank from her wine glass. She seemed to stare through him for a moment when she suddenly sighed.

"You're destabilizing the loop. It'll only get more dangerous once you've managed to alter it completely. There's no telling what will happen to you, are you aware of the consequences?" She queries with a raised brow. 

"I am." She peered at him skeptically and he knew. There was something he was not aware of, something that could alter the fabric of reality even more than his selfish wish. Even so...

"Even so, I must continue forward. I can't falter now. The only choice left to me now," Syaoran peered at the boots he'd bought the princess, Fai and Kurogane. "Is to continue on the path I'm on. I can't turn back anymore." She shut her eyes with a look of intense sorrow and nodded her head.

"If that is your wish." She stated simply as she set down her glass.  


"You must face the consequences with your head held high. I will not be able to save you a third time young one." This he knew. When he faces the mad sorcerer this time may very well be his last. But he'd ruin everything for the man. Even himself if he must.

~~Because he was never going to locked away and used for material~~ ~~_ever again._ ~~   


* * *

  


  


Syaoran presented Sakura with new boots. He told her they would help her leg, acting as another brace.These boots were long and made of some type of material different from the ones she currently wore. She smiled at him in gratitude, he silently stared at her for a moment in confusion. He hesistantly returned the smile abruptly turning away from her after a few seconds.

Kurogane warned her off with a look quelling her need to reach out to him and frighten him off. Syaoran presented Fai with new gloves, calmly explaining they had a better texture for gripping. Then he simply offered Kurogane a small jar of some type of liquid. No explanation, but Kurogane's lips twitched upwards as if they shared some secret. It made Sakura's chest burn with envy. Though the fault for Syaoran's behavior was her own. She hoped she could make amends before time ran out.

~~She almost wanted to wish-~~

  


  


  


* * *

**Ignore below this line.Couldn't delete random word**

* * *

ru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. One more chapter before we reach the finals in the chess tournament. I'll pretty much gloss over that one and get to the finals.   
> You're in for a real doozy.


End file.
